How can I be "less"?

[123]

Originally Posted by islandgy9

In an email recently M said: " Have you considered coming out to the forum and saying you are bi? Revealing the whole of you is risky but may be freeing. It was pointed out to me early on that I can NEVER meet all of your needs particularly sexually..." personally I don't remember "pointing out" that she could "NEVER" meet all of my needs...

Interesting. I think the point of why she'd say that was kind of glossed over in the "bisexuality" discussion, but I get what she was going for. You want her to be "more" in your life and she's saying, "how can i possibly be everything you want ANYWAY.... i can't satisfy you fully because i don't have a penis," [for lack of more elegant phrasing lol].

people have said this often and i don't quite get WHY. realistically, who can give another person 100% of what they want? i may be attracted to girls with large breasts and large bums. if my girlfriend has small breasts and a large bum, that doesn't mean i'm unhappy or unsatisfied with her. i can still love feel total joy at the sexual relationship we have. doesn't mean i'm still not into large breasts, but i don't NEED her to have them.

also on that train, i often say just because i am polyamorous doesn't mean i NEED to have multiple partners at all times. i can be perfectly happy with one partner -- what makes me polyamorous is KNOWING that i CAN have full, loving relationships with multiple partners. same goes for bisexuality -- doesn't mean i HAVE to be with males and females all the time. i can have a fully satisfying relationship with one person, but i know that i have the ability to be with either sex. that's that.

i dunno, not really much on the topic at hand... just something i find comes up a surprising amount. people assume because you have a certain label, you HAVE to live a certain way or you'll never be happy.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by islandgy9

I didn't mean to come across as judgemental as to pure Poly/love vs. Swinging or sport fucking (that last term sounded kind of derogitory to even me! :0 ). People like/want/need different things that's all. It just seems to me that in some posts/threads "swinging" has been specificly pointed out, even isolated as and identified as non-poly. The thought of recreational sex "seems" to bother some folks maybe because to them it "lessens" what loving physical intimacy means to them. I understand that. I'm not arguing anything or defending myself, there is no conflict here .

What has been determined here, as far as I have seen anyway, is that poly love and swinging can co-exsist in a person. We are not all made up of one thing. Swinging is not poly, but you can be poly and enjoy swinging or sport sex... just to clarify.

[rubyslippers]

what comes most naturally to IG, is "being with" others...couples...he said recently. Most Naturally...and he has vowed to himself, and i applaud him for this, to live without denying this part of himself, which he needs and which in previous lives, he has promised he would refrain from, which led to giving in...which led to deceit...which led to destruction.

He no longer wants deceit via omission or commission, in his life...something else which is a bold step and which i am proud of him for...in a sense he is "standing up" for who he is and how he wants his life and loves and caring relationships to be....

I am far more of a loner that IG...some of my best times have been alone, out in the woods or out in my boat, hunting or fishing, alone (with dogs as company) I need that.

I suspected some women in family lore were polyamorous...and now at 50 I understand, there are options to the monogamous Prince XCharming on a white horse model who will save me from 100 percent of the pain of life and give me 100 percent of the joy and love and companionship and be eveything I will ever need.

Thank God, when my young niece and her friends go out in to the neighborhood Woods to play Princesses...they wear tiaras and sequined fairy wings, carry toy jeweled wands...and play pretend battle with monsters and demons and dark forces in the universe...coming back muddy scratched by brush but happy and fulfilled...

THAT's my idea of a princess...don't wait to be saved, learn how to save others...and while you're at it, you can save yourself with the help and battle tactics of your fellow princesses...and the princes on the white horses who DO happen into your life!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by nicothoe

Let's be honest here, the vast majority of relationships start out with a large sexual component, which eventually gives way to love.

For YOU.

There are many members here who prefer to start off their relationships as friendships and take it slowly, building up to love before having sex - because sex is not what they focus on. That's not how my relationships usually develop, but just because we're all poly here doesn't mean we're automatically cavalier and casual about sex, or that anyone should assume that every poly person is also open or swinging.

[rubyslippers]

meeting or knowing an individual, whether in person or at a distance, and intuiting something deeper can occur...is how i move forward with a relationship. however deep it may develop or with what amount of "connectivity"

FOR ME this works...

ps have known IG for 17 years...when he lived a few houses away....i would hear the roar of his motorcycle...see his dark eyes and long dark ponytail, rangy build...and kind ways...and try not to shatter my lower jaw on the road more than once, when he walked past shirtless...

he asked once if I thought of having a roommate...at the time I was porcupine-y and apt to throw quills at anyone who got too close...

he dropped HIS jaw,he remembers, when I said...
the only roommate I'll ever have...
will be tall, dark handsome AND IN MY BED.

Years later...Hah! There he was, or I was...and the deeper connectivity became...