I've read over most of the thread from the start, thought I admit to skipping over an occasional entry. I think I understand your frustration MT. I do find my husband moves at a much slower pace when it comes to adjusting to poly life than I do. I can imagine how hard it is to be faced with such resistance from your wife.
And yet, I see the other side of the coin. I was not the one looking to venture out of my originally mono relationship. My hubby didn't tell me everything when we were first dating...hence I thought I was dating a straight male. Took him almost a year to admit to being Bi. We eventually opened our marriage so HE could find a male lover, and he did. And it was a struggle for me...the most difficult decision I'd ever faced. I was scared to lose him and worried I'd opened up a can of worms that would be the END of us. Fast forward to a few months later, I decided to join in for a bit of 3some fun in order to ease MY jealousy/envy because I REALLY wanted to be OK with it.
The irony: His male lover (with whom he's had a warm loving sexual relationship and still does) ended up falling in love with me. Now my husband is the one who's dealing with jealousy issues...very slowly. Some days, I wish I could just run away from the whole poly thing, but those are exceptions. Most days, I feel VERY lucky to be allowed all that extra love.