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Old 08-08-2011, 02:23 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default Interfaith couples and tangles

So yeah. I'm born-again Christian.

Phew. So now I've said. Neither one of my partners share my convictions. Needless to say, there is some confusion at times. My female partner and I had a long talk about how she feels there's this huge thing she doesn't get at all that has a huge effect on my life, one that she will always be a little wary of.

I can't lie to her, and don't want to. My faith is the most important thing in my life. Close relationships come second, but I can't pretend that if she suddenly got militant atheism and made me choose between my faith and her, as much as it would hurt me, I would choose my beliefs.

Her beef with my spirituality is mostly that she can't begin to fathom how it affects my daily life in concrete ways. I think she's scared that one day I wake up and decide that since the Bible doesn't say anything about cars, we won't be driving one, or that God decides one day to talk to me and forbid me from eating carrots or some such.

She's explained that since to her, religion has always been about anxiety and guilt and rules and punishments and restrictions and narrow-mindedness, she can't really imagine what it might mean to be partnered to someone who's gotten religion big time. I know of one other born-again gay poly person, and I think I'll have to strike up conversation on whether their partner gets them.

She was worried that one day I might get a really strong religious calling and decide to go on a mission to a really really far away place. I tried to explain that to my mind, it would not be very different to her falling in love with someone who lives in another country and wanting to move in with them. And just like it's possible to give up the either-or mindset when it comes to poly and start looking into opportunities of living in two countries or moving to a third country of choice or establishing a long-term LDR either way, also a mission calling can actually be lived through in many different ways in your home town, too.

I just feel that poly and religious life have in common the attitude of accepting that there are no guarantees. Although most people intellectually know nothing in life is permanent and certain and immutable, most like to pretend that at least some parts of their life should be that way, if they only try hard enough.

Are there any other folks here who are religious (of any persuasion) but whose partner(s) are not?
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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