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  #11  
Old 10-22-2009, 05:02 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Hey Ygirl..your comment disapeared
Ya, because I was attempting some sarcasm which ended up not jiving with the original comment, so I gave up on editing and just deleted it instead.
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  #12  
Old 10-22-2009, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
They are banning the use of Cell phones in cars here in British Columbia. Experienced drivers will be allowed a hands free device usage and anyone caught texting/emailing gets even more serious penalties....this will kill some people when not that long ago we didn't even have these things
Birthdays coming up Mono! Thank goodness, I need some help on this one! What am I going to do while sitting in traffic?? Ahhhh!

Great comments so far! Food for thought for sure!
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  #13  
Old 10-22-2009, 07:29 PM
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Birthdays coming up Mono! Thank goodness, I need some help on this one!
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  #14  
Old 10-22-2009, 09:15 PM
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I have to agree with ramfish. Alot depends on how you date. I also only dated one guy at a time. I only once went out with two different guys at the "same" time but they were just "a date" and not "dating". I think that that can be a big difference to some people. It's all in how you or they define things.

I also think that because this is still a mainly mono-culture, claiming poly allows youth to date more or gives them a reason why it is okay to date more than one person. If they are doing it openly as an "adult" poly relationship should be than why can't they call themselves poly as well?
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  #15  
Old 10-23-2009, 03:52 AM
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I'm 24 and among my peer group, no one ever casually dated. You were either single or you were in a committed monogamous relationship. Maybe it was because we were all so poor in college, but no one dated. Almost everyone's relationships started when they decided to make-out one night and then the next morning they were in a couple that was exclusive. There was no playing the field, seeming more than one person or dating. Anyone I knew that was outside this mold considered themselves to be polyamorous.

We occasionally talk about how no one dates. The usual reasons we come up with are a lack of money and a culture obsessed with finding your one and only.
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  #16  
Old 10-23-2009, 07:30 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Different strokes for different folks, different cultures, upbringing, maturity, etc... I've been a "serial monogamist" since I was 17. I can honestly look back at my mindset and different experiences and say - "wow - if only I'd grasped the concept of poly way back in my early 20's, things would've been much easier". I don't think there's any problem with younger people identifying as poly, as long as it's not just an excuse to fuck around.

In a similar vein to the first sentence there - I know people in their mid 30's with several children who are less qualified to be in a relationship than most 19 year olds. I also know my little brother met his GF when they were both 15, she was his first gf and he her 3nd ever bf, and they've been very happily married for 10 years now, just turned 30.

So it's going to vary by person.

In the U.S., our culture is hard to comprehend even if you're here; everything sexualized and sensationalized - but so much is so conservative and so much lip service paid to values and morals. The two can co-exist - I am all for morals and values and want to see more of it! - but it's like America has it backwards. We liberalize the wrong shit and stick in the mud on the stuff we should be moving past. As a result, teens are raised in a culture where everytig is about sex, unless you're very conservatively raised dating more than a few times is synonomous with having sex, so by extension if you're dating around, you're sleeping around - which isn't cool by some bass akwards social ideology still pervasive here. You are expected to settle down with a bf or gf very young now. If you don't, either something is wrong or you're a slut. :shrug:
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  #17  
Old 10-23-2009, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
You are expected to settle down with a bf or gf very young now. If you don't, either something is wrong or you're a slut. :shrug:
Slightly off topic, but it is relevant to current twenty-somethings' viewpoints, I think...

This reminds me of a conversation I had yesterday with a younger girl in one of my classes who was surprised that I got married at 23 ... she thought that was really young for someone to get married. It was just a little weird to me, I guess, because it seems to me that when people find someone in college and then graduate, they'll get married. It just didn't seem that unusual at the time...but I guess that was just my own perspective.

However my husband and I were living together for three years before we got married, and most of that time, we were living with a male roommate. I never felt like a slut ^_~ The only time I had to defend myself was to my grandparents when my grandma commented that if we were living together, what surprises would be left after we got married? ...why would I want to have surprises after we got married? Wouldn't I want to know what it was like to live with this person? =P
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  #18  
Old 10-24-2009, 04:39 AM
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Ill be 26 in a couple of month :P lol

Anyway, I guess for me: ive been with my now husband since I was 17, and we always had a very open and communicative relationship. We were in a serious realtionship from the get go, but thats how i work anyway. I dont do anything by halves!

So, a couple of years ago, a year into our marriage, he starts to discuss the idea of an open marriage, I was keen as I felt the same way, but we realised that we didnt want meaningless sexual experiences. We wanted the opportunity to fall in love with and love other people. We didnt know what it was called, only thats how we felt so we lived it. Then we discovered the word for it :P

I have never wanted to sleep around, i have never wanted to be 'free' so to speak. I had a fairly traumatic youth so security, love, stability? they were what i wanted and sought and i found it in my teens I consider myself very lucky to have the love of my life and the ability to love more then one too...

I guess 23 is young to get married but we had our reasons. to make a long story short: I wanted to be married before we started a family, i also wanted my family finished before 30 due to health and a familial history of downs syndrome and neural tube defects with age.. He agreed, so we married, and started TTC. Turns out im infertile anyway.. eh, these things happen...
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Last edited by Nzlovergirl; 10-24-2009 at 04:43 AM.
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  #19  
Old 10-26-2009, 02:30 PM
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I concur with many of the ideas raised. Greenthal makes an excellent point: youth is a time of experimentation, trying on different personas, styles, philosophies. I had a friend who told me she was poly who is now monogamously married and living in Japan.

I was much like happiestmanalive and ramfish, I would sleep with one girl at a time and generally relationships started via physical interaction which somehow magically made us a couple. I thought of it as a way of not feeling bad for having sex, it was our way of saying "no look, I really am a serious person, I'm not frivolous" which is what having sex with someone attractive just for fun would be considered.

I like that "poly" is used more and more, maybe it's being misused a little, but at least it's getting out there. I want it to get out there by hook or crook and we can debate and clarify definitions later. I think it is a beautiful idea that needs to be shared, like HappiestManAlive I wouldn't have minded coming to it sooner!
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