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Old 08-26-2011, 08:08 AM
Euterpe Euterpe is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1
Default How to propose poly to my bf?

Hello everyone!
I was doing little research on polyamory and found about this forum. I'm in a hard situation right now an I hope advices from more experienced people could help me. So, thank you in advance for your time.

English is not my mother tongue but I hope we'll understand each other.

Well, here's the situation:

I'm 23 old female in monogamous relationship with guy who's 33. We've been together for more than a year, and so far things are going pretty well and serious - not that we talk about marriage or living together, but in a year or two... To wrap it up, we agree that we have a potential for becoming life partners.

But, here comes a twist. Before I met him I had casual sex with other guy, but that ended and we stayed friends. In the meantime he become poly. We are both aware that we're not romantically interested in each other but we share chemistry, freedom, we inspire each other. He told me it means very much to him and that we could have much more than sex. He's also concerned for me not to restrain myself. It would be nice if we could spend time together and not think if this or that is right or not.

Other thing is that I've been unusual person all my life but lately I realised I started to compromise too much. I'm becoming plain and conformist to the point of discomfort. Doing what society expects from me is not in my nature and current situation is really choking me. This is in terms of life in general.
Above all I've always thought of monogamy as confining and determinate, but so far I never had a need to cross it's boundaries or a need to reorganise my life in non-monogamous way.

I'm afraid if I tell all this to my boyfriend I'll hurt him very much. He's very liberal but this is not about his intellect but about his feelings. Bringing this up could lead to him feeling insufficient, inadequate, etc. On the other hand I know I must bring on this subject for my sake. He's been young as I am and gone through all struggles of youth and he decided what's best for him. I'm young and I need to make my choices. I just don't know how to do it or where to start. Anyway, is there any right way to start?
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