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Old 08-08-2011, 02:27 AM
Hardison Hardison is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 26

Originally Posted by RunawayJim View Post
I would have the conversation with your wife if you're really feeling this way. Being completely honest and open is life changing. I had it all bottled up inside before my wife brought it up. You never know. If you've never had a good long discussion about it, it will be good to do.
Believe me that discussion is coming. I'm not THAT hesitant to bring it up.
When I say re-opening the discussion, I do mean that. It's something we've discussed, but the discussion has been "on hold" I guess for a while, but it does have to be brought up again. I may be concerned about how best to approach it, but the one thing I am certain of is it is best done in person and the sooner the better. I hope that she is the one to broach the topic first, but I will not wait too long before I bring it up myself.

i think that I've identified the main emotion in that overwhelming wave i mentioned in an earlier post as anxiety. I think what it is that is driving this is I know I am going to be with my wife for a very long time (I hope for the rest of our lives) but I also know that that is most likely going to mean moving around from place to place for a while. This job she is in now will only last probably a few more months, a year more at most, but the next step in her career will likely take her and I both to a new place, possibly a new country for 3-4 years, or more.

I think that part of this anxiety has to do with having finally established some long-term, close friendships, and knowing that I am likely going to be separated from these people, whom I consider to be my chosen family, in order to continue with my adventure with my wife. She being the closest of them all.

It hits especially hard with Brigit as I feel particularly close to her and only wish for more closeness.
Male, married, new here, not quite poly. (but poly curious)
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:05 AM
sagency's Avatar
sagency sagency is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: U.S. Pacific Northwest
Posts: 133

You will need to have that talk with your wife. Soon is good, but if she's been away for a while, let her tt home and reestablish your connection as a couple before you have that talk. Walking through the door and having a day or two together might not be enough for her to feel reconnected, so don't get ahead of yourself.

Once you have the conversation, if you are free to pursue Brigit, you have some obligation to make sure that while she understands your feelings, she should also understand your limits. The idea that you might move away in a few months to a year is important information. Brigit may be happy with whatever time you have, or she may not want to get involved for something that she might see as transitory. Part of respecting her is giving her all the data to make the decision.
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