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Old 08-23-2011, 03:30 PM
Sharer Sharer is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
Default Helping the Mono Find Happy

I'm in a relationship with a married couple. He's poly but she identifies as mono and although shes trying very hard to adapt she can't seem to relax and let go. I've known them both for a very long time so I'm not a stranger but this doesn't seem to be of any comfort. She treats me as competition which is a very weird vibe. Im worried because she seems to be struggling with all of this and as a means of coping she has begun to control every aspect of his and my relationship.

Currently they are on vacation which is great. I'm hoping it may help her to relax a bit and it's always good to have some focused time with your love. He and I communicate by text once a day and do a check in. As part of the control she reads every single text and email he receives. Personally, I don't mind if she does, were not trying to hide anything, but it inevitably upsets her. Since it upsets her he has begun to edit his texts to me so they are very generic and emotionless. Hes told me hes doing this on purpose so she won't be hurt but it really irks me.

She and I are very different people. She's funny as hell but pragmatic and grounded and I'm a little more giggly, romantic and bohemian. Strangely, she seems to find these differences a threat. I think she believes that because hes poly it means that shes not good enough and if she becomes more like me he may decide he doesnt need to do this anymore. Both he and I have explained that its just not so and its not about me being a better fit for him. He loves her just the way she is and just because Im in the picture it doesnt mean he loves her any less. It just means he loves me too.

Shes trying very hard to make his poly needs fit into her life but Im worried that we are going to break her. I like this woman and dont want to see her shattered but I also love him and would be terribly hurt if we had to end our relationship. Soooooo after that very long intro I'm just wondering if there any monos out there who can give me some advice on how to help her find her happiness in this situation?
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