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Old 10-26-2009, 12:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510
Default Running through my head, running through my head.....#1

Sorry-words to a song, but C ain't here and I can't recall the rest of it.

So much shit running through my head right now I feel overwhelmed!
Crazy huh?
I'll start with one here-then make another thread about different topics til my brain shuts up!

So Maca went to his appt. He came home and we all talked and it was so awesome. He found some insights into himself and he opened up to the rest of us and it was just so... invigorating. Seriously invigorating.

In the last week he's made MAJOR dents in his "tough guy" persona that leaves others feeling he's a bit unapproachable.

Two children in our lives (12 year old and a 16 year old) both came to me this week amazed because he "touched their lives" emotionally in the last week. The younger one is the child who may end up living with us-and that was so important and necessary for us, but no less amazing. He's really found security in Maca since that (so fast too!).

The other is a friend's child and close friend of our oldest daughter. He's an amazingly good kid, very responsible and he just "fits in" to our family. He is more articulate and expressed to me that it meant a lot to him that Maca spoke with him personally and that Maca thanked him for being such a kind hearted persevering person (he's always been affectionate iwth Maca even when Maca tried to be distant). He said sometimes he feels "old" (cause he so is) because he does things (like that perseverent affection) because it's "just the right thing to do because obviously he needed it" and people are amazed-but he's just like "well what else was there to do?".

I laughed and found myself engaged in a deep, loving (not sexy {yuck}, just loving) friendly and amazing conversation with him. He's such a smart guy. We really enjoyed our evening (about 2 hours of talking) and I am so thrilled that Maca and he were able to talk first and that I was able to hear all of those wonderful intelligent caring thoughts out of such a young person! WONDERFUL.

Maca and I went for a ride with my sister last night-he opened up some conversation in front of her and we really touched emotionally-connected I think. I love her so much. She was my foster sister-we met in 7th grade and she's THE closest person to me in my life. They have always gotten along-she's impossible to not get along with I swear- but I LONG for Maca to feel as safe and comfortable with her as I do. She loves him. She would have married him and sometimes I think she still wonders what if. He doesn't really know that (well he will when he reads this ). I don't see that happening (it wouldn't bother me) but I do want him to FEEL and KNOW that he's safe with her and he can be himself, be open and trust her to protect his heart too.

I have been amazed at what we've (Maca) talked about this week and I feel like I know him (and myself) SO much better than before I don't even know how to react.

He's afraid we're all waiting for "the other shoe to drop" but really I'm too amazed and shocked to even GO there! Shoes? Heck no! I just can't believe how wonderful it feels to hold him and FEEL his heart not just his body. I feel overwhelmed with passion and joy and a desire to sing, dance, swim, run, laugh, cry all at one time! I have a love/hate relationship with water. Love to look scared it will kill me. I told him yesterday I just feel like running into him and falling in the water with him laughing. He thought it was funny-but while it was funny-it's so much more then funny too. I never would have THOUGHT something like that up 6 weeks ago, because it would be too frightening to consider "what if he let go, or didn't let go and we sunk (or I sunk anyway) blah blah blah".

Now I didn't even get to "what if" I was too busy enjoying the feeling of right now and confident enough to feel safe. Truly safe.
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