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  #11  
Old 08-24-2011, 05:01 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Sometimes I feel funny when I'm in bed with Butch and I look down at my wedding ring. I think, "I should hide that under the pillow or something! Doesn't that bother him?" And I realize, this ring is a symbol of something that is the Truth. And we are not about lies. That's what makes our relationship so great. It is what it is. Butch makes it perfectly clear to me that he is not open to me showing up on his doorstep to move in! But our circumstances are unique.
I also wear my wedding ring to bed with SW or Oil Man. It was weird at first. But I realized, like Carma, that it is a physical representation of my commitment to Beloved. When I wear it openly with my other lovers, it is also illustrates a commitment of sorts to them too - to be honest about my life, what I can offer them, what I can receive.
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  #12  
Old 08-26-2011, 02:53 PM
faraway7 faraway7 is offline
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Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
Been a while since I've posted here, tried searching but couldn't find quite what I was looking for, so I'm making a new post.

I recently met an amazing man. It started as flirting, and rapidly progressed. There is huge NRE fog right now, and I'm trying to look through it. Hubby knows about him, he knows about hubby. He feels the same way about me as I do about him, but he's afraid to commit 100% when he knows in a few months (hubby of course is deployed which is so not ideal in this situation), that it will go down to 50%. He's afraid to get in too deep.

He said, and he's right "the fact will always remain that Drew is your husband and him and your family will always come first". I can't argue with that.

How do secondaries handle this? Is there any advice or something to think about i can tell him? He's not a forum person, so he most likely will not come here....I feel like he's looking for answers, and I don't know that there is any except for taking one day at a time.

Thanks
Hi. Im new to all this. I hope this question does not offend you as its not meant to. but just suppose God forbid anything happened to your hubby while he was deployed, while you were in the company of another man.
wouldnt you feel guilty?
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  #13  
Old 08-26-2011, 03:11 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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Poly is all about removing guilt, shame, etc. from your intimate relationships and relating to eachother person to person with out expecting one relationship to take away from any other relationship. I'm sure some others could expand on this even better than I - I'm new too.
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  #14  
Old 08-26-2011, 03:19 PM
faraway7 faraway7 is offline
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Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
Poly is all about removing guilt, shame, etc. from your intimate relationships and relating to eachother person to person with out expecting one relationship to take away from any other relationship. I'm sure some others could expand on this even better than I - I'm new too.
Thank you Ladyslipper.
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  #15  
Old 08-26-2011, 03:40 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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If her husband is truly ok with things, wouldn't he want her to be with someone who could comfort and watch over her when she got the news? I can't imagine, in that scenario if everything is going well between the parties involved, that he would rather she be alone. It's not like she could somehow stop a bomb or bullet by being alone.
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  #16  
Old 08-26-2011, 04:10 PM
faraway7 faraway7 is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
If her husband is truly ok with things, wouldn't he want her to be with someone who could comfort and watch over her when she got the news? I can't imagine, in that scenario if everything is going well between the parties involved, that he would rather she be alone. It's not like she could somehow stop a bomb or bullet by being alone.
yeah that makes a whole lot of sense. this is a whole new mindset. i came here with just a couple of thoughts now my mind is running wild with thoughts. but i do think being in this type of relationship could be very beautiful.
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  #17  
Old 08-26-2011, 04:43 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by faraway7 View Post
yeah that makes a whole lot of sense. this is a whole new mindset. i came here with just a couple of thoughts now my mind is running wild with thoughts. but i do think being in this type of relationship could be very beautiful.
It can definitely be very beautiful! But it can also be an ugly mess without a lot of careful introspection, communication, listening and respectful behavior. So, I would just say keep reading and thinking and don't jump into anything too fast!
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  #18  
Old 08-26-2011, 05:22 PM
faraway7 faraway7 is offline
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Oh I wont be jumping into anything just yet.
for my own personal reasons this seems to be the perfect type of relationship. BUT once i get to spending time with someone im not sure if my "old views" of how a relationship "should be" would come into play, then id probably end up in a big ole jealous mess lol.
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  #19  
Old 08-26-2011, 06:06 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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faraway, the book Sex at Dawn really helped me to frame the concept of poly in a different way and allowed me to wrap my brain around it more fully. I highly reccomend.

http://www.sexatdawn.com/
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  #20  
Old 08-26-2011, 06:34 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faraway7 View Post
Hi. Im new to all this. I hope this question does not offend you as its not meant to. but just suppose God forbid anything happened to your hubby while he was deployed, while you were in the company of another man.
wouldnt you feel guilty?
Actually, in the United States, the practice of consensual non-monogamy began to really take hold in the military (1940s), specifically among fighter pilots and their wives. Pilots and their families were very close and because of the higher chance of fatality among pilots during wartime, they had agreements among each other to look after the others' wives. And since pilots tended not to go out drinking when they were home, "wife swapping" was practiced and surely evolved into polyamory (love) due to the deep bonds among Air Force families.
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