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  #121  
Old 08-23-2011, 04:39 AM
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ha, I totally misread your other post as being you fell for a vanilla instead of you fell for Vanilla. Sorry bout that! My post must have seemed super random. Good luck with managing all the NRE. Be sure to let yourself just enjoy it too. I remember not really getting to in my last relationship and really regretting that. I hope you get to have lots of fun with all your partners.
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  #122  
Old 08-23-2011, 12:22 PM
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ha, I totally misread your other post as being you fell for a vanilla instead of you fell for Vanilla.
hehe

Yeah, the part about Vanilla being on one end or another of a leash should've been a dead giveaway.

Personally, I wouldnt want to date/have sex with a vanilla person either. And Cindie, I really don't think you're all that vanilla. I think there's some chocolate sprinkles in your cone, at least.
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  #123  
Old 08-23-2011, 01:13 PM
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Have I mentioned before that you're freaking adorable?? Because you are!
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  #124  
Old 08-23-2011, 01:15 PM
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Last fall I finally weaned her off the phone convos. Now we talk a few times a week. It was difficult. I got a lot of accusations of me not loving her, etc.
Wow, how did you do it? What made you do it? Did you just one day say "Mum, I can't talk now" or what?
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  #125  
Old 08-23-2011, 01:18 PM
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Oh, I was wondering because you were sounding like an expert already.
I try to READ READ READ! Even stuff that frankly squicks me a bit. And then talk about what I learned. It's such a huge part of who she is that I try to stay informed to be able to appreciate her for who she is. And ask a lot of stupid questions on the way.
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  #126  
Old 08-23-2011, 01:32 PM
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My post must have seemed super random. Good luck with managing all the NRE.
Oh no, not at all! I just interpreted it as musing over how a seasoned kinkster like Vanilla might also have trepidations about dating an uninitiated vanilla ice cream like myself, like you were offering another POV. I really appreciate the input, hadn't even thought about it from her angle.

Oh, and dental dams are available via the net up here also! Moonlight checked them out for me even though I never mentioned it to him, just read it here on my blog, did a bit of research and posted me the links, because he's great like that!

I've decided to call the cluster I inhabit my clan from now on. Thanks to Mum who asked whether the New Girl will be incorporated to "my clan" also. I can't help but to think that a "tribe" is a bit inaccurate a term from an anthropological POV. If my notes from my Anthropology 101 class are in order, "clan" refers to a group of people who can trace common ancestry to a shared forefather/mother. A "tribe" is a group of people who believe they share common ancestry and often cite a mythological forefather/mother that started the tribe as the common link between all the tribe members, but cannot actually trace their lineage all the way back to them.

I think I will continue to refer to people who are either involved directly with me or with my partners (thus being my metamours) as my clan and if I ever am to gain paramours of metamours, they would form the limits of my polyamorous tribe, where my clan is one among many interconnected clans .
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  #127  
Old 08-23-2011, 02:16 PM
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I've decided to call the cluster I inhabit my clan from now on.
So what you're saying is that my suggestion of "clusterfuck" didn't even make the short list??
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  #128  
Old 08-23-2011, 02:53 PM
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So what you're saying is that my suggestion of "clusterfuck" didn't even make the short list??
It was right there with the figure eight ray suggested . Now that Windy and I are no longer actually fucking, that particular formation is gone, and hence the need to name it .

Apppears I'm flooding my own blog, but hey, it's my blog, so here goes:

1) The New Girl and her SO used to be poly from the get-go of their relationship. However, major unresolved jealousy ensued on both sides. Yes, there was boundary-breaking involved (she refers to them as rules). So they did the mono thing for a while. This time around, they are "open", with an OPP in place, and already running into difficulties (not with me, thank gawd).

Is this a giant red flag I'm just not seeing from all the red lust haze? Or normal growing pains a couple goes through? Should I just back the fuck off or let adults be adults and deal with their own relationships?

2) Flattie's going through a rough patch with the moving-out and all. I went with her to therapy last night, and her therapist said I function as her auxiliary ego in taking care of stuff she can't manage, such as cancelling her date last night.

This week I've dedicated to hanging out with her instead of my previous plans to hang out with Moonlight and Vanilla. So where I used to be undecided on the issue of whether polyships affect each other or not, the jury is now out on that one; sometimes you need to prioritize, on the basis of who needs you most at any given moment.
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  #129  
Old 08-23-2011, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
And Cindie, I really don't think you're all that vanilla. I think there's some chocolate sprinkles in your cone, at least.
Shhhh!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #130  
Old 08-23-2011, 09:13 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Yep, polyships affect each other. Like they say, love may be infinite but time sure ain't! Not to mention that when I've had a good time with one partner I find that I'm happier and more into things with the other, whereas if I'm feeling confused or down about things with one I'm mopey with the other.

Also, I'm not a fan of OPP (what if you suddenly sprout a penis, would she need to break up with you?) but I can see being lenient with them. As I recently described on my blog, my lovers have had a checkered past with poly. Mistakes are natural, it's all in whether you're willing/able to learn from them...
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