I wrote the post below after reading the first couple of posts. From what I read after I saw that the situation is quite serious. In any case, my original post was meant as general advice:
Longing, sometimes people honestly believe that they can fit in a strictly monogamous life with a love one and rely on fantasies and/or masturbation to cope with their desires for sexual variety. As the years go by, it becomes more clear to them that this is hard or impossible. Even of one is extra strong and never "touches" others, having unfulfilled desires can still result in penetrating unhappiness and can put toll on the family happiness.
If you are seeking a marriage counselor, I'd advise to look for one who is open to "poly" issues. Such person will not necessarily encourage that you open your relationship but will offer an understanding ear and will try to help you resolve your issues without condemning.
Last edited by nllswing; 08-28-2011 at 12:34 AM.