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  #21  
Old 08-24-2011, 08:03 PM
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So what if sean thinks I'm greedy. I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not involved with him, he doesn't have to understand, I only wish for acceptance.

Besides, some people are good at having their cake and eating it too without messing up the table. Beyond the sex there is much abundance. He doesn't want abundance and sees only greed? Good luck to him. Maybe he should read more about poly if he is so interested.
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  #22  
Old 08-26-2011, 06:52 PM
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Sometimes my husband wonders about the same thing that Sean is talking about. He has trouble finding women who are 'okay' with a poly arrangement. He is very upfront about our happy marriage and they seem to be accepting of that at first, but then it seems like they always want more I have met with a few of his g/f's and they seem to understand that we are happily married and that we have lots of love to give, but I don't know... maybe he is just that good that they want to fall in love with him and have me out of the picture?

His latest g/f just got all mad and pissy with him after spending a wonderful 24 hours together with her, sent him a text saying that he must be 'underwhelmed' with her because he did not send her a text for 8 hours after they saw each other. This after he told her that he needs to leave to take his son to court and some other life issues he needed to deal with. Sigh..... lol

This is probably the 5th or so woman that he has tried to befriend and love. He says he is about ready to just forget about it
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  #23  
Old 08-26-2011, 09:53 PM
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There are just so many ways things can go awry! For instance, a married man may be much more interested in "polyamory" as a sex-style, vs a love-style, and the woman he gets involved with may want his love and not really be getting that at all, or very much of it. And this might cause her to express a desire for more of his time, focus..., while what she really wants is more of his love.

And, too, we've all been brought up in a culture where exclusivity has been held up as a measure of affection and commitment, with non-exclusivity held up as a "symptom" of love-lack and non-commitment / insufficient affection.

It must be obvious that these and a million other things can go awry, and that -- in our culture/s -- polyamory is a couragious adventure mainly for very good communicators and exceptionally loving (and emotionally/spiritually mature) people. It isn't for the faint of heart.
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  #24  
Old 08-26-2011, 10:38 PM
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It is most definitely not for the feint of heart! But whenever he and I talk about just closing that part of our life out, both of us realize that we like that part, maybe we just pick the wrong people? Give too much up front and then they expect everything?? Anyway, don't want to 'hijack' the post, perhaps I should start my own blog But in our personal experience, it has definitely been the women who have had a harder time with the 'poly' idea
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Old 08-26-2011, 10:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JnR View Post
Give too much up front and then they expect everything??
This could be a key realization. Maybe you haven't taken things slowly enough?
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  #26  
Old 08-26-2011, 10:55 PM
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Yeah, maybe we have not taken things slowly enough. I am pretty much open to his time with others (as he is with me), we don't have a laundry list of rules so maybe that seems like its just an open field to others??? Basic of rules of safe sex, let me know where you are, an appx timeline of how long you will be gone, we don't contact each other unless its an emergency... is that too open? I want to be respectful of the other person's time with him, but it just doesn't seem to come the other way I don't know, maybe its just today and tomorrow will feel better. Gonna go bake some peanut butter cookies for my hubby, that should make him feel better lol He is feeling like there is no making this other person happy at the moment
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  #27  
Old 08-26-2011, 11:27 PM
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JnR - As I see it, ideally, all of you would be nurturing friendship with one another, so quality time can be spent together, enjoying one another, sharing activities and meals.... This should help in numerous ways. Something just feels "off" with the pattern where all (or almost all) of the time together is divided into separate couples hinged at a V point, with little contact between all three (or more) parts. Still, of course!, there is need for the points of a V to have ample time alone with the hinge point. That goes without saying.

(Now I'm thinking on my feet, here. You see, I'd be the "hinge point" in my situation. But why? Because I'd likely be the only one sexually-romantically involved with the two of 'em? What makes sex so damned important? I mean, it's great! Don't get me wrong. But loving is great, too, just as such, regardless. And non-sexual loving relationships are not "less than". Not at all!)

I'm so very happy that my two Sweeties are getting to know one another and want to form a real friendship with one another. This really feels right. Any other way would feel "off".

My boyfriend is (basically) not bi, so there's little chance of sexual/romantic love between them, but otherwise there is every reason to expect joyful love between them.
This makes us all allies in looking after one another, rather than competitors or some damn thing.
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Last edited by River; 08-26-2011 at 11:35 PM.
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  #28  
Old 08-27-2011, 01:31 AM
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What you describe is wonderful, and we did have that at one point with people in our lives, but well, didn't work out for various reasons. I am hoping to get to that point again, our life seemed richer with the love of others Not that it is necessarily lacking without, it just adds so much depth and ummmm diversity?? Hard to describe, but is really wonderful when it works
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  #29  
Old 08-27-2011, 03:04 PM
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Diversity is sweet! Every loving relationship is so unique--like the individuals involved. Different people give us differing qualities / energies / spirits.... Without diversity we miss out on that some. Variety is indeed the spice of life.
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