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  #11  
Old 10-25-2009, 02:38 PM
celiset celiset is offline
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Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post
Hi Celiset, welcome (belatedly) to the forum. I'm one of those people who originally came to polyamory because of the desires of my partner, and I'm by no means rare here on the boards. Look a little deeper, and I know you'll find plenty of others.

If your interested in my story, you can find it at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...=4518#post4518. Be warned though, it's no fairy tale, and we're still working on the happily ever after.

(Slight hijack: I've been thinking about it recently, and I find it interesting and odd that even though opening our lives to poly was completely Hubby's idea, at this point I'm far and away more poly-oriented than he is. )

My advice to you, and to anyone considering polyamory, is to read all you can on it, deeply consider all you learn and incorporate what seems right and true for you. This forum has been extremely valuable to me, and I know you will find many wise, compassionate and caring poly people here.

Approach every situation with love and respect for all concerned, because you never know what will trigger a sensitive spot in the relationship(s). And when you've identified a sensitive area, talk it out. Talk and talk and talk some more. Give that shit so much light and air that flowers blossom up out of it!

Best of luck to you, and to your ex-bf. I wish for ya'll th best possible outcome, whatever that may be.
Yay! You exist! Thank you!!! I will read your story later today when I get a chance.
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  #12  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:10 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I wasn't offended celiset, just a bit frustrated. Some of us have been on here a long time and dedicate a lot of time to this forum. I love reading what is going on for people and love helping out when I can with some radical honesty, but I don't like to be made to feel that I have to. That's all.

Thanks fidelia for passing on the link. There are many many people that started on here for the very same reason you are.

I'm not sure I understand your situation. Has he met some women, not met women? I don't get it. Is he looking for a relationship? Or sex? If the latter then that isn't poly by my standard. Its an open relationship which is not what this forum is about. Clarity please, if you know at this point? Its a little confusing.
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  #13  
Old 10-25-2009, 08:49 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I don't know how to put in links. Sorry. Haven't mastered that yet! Still working on figuring out how to tag so when I start my new thread (overdue) I can tag it because I know the regulars wish I would so they could more easily say GO SEARCH FOR THAT!
I have lots of posts-but haven't been here too long!

Maca has posted a wealth of his struggles with being "dragged" into a poly lifestyle, think most is on the general forum, but you could just look him up-click his profile and read all his posts.

Check out lovemore.com as well. I found that site first and read and read and read and read. Then sent like 50 copy/pasted messages to Maca of htings I found on there so he could also read. Very helpful info. Their magazine online has good info too and I think you can search through previous editions... I think...
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  #14  
Old 10-25-2009, 09:33 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I don't know how to put in links. Sorry. Haven't mastered that yet! Still working on figuring out how to tag so when I start my new thread (overdue) I can tag it because I know the regulars wish I would so they could more easily say GO SEARCH FOR THAT!
I have lots of posts-but haven't been here too long!
It is really quite easy. There is nothing to "master". You won't break anything if you make a mistake:

To put in a link, there is a little icon of a paperclip with a globe, above the part where you type in the text of your post. Click that, then enter the URL you want to link to in the little box that drops down.

To add tags to an already existing thread, go to the bottom of the list of messages (right below the "Post Reply" button) and you will see a blue bar with the word "Tags" on the left, and "Edit Tags" over to the right. Click on Edit Tags and you can add up to two tags per thread. If you are starting a new thread, it will say "Tags" in blue letters at the bottom of the box where you type in the text of your post. It will let you put up to 5 tags if you are the one starting the thread.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 10-25-2009 at 09:36 PM.
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  #15  
Old 10-25-2009, 11:15 PM
celiset celiset is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I wasn't offended celiset, just a bit frustrated. Some of us have been on here a long time and dedicate a lot of time to this forum. I love reading what is going on for people and love helping out when I can with some radical honesty, but I don't like to be made to feel that I have to. That's all.

Thanks fidelia for passing on the link. There are many many people that started on here for the very same reason you are.

I'm not sure I understand your situation. Has he met some women, not met women? I don't get it. Is he looking for a relationship? Or sex? If the latter then that isn't poly by my standard. Its an open relationship which is not what this forum is about. Clarity please, if you know at this point? Its a little confusing.
Um, you don't *have* to do anything. Jeez.

*You* get an attitude with me over something trivial in the last post, and in this post still manage to make it seem like it's *my* fault? At least my bf and I both know that neither of us can *make* the other feel anything. How you feel is an independent choice. So if you're feeling frustrated, take a look at yourself first.

To be honest, both he and I have read your "radical honesty" in previous posts and we see you as condescending, codependent, and [deleted by moderator]. How's that for radical honesty?

For everyone else, you all seem really nice and I appreciate your help.

I think I'll take my questions elsewhere.

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 10-26-2009 at 04:30 AM. Reason: The ad hominem was removed.
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  #16  
Old 10-25-2009, 11:36 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celiset View Post
Um, you don't *have* to do anything. Jeez.

*You* get an attitude with me over something trivial in the last post, and in this post still manage to make it seem like it's *my* fault? At least my bf and I both know that neither of us can *make* the other feel anything. How you feel is an independent choice. So if you're feeling frustrated, take a look at yourself first.

To be honest, both he and I have read your "radical honesty" in previous posts and we see you as condescending, codependent, and a big fat know it all. How's that for radical honesty?

For everyone else, you all seem really nice and I appreciate your help.

I think I'll take my questions elsewhere.


I have to step in here.
RP has been brutally honest with some of us-and MANY of us have REQUESTED that of her. Radical honesty is expressing a truth about a situation-it is not letting your emotions allow your ass to over run your mouth.

I have proven myself to be a very patient caring person who is quite capable of trying to see things from anothers perspective. However-I can also say-that in this case-YOU are wrong and that was uncalled for. You owe RP a sincere apology. Others may feel different-but I for one will not return to post any of the many good suggestions I may have so long as things stand as they do after the quoted post.
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  #17  
Old 10-25-2009, 11:43 PM
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There is no need to call names.

Obviously I have offended now, for that I am sorry....

Just for the record I didn't say that quote with any malice towards you, I was stating why I was initially frustrated as a way to move on. My frustration had nothing to do with you personally, which is why I decided I better explain myself as I was feeling bad about my post looking like I was lashing out at you and not my frustration with the same old same old... I usually try and remember that I am not where others are when I suggest that they have a good read and remember that we can't always get to threads instantly in a time of someones need or write about what they want us to write about...I am sorry that I did not remember in your case. My mistake.

Also just for the record..... forum writing is not meant to be taken personally. You don't know who I am and I don't know you... this is a blessing because we can offer opinions and suggestions from our own personal stance on things without sugar coating things....you can take or leave what we all say... I am sure people come on here with the thought that they will get sugar. Well then they should talk to their friends.... those of us near and dear to us give us sugar. The beauty of forums is that we get rational, uninvolved advice from people who have lived what we are going through and have some wisdom because of it. This is THE GIFT. If this sounds condescending then so be it... bye.

Take over everyone else.... obviously I am not wanted here.
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  #18  
Old 10-26-2009, 12:52 AM
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OK HOLD THE BUS!!!!

First RP you know better then to think your not wanted here.This is a public forum and as such when anyone writes here they should expect( hope for) an array of differing opinons. It makes no sense to hear the same advice over and over.

No one can be expected to give solid advice with out understanding the question. RP simply asked you to be clearer so she could help.If you have truely read the posts by RP then you would know she would only spend her time replying to the "NEWBIES" as you put it in order to be of usefulness.

And now you have LR fired up( not a good thing IMO) I was going to share with you but I have to agree that you need to check yourself at the loggin. Purposfully hurting is not tolerated on this board( nor should it be anywhere else).

I can see that your hurting and that your not sure how to deal with this all but honestly you should pull back and regroup your feelings. Dont bite the hands that feed you sort a thing.
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  #19  
Old 10-26-2009, 01:00 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Might we all start over on this one?

Perhaps laying the story out from the beginning, with clarity and then see what advice is given.

Name calling and misuse of words with clear definitions such as codependancy only causes confusion and anger. However I will be sure to pass on the "big fat know it all" slam to my 16 year old daughter. I'm sure it will fit in much better in her social circle.

Peace and love
Mono
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-26-2009 at 01:03 AM.
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  #20  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celiset View Post
Um, you don't *have* to do anything. Jeez.

*You* get an attitude with me over something trivial in the last post, and in this post still manage to make it seem like it's *my* fault? At least my bf and I both know that neither of us can *make* the other feel anything. How you feel is an independent choice. So if you're feeling frustrated, take a look at yourself first.

To be honest, both he and I have read your "radical honesty" in previous posts and we see you as condescending, codependent, and a big fat know it all. How's that for radical honesty?

For everyone else, you all seem really nice and I appreciate your help.

I think I'll take my questions elsewhere.
Unfortunately I find it necessary to revisit this comment. Although I usually try to de-escalate negativity with an over dose of positivism there are some glaring points to note in this that may provide an opportunity to learn from.

I recognize this aggressive, illogical and outright immature approach to dealing with your own shit because I have done it as well. It is generally from a place of fear that people lash out at those that try to help them. Compounding this may be a general inability to understand the help being offered or in understanding that those trying to do so need to understand what the issue is with clear and logical details.

In attacking Redpepper, you have probably denied yourself a valuable insight into how to approach your issue. While she does not know everything, she has a huge amount of experience in many things dealing with relationship dynamics, sexuality, and certainly how to build a functioning, healthy and positive poly relationship. You and your boyfriend are new to this and, if you want a much smoother path in your journey, you would do well to open up to the people who walked the path already. Your choice.

While we'd love to see you stay, share and hopefully work through this issue with the help on this forum, it sounds as if you have become discouraged. I apologize for that and wish you luck in seeking other resources...just try to be clear and receptive in the future no matter where you find yourselves.

Peace and Love
Mono
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