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  #41  
Old 08-24-2011, 12:51 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Happy Anniversary !

Funny how we all work with posting ! I tend to be the opposite. If I feel decisive and balanced, I post. When I was realllllllly annoyed with poly, I didn`t post. I had nothing good to say, so I kept my mouth shut !
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  #42  
Old 08-25-2011, 06:02 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Happy Anniversary !
Thanks!! - I am REALLY tired - just realized you already knew about my anniversary... you can disregard that in the email LOL

Pengrah is texting Wellington again. I'm ok with it. I was ok with it back in December after they had broken up and he and I had started the healing process - but he wasn't ready for it.

I won't deny it... I am curious... did she respond? Did you respond? but other than knowing if they are actually talking... I don't really care about the details. Its his relationship to rebuild or not as he sees fit. I know who I am to him and where I fit in his life, and we'll work through anything else that comes up.

I'm not actively seeking anything at this point. I don't have the *urge* to go out and date... I'm happy right now, and am enjoying the friendships I have and new ones I'm making and my relationship with my husband.

Life is good. Life is really good I am content... zomg... so content... LOLOLOLOL
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  #43  
Old 09-21-2011, 02:57 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I wasn't really updating much on my blog - it seems like there's nothing going on on the poly front... but its just that that the "goings on" are more of a personal growth, rather than an outward happening.

I've been trying to come to terms with where I am with poly. Am I poly? Am I monogamous? Am I a swinger? Am I open? Where do I fit?

A friend suggested Dan Savage's term "monogamish" might be more of a fit for me.

Before we go any further, yes, I get that there's no *need* to label things, but for me, it gives me a starting point, a frame of reference.

So I look for a label that works for me.

When I first embarked on a poly journey, it was because I had a crush on someone. I talked my husband into it (sorta - he can't really be talked into things, but it did take a lot of talking) and then he fell in love with someone else.

Their relationship didn't really work in that there was a LOT of things that were done "wrong" according to all things poly on this board. I can boil it down to simple NRE and 3 people who didn't know how to handle that with grace and dignity.

So that ended. And now almost a year after it ended, on our end, we've mostly healed, we're doing really well. In the time since we started our journey, I've not been in another relationship other than my marriage. I haven't found anyone that I want to be with, that I want to put my energy into, but I have made a lot of great friends.

So now, when I think about me being "poly" I wonder how it will fit with my life, and how I will make time for it. Then I realized, through derby, that if the right person came along and I was open to it, it would just happen. I would just make it happen.

So maybe monogamish is more of a fit than poly or monogamous. Or maybe I don't need a label at all.

I don't know.

I joined a queer group on facebook. For some, this may be a "yeah, so?" thing, but for me, joining an openly queer group in the town I live in will make people go... wtf? Its an open group on fb. Its not a closed or a secret group.

To close friends, and my husband and people on anonymous boards, I'm openly bisexual. To people who are not in the "know" I live the mainstream, happily married life.

So I've stepped out of my comfort zone.

I'm not going to proof read this - typing has been interrupted with conversation with kids & hubby so it may seem a bit discombobulated and disconnected. I apologize for that
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  #44  
Old 09-21-2011, 05:56 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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MBG,

Props to you on joining an open queer Facebook group! That is not a small step at all - any step towards coming out (whatever one comes out as) is difficult and feels so hard to the person taking them. Kudos!
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  #45  
Old 09-21-2011, 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post

I've been trying to come to terms with where I am with poly. Am I poly? Am I monogamous? Am I a swinger? Am I open? Where do I fit?
My vote is for the label of : ' Monog-a-bubble-maker-wielding-indoor-tomato-growing-derby-lover-mish'

But, it might sound to simple.
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  #46  
Old 09-22-2011, 05:34 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Monog-a-bubble-maker-wielding-indoor-tomato-growing-derby-lover-mish'
Bet you can't say THAT 5 times fast!!!
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  #47  
Old 10-07-2011, 09:35 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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So I'm more than 1/2 in love with someone with whom nothing will ever happen.

There's no way in hell, not a chance on this earth that it will happen as long as current status quo's are maintainted.

But every time we interact, I get butterflies. I get all excited then I get sad because its never going to happen - and I'm *forced* to spend time with him 2X a year (its not a hardship - just somewhat painful) so its not like I can do the out of sight, out of mind, out of heart method of letting go.

Blah.
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  #48  
Old 10-27-2011, 01:52 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Been a long time since I've updated this. Meh, life happens.

One year ago I went on a field trip with my boys. It was supposed to be 2 days of relaxation for hubby, he was supposed to get some down time.

Instead - the woman he was seeing chose THAT time to tell him something that previous experience should have told her would upset him. And I was 5 hours away.

Instead of a fantastic weekend of relaxation for him, and one of me focussed on my boys - I spent several hours talking to him to calm him down.

And then - the weekend from hell. I wrote a poem about it - its on Fetlife.

They broke up a year ago this coming Monday and that was the start of many months of healing for us.

We still haven't stepped back into the world of multiple relationships. He has said he never will - but he wants me to be free/comfortable to.

It has changed our relationship - both for good and bad. The closeness we have found is amazing. Our communication skills are better. 1000X better. But there's an aspect to our relationship that has changed and I want it back.. *sigh*

In my head, I go over and over and over... what could I have done differently to make it all work?

Logically, I know I did the best I could with the resources I had on hand. The only thing I can "logically" see I should have done different was use this board more and let my feelings out here more.

Logically, I know that regardless of what *I* did, there were aspects to THEIR relationship that I found untenable and unworkable for MY relationship.

It doesn't change the fact that I still work through it in my head.

Its been an interesting year. I have made new friends, lost people I thought were friends and discovered I can still be friends with someone I want to be friends with.
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  #49  
Old 10-27-2011, 03:11 PM
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Does that mean it's field trip time again this weekend? If you have time while you're here give me a call, maybe we can meet up for coffee.
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  #50  
Old 11-09-2011, 11:45 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Default He's ISFJ & I'm ENFJ

And the descriptions fit us to a *T*

Ok, so that makes sense.

BUT... now we have a bit of a problem... LOL

HE has a 'needs to be needed' issue, and does things that *I* like because, well, he likes to please.

So he's a bit of a service Top.

I really need/want a Dom.

But part of his personality is that he is rather "posessive" of his loved ones, and doesn't like to share (until you become one of his loved ones... if that makes sense)

So. Found an interesting issue with us - somethinge we'd been sorta skirting around for a while - we just didn't have a "name" or a "descripter" for it.

Now we do.

So now to figure out how to work around this. Because, although I'd probably be totally thrilled to have a Dom, and I most certainly want to explore other relationships.... I love him and really wanted him to be that for me.
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