Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 08-22-2011, 03:07 AM
dearprudence dearprudence is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Philadelphia burbs
Posts: 21
Default Longterm OSO

I am in love with my Beta. Fucked up in love. It's been 8 months. The NRE phase is over - it's not manic and unbridled anymore. That was superb while it lasted! Now I just want him around. I want him to live here with me and my husband. I want to spend that kind of time with him. Get to know him in those daily-life ways. My relationship with my husband is better with him around. I need and want both of them. In the same bed with me in the middle. It's such a delicious fantasy. To fall asleep in both of their arms.

But alas, he is married, and this is where we are. He can be a bigger part of my life than I can be in his (my husband has other lovers welcome in our home, we have no kids, we're "out" to most friends and family vs. boyfriend has step-kids who live at home, wife who is "open" but requires absolute discretion).

I can't have more of him. I can only have what he has to offer. And I'm struggling. There is a connection that could last. This is a unique situation with its own set of limitations and boundaries. After 8 months, it's extremely difficult for me to not jump to conventional next steps - living together, planning for the future, waking up together, saying "good morning" face to face instead of via text?

What does a long term secondary look like? What does it feel like? Where does it go from here?

We are in a unique situation. And I struggle with seeing the positives of that when I want more right now.

And I know it's only 8 months. It's not NRE anymore, but it's still new and shiny. I don't know what happens next. I don't have a benchmark.

He is a priority in my life. He is important. He has a place that I make room for without much trouble. But what the hell do I do with this hunger for him? And just wanting him around?
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:09 PM.