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Old 08-23-2011, 06:06 PM
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River River is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
... I really, really don't get how or why 'materialistic' is the term your friend chose to describe the responses. .... I'm really curious about it.
Well, the impression I got was that Sean was using "materialistic" as roughly synonymous with "greedy". And I agree very much that the word seems widly off the mark, since people and relationships are not material possessions.

I've come to think of my sexuality as just one of many ways in which I can be intimate and give and receive love and affection, but I'm certainly often around people who don't see sexuality in this way, but rather as a resource which other people have which one can get from them, like a commodity. So these are radically differing paradigms about sexuality which often result in great misunderstandings in communication and in relationships.

A person who thinks of sexuality as an exchange of resource may have a terrible time comprehending what polyamory is to a person like me, for whom sex is less central to loving experience (though still lovely and important). Friendship is central to my loverly relationships, and non-sexual intimacies and sharings of experience are as precious to me as "making love". So it is not difficult for me to love multiple persons "romantically," because the model is friendship rather than resource or ownership. I don't possess my dear Kevin, nor FarawaySweetheart. Nor would I wish to! They are free agents in their own lives, and we come together because we enjoy one another. Period.

Mature, sensible people do not insist to their close friends that they have no other close friends, right?! That's crazy talk! So why do/should "we" expect this of our lovers? It is a form of madness. It really isn't very loving.

A friend of mine just complained to me about his wife who won't let him have female friends, for fear.... He feels imprisoned, because he prefers women for friends, since he finds so many men rather uninteresting. And I have many such stories. It is commonplace, it seems, for people to imprison "the one they love". I think it's time for our culture to grow up some.
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