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  #11  
Old 08-24-2011, 12:17 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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@tigersgirl -- If he wants you to work through your jealousy then he needs to do the same. Him saying he's ok with you being wih girls when you're not even attracted to girls is just nonsensical. It'd be exactly the same as if you said "Poly is fine, honey, but only if you only get it on with other dudes. Oh, and I get to flirt and have sex and maybe relationships with men too." I'm just guessing that that wouldn't go over well???

There are ways to work on jealousy, and the xeromag.com site mentioned above is great. But if you guys don't deal with this basic issue of fairness, I think it'll just blow up later down the line. I mean, how can you feel valued and secure when he's saying "This will be great, babe... I get everything I want and *you* get everything I want too!"
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  #12  
Old 08-24-2011, 12:24 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
"This will be great, babe... I get everything I want and *you* get everything I want too!"
*snort*
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #13  
Old 08-24-2011, 12:25 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Another way to think about it... he has to realize that every single bit of uncomfortableness he feels about the idea of you being with guys, you also feel about him being with girls, just with the bits swapped ("are her breasts nicer than mine" versus "is his cock bigger than mine", "will he get her pregnant" versus... well, no, that one's really worded the same either way). Maybe putting it in those terms will help him understand how you feel and be a little more sensitive. You guys can live the poly dream and not break up, with some luck and hard work and communication, but not if he treats your feelings like they're less serious than his.
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  #14  
Old 08-24-2011, 12:59 PM
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tigersgirl4ever tigersgirl4ever is offline
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Guess i'll be finding out soon enough. Hes coming home from offshore today so plan on talking to him some more. I'm not even sure if Poly is what he wants or if its just the sex. He likes porn though I can say it honestly does nothing for him sexually, so havent figured that out yet. I know because though I feel embarrassed, Iv'e put it on Tv several times thinking it would arouse him, it didn't. It's like trading pics with girls are just entertainment for him. He is to me anyway awesome sex wise and though I had lots before him, I'm not experienced. Im too self concious and nervous so I've been researching a lot and will try whatever I can to change that. As for the jealousy thing, I point out to him that its pretty hypocriptical but I honestly dont care If he is or not because I have and will not want anyone else. Im 34 so no kid, I had lousy only in it for financial relationship for 12 years. I know what I want and just need to figure out how to keep him and myself happy.
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  #15  
Old 08-24-2011, 04:17 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Annabel, your perspectives FLOOR me! Awesome.

Tigersgirl, someone posted a link here about porn and its effects, you may want to do some research. It can really twist up people, if it escalates.

It's not about being a prude. Porn can really block emotional intimacy. And I suspect that's what you're into, which is healthy. Don't fall for that shit that it's your fault you're too uptight -- if it's not in moderation, it's out of control. He may be disinterested in porn now because his tolerance level has gone up -- now he needs to take it to a bigger high, i.e."real" women. It could be an addiction. Check into this!!!
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  #16  
Old 08-24-2011, 05:22 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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If women are sending him naked pix, he is probably having cybersex with them. Are you comfortable with that? Do you consider it cheating?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #17  
Old 08-24-2011, 06:13 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Aw, thanks Carma! In this instance, it just comes from being a Kinsey 3 (look up "kinsey scale" on Wikipedia for any who aren't familiar with the term). It makes it much easier to view things like OPP (one penis policy) with total skepticism.
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