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  #61  
Old 08-17-2011, 10:57 PM
Periwinkle Periwinkle is offline
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There are all of four forums on the asexual tag. XD
One thread is really surprising: "Is it possible to be emotionally poly?" It seems baffling to me that this would be . . . baffling. I always thought of non-physical love as just as intense as physical love, and personally preferable.
So there's a bit of the ace perspective: "Sex? Why?" I wonder sometimes if asexuality looks the same to sexual people from the outside as polyamory looks to mono people from the outside.

River: Ha, I've never been asked such forward questions. I'm a fairly private person, but I enjoy informing people, so:
I like being physically comfortable with people I know well, so I'd like one of those relationships where personal space becomes nonexistent. I'm in my first relationship, though (at the tender age of eighteen, I know) so I don't know all that much about myself at this point. Sometimes kissing seems like a good idea to me, sometimes all I can think about is spit (and cooties, ew!). I really don't have much personal information to offer, I'm afraid.
I actually have a lot of ace friends who are very into touch and kissing, and there are ace people who will touch more intimately without it quite becoming sex. And I once read this lovely article about sensual touch and aces who have sex not for the sexual aspect but for the sensation of being close to someone . . . if that makes sense? I wish I could find the article.
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  #62  
Old 08-17-2011, 11:29 PM
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And I once read this lovely article about sensual touch and aces who have sex not for the sexual aspect but for the sensation of being close to someone . . . if that makes sense? I wish I could find the article.
Periwinkle,

It takes much courage to really open up with people, whether in a forum like this or anywhere. Thanks for summoning such courage!

You're obviously a bright young man, and a loving, kind person.

Yes, it makes much sense, what you say. "The sensation of being close to someone". Indeed! Genital contact certainly isn't necessary for me in my loving of people! I enjoy that contact. But it is the contact itself that is so wonderful and happy-making -- even when the contact is through words, the sharing of poetry and song, of experiences of all kinds -- whether we're literally touching and being touched or only figuratively.

I used to be mono. In my first love experience I was. And I changed. And I was mostly "gay," and now I am very, very "bi". I've also changed in the way I connect and relate with women, and expect that change to continue. But I've always been just fine just the way I am, and that, I hope, will be how you experience yourself.

Perhaps you'll always remain "ace," and that would be fine, too. Or maybe you, too, will change over time. Who knows? You're fine just as you are, and love is love is love, regardless of how we touch or don't touch one another.

Love is the important thing. As you know.

Thanks again for sharing! Much love to you.
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  #63  
Old 08-18-2011, 12:44 AM
Periwinkle Periwinkle is offline
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I'm actually working on being more open with people, so thank you.

Of course there's all kinds of touch, that's a very good point. I imagine that in asexual relationships, there are just as broad and array of the types of touch, with the only distinction that there isn't sexual touch, or to the degree that there is in sexual relationships.

If I gave the impression that I'm hoping to make myself less "asexual," I apologize. I'm sex-repulsed, which is what it says on the tin: I'm squicked out by it. Knowing that, I try to emphasize that not all aces are like that. We get stereotyped as clueless prudes often enough (see: Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) that my being one doesn't help. XD

Much love to you too, River!
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  #64  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:18 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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... since that component doesn't need to be satisfied by the asexual partners.
I think that will prove rare. I have one non-sexual romance currently and find it less-than-fulfilling. I'm certainly not going to entertain the thought of any more in the future. I suspect many folk who get involved in a first such relationship will come to the same conclusion.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #65  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:39 AM
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If I gave the impression that I'm hoping to make myself less "asexual," I apologize. I'm sex-repulsed, which is what it says on the tin: I'm squicked out by it. Knowing that, I try to emphasize that not all aces are like that. We get stereotyped as clueless prudes often enough (see: Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) that my being one doesn't help. XD
Alls I'm saying is that this could be temporary, as nearly everything is.
You're young. I'm getting old-ish. Who knows!? If you're "squicked" now, you may not be squicked later. But if you are, so what? That's fine. The important thing, I think, is the loving part. And that begins with ourselves. A time may come when you're not squicked by sex. And that would be fine, too. Not that there is any difference when it comes to the loving one another aspect. Love is rich and good, however it happens.

By no means do I think you need to change, or that you should be different than how you are at present--or ever.
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  #66  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:44 AM
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I have one non-sexual romance currently and find it less-than-fulfilling. I'm certainly not going to entertain the thought of any more in the future.
I have one too, and it's not in the least "less-than-fulfilling". Well, he's a friend that loves me and that I love, and we share wonderful embraces, kisses, cuddling. My life would be thin without it. I love him just as he is, enormously, happily, without wish of anything different. He's my "straight boyfriend," and that of my boyfriend as well. Such love!
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  #67  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:51 AM
Periwinkle Periwinkle is offline
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I'm actually totally fine with being sex-repulsed; it's not something that upsets me and I don't see it as having a negative impact on my life. It upsets me a bit the importance placed on the fact that I could change. I've sort of heard it all my life: "You'll start liking it when you're older!" I'm not any more interested in it today then I was when I first heard about it. I may become un-squicked; likewise, someone un-squicked now could become squicked.

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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I think that will prove rare. I have one non-sexual romance currently and find it less-than-fulfilling. I'm certainly not going to entertain the thought of any more in the future. I suspect many folk who get involved in a first such relationship will come to the same conclusion.
Except for the ones that don't, of course. It's lovely that you now know that about yourself, but it's no reason to discourage existing relationships. There are many relationships between sexual and asexual people that are successful and happy.

River: your relationship with your "straight boyfriend" sounds just wonderful!
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  #68  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:00 AM
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River: your relationship with your "straight boyfriend" sounds just wonderful!
Oh, it is! I love him so.

Love is so much more important to sex, for me. But I adore sexual loving! My adoration is no comment on your sqicked-ness. Difference is good. And my saying that you might change in the future is not a veiled suggestion than you're not perfect just as you are, right now. I think you're wonderful!
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  #69  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:05 AM
Periwinkle Periwinkle is offline
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Oh, it is! I love him so.

Love is so much more important to sex, for me. But I adore sexual loving! My adoration is no comment on your sqicked-ness. Difference is good. And my saying that you might change in the future is not a veiled suggestion than you're not perfect just as you are, right now. I think you're wonderful!
Oh, shucks. I think you're wonderful, too.
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  #70  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:10 AM
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>smile<
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