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  #51  
Old 11-07-2010, 07:11 PM
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Missed you guys too!! Hope you got pics..
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  #52  
Old 11-07-2010, 07:22 PM
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Missed you guys too!! Hope you got pics..
yup!
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  #53  
Old 11-07-2010, 09:23 PM
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It's good that you have the questions to ask so that she can examine what being in a mono poly relationship might mean to her down the line. I also think that at least at first it's probably good to reserve your oppinion until you have a better idea of who she is and what she wants out of life.
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  #54  
Old 11-07-2010, 10:04 PM
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I also think that at least at first it's probably good to reserve your oppinion until you have a better idea of who she is and what she wants out of life.
Agreed!
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  #55  
Old 08-12-2011, 08:30 PM
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It's easy to understand a mono, to a mono love is like a secret shared with their favorite person. To a poly love is like a weekly flyer posted on telephone poles.
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  #56  
Old 08-12-2011, 11:22 PM
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HI GUYS.

Firstly whenever I read "mono/poly" something twists inside me. mono/poly is actually 'monopoly' and the very first thing a monogamous person has to come to terms with is that they can never have a monopoly over a polyamorous person. That's why I always refer to it as 'polymono'. Might sound silly but for me there is a depth of meaning in words.

Mono I feel very similar to you about giving advice and I think it is a wonderful idea to ask questions rather than share our experiences which will could very well colour their experiences. I am quite surprised by your first question though "Does she feel truly monogamous?" . I thought in that workshop you did with RP you tried to get away from the whole idea of labels? I'm wondering at the moment if we actually do ourselves a disservice by identifying so strongly with monogamy. It is a label that initially gives us comfort, context and a tribe but I don't think it does us much good long term.

What I found recently is that a lot of pain has come up from me, triggered by polyamory but actually having nothing to do with polyamory. It's old childhood stuff. The whole mono persona just added an unnecessary layer of cultural baggage that I had to address before getting to the real issues.
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  #57  
Old 08-13-2011, 07:30 AM
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@sage- this is an old thread. Some of what you ask might be answered by that alone.
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  #58  
Old 08-13-2011, 08:25 AM
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I like labels for many things...PN is more of the getting away from them guy. But I understand the reasoning and think he and Redpepper are very wise in wanting to see past them.

I am monogamous..and proud of it
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  #59  
Old 08-13-2011, 11:02 AM
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Thanks RP, I realised it was old but misread the date on Mono's list. I didn't realise that was old too. Although it seems by his comments he likes his mono label.

I don't think I like mine anymore. I know I came to this place a number of months ago but I seemed to get sucked back into the cultural norm of monogamy. Maybe because you Mono, are so immersed in poly culture it doesn't have the same affect on you. But I seem to find identifying as mono in a polymono relationship sets me up for a gigantic self-pity party. Polyamory brings up enough stuff for me without having to hack myself out of the "one true love" story, that pops up everywhere. I've decided to try putting it away as simply a story that I no longer choose to identify with.
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  #60  
Old 08-14-2011, 07:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
Although it seems by his comments he likes his mono label.

Yup
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Originally Posted by sage View Post
but I seemed to get sucked back into the cultural norm of monogamy. Maybe because you Mono, are so immersed in poly culture it doesn't have the same affect on you. .
I work in a completely mono culture (on the outside..what people do in reality is far more diverse I'm sure). The guys I ride with are all in the mono culture and many of my close friends are very mono. The thing is, I have never been fully apart of any large community. If something happened to me and RP I would undoubtedly slip back into the mono circles I am used too..that's just natural I think. There is always a little comfortableness when I interact with people who don't fully know our dynamic. I've just learned to live with it.

Oddly enough, I use the label of mono within the poly community as a signal to others not to bother approaching me...but I do like to flirt I am more hesitant to tell my mono friends that my girlfriend has others partners but I don't want any...then they really can't see anything in it for me and I think tend to judge me as being per-verbally "pussy whipped".

Meh.....screw it. I ride my own ride and live my own life. What everybody else does is up to them.
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-14-2011 at 07:59 PM.
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