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Old 08-19-2011, 09:36 PM
Hypsie Hypsie is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
Question Questions from a newbie

I'm new to polyamory and just entered into a triad and have some questions..

First: Are rules and restrictions normal for a third in a triad?
I ask because I've asked about being intimate with both if them separately, and they said "not yet". I can cuddle and kiss and be touchy-feely with him, but nothing more. I'm not sure what my boundaries with her are because she's apparently nervous about being physical with me since she's never had sex with a woman before. I try to be equally physical with them both but it's hard because she doesn't really respond or reciprocate when I touch or kiss her. I may just be acting insecure, but this makes me feel a little dejected and confused. Not to mention I feel bad giving him so much more attention than her. I think he feels the same way because he's always trying to get her involved with us cuddling and things. I'm not completely sure all of this is fair either, because I have no problem with them being intimate without me, and they are, but I'm still restricted with what I can do. Is this normal for the beginning of this kind of relationship?

And: How is this supposed to work?
I'm not completely sure what my role is supposed to be in this whole thing because they have an established relationship of 5 years. They said that we'd all be equals in the relationship(other than the intimacy rule which is supposed to be temporary), but I feel like I'm on the back burner to their relationship to each other. I expressed to them that I felt I was expendable but they told me I wasn't and that even if things didn't work with us as a triad we'd still be friends and they would go back to it just being them. But that didn't exactly help that feeling.. It's odd for me to be in a relationship like this because I don't feel I'm needed, I feel like I'm just an addition because they feel like having one. Should I get over this kind of feeling to be in a polyamorous relationship?

Advice and counsel is much appreciated =)
Thanks in advance!
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jealousy, new comer, new dynamics, new partners, secondary, third wheel, triad

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