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  #11  
Old 08-16-2011, 06:19 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Look for dirt on him so that you can hold it over him. I know that sounds awful, and I don't suggest you use it unless you have to, but I have seen far too many women with nothing manage to come out of situations like yours simply because they had evidence that their men were up to no good... stuff that would hold up in court.
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  #12  
Old 08-17-2011, 02:10 AM
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Bahalana Bahalana is offline
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Follow up on that legal aid. You need a lawyer, they will know what evidence to collect, how to collect it, where to keep it. Consequently you'll know what and how to hide anything you may need to about yourself. They will know what, if any (hopefully none), legal rights he has, so you can avoid violating them. A good divorce lawyer should be able to tell you how to get your hands on any money you can legally, and how to hide it illegally (though officially they should advise against it). When you leave (please, please leave) they can file the restraining order you will almost certainly need. Be honest with your lawyer, once you've hired them, their only job is to protect you.
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  #13  
Old 08-18-2011, 10:08 PM
831couple 831couple is offline
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Sounds like he may be bi-polar. We have had some experience with Bi-polar people. Sure does sound like he is as well. His behavior is not normal
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  #14  
Old 08-19-2011, 11:59 AM
gurudave gurudave is offline
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every one is correct. Get your shit together. Save and gather info. Relocate. Its not as hard while your kids are young. They adapt. put your self with him in public and try to get to respond poorly to situations. People will notice ans this will help you proove bad caractor.
Good luck and take care
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  #15  
Old 08-19-2011, 12:48 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Look for dirt on him so that you can hold it over him. I know that sounds awful, and I don't suggest you use it unless you have to, but I have seen far too many women with nothing manage to come out of situations like yours simply because they had evidence that their men were up to no good... stuff that would hold up in court.
I guess this is one example of a "good reason" to invade someone else's privacy, n'est ce pas?

We've talked about this on the forum before. I'm not trying to hijack; but i wanted to point that out. Some folks say there is never a good excuse to snoop on someone and i disagree. If protecting oneself is paramount, other people's privacy can kiss ass.
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  #16  
Old 08-19-2011, 12:52 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Just a few more suggestions;

1) If he ever gets physically abusive (pre- or post-break-up), tell as many people as you can about it. Go to the doctor, have your injuries documented.

2) Keep a detailed diary of the contacts he makes with you and the kids. Don't talk to him over the phone unless you're recording or have him on a speaker with another adult present. Save all messages, be they e-mails, IMs or texts. Note especially his (lack of) contact with the kiddoes - it will give you ammo if/when there is going to be a custody hearing.

3) Look into support groups for people who have been victimized by people with personality disorders. They might have bunch of good advice.

4) Never show him fear. I know of a woman whose partner was telling her that if she ever tried to leave, he would file for custody and bring in character wittnesses who would confim she was sexually immoral, a bad parent, a substance abuser and mentally instable. She responded with; "Oh there's no need for that. I'm okay with seeing the kids every other weekend. Just decide if you want me to pick them up on Thursdays or Fridays". He never brought up the issue again.
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  #17  
Old 08-19-2011, 04:29 PM
mikle mikle is offline
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Default I agree

I have a brother-in-law, just like this. If I didn't know better I would think this is my sister-in-law. I agre witht he post about being bi-polar. He was diagnosed with bi-polar and his behavior is exactly as you have described.
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  #18  
Old 08-19-2011, 04:53 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I guess this is one example of a "good reason" to invade someone else's privacy, n'est ce pas?

We've talked about this on the forum before. I'm not trying to hijack; but i wanted to point that out. Some folks say there is never a good excuse to snoop on someone and i disagree. If protecting oneself is paramount, other people's privacy can kiss ass.
..exactly.....

Now back to your regularly scheduled, Phil Donahue moment.
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  #19  
Old 08-20-2011, 12:02 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
..exactly.....

Now back to your regularly scheduled, Phil Donahue moment.
Wait, what's a "Phil Donahue moment"?

Ok, I just want to say that if this situation is how the OP is portraying this, she really needs to be getting some kind of professional support now and not trying to do these things on her own volition. Support groups are for later. If he is abusive and she thinks it might escalate, she really should be thinking of legal support and moving to a safer place. I'm not saying the gathering of evidence isn't important, but again, if we are understanding the situation correctly, then I think safety is the most important issue here.

We can't give the guy a clinical analysis based on her posts in a forum. He may have mental health issues, or not. Either way, if he is indeed abusive, she needs to be safe from him and not alone.
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  #20  
Old 08-23-2011, 02:16 AM
Stacy Stacy is offline
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OK...I am beginning to wonder about the bi-polar. He is spending money we don't have, compulsive eating..full meals every 2-3 hours(again something we cannot afford right now)lying about upcoming jobs, and as of yesterday is talking about moving with the girlfriend...not 'moving in' with the girlfriend...he is talking as if they already live together and are going to be packing and moving and painting their bedroom. He left here today at 1:30 to go to her house...right before the kids came home from their first day of school...his hid in his office this morning when we were getting ready..my back is out(he decided I needed a back rub and jammed his thumbs into the small of my back and now I can barely walk 2 steps without crying and he did nothing to help with the kids...I drove them, walked them to classes, the teachers thought I was sad because it was the first day. He did take the kids to her house last week..acting like dad of the year, playing with them, talking to them while at her house....but he's still acting like they are lepers while he is here.

I should have some privacy to make some phone calls tomorrow morning to legal aid, possibly the welfare office to see if I have some options beyond my mom's house....I was really hoping that I would be working by now.

My mother is practically salivating to get me to move in with her...but says I have to agree to stay until she dies(she is convinced her husband is knocking on death's door and is really worried about who will mow the lawn and pay his half of the bills) and she plans to live another 40 years..she isn't joking ..she is serious about all of it and wants me to sign an agreement...so I am surrounded by insanity. I told her that I was thinking about counseling she said I didn't need it that once I was at her house I'd get over what ever it is I think is wrong...

Thanks again....if only I could turn back time by about 10-12 years...
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