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Old 08-02-2011, 01:59 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hey, just wanted to say, as someone who's been involved with an m/f couple for the last two years (only dating one of the two, but close to them both) -- insecurity is very, very natural. There have been times when I've actually been jealous of them for spending their anniversary alone together (!)... what sense does that make?!? Well, it doesn't make any sense, but that's the thing about insecurity and jealousy, they're based on fear and not necessarily reality.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time it's been awesome. But I definitely have struggled with worries, big and small, all along the way, related to being the new person, the third person, the less serious person, etc etc. I think it's just a position that's naturally set up to make you doubt yourself or feel out of place at times. If you can be strong enough to analyze your thoughts and feelings, to figure out what's grounded in reality and what's not, if you can handle some uncomfortable feelings without freaking out, it gets easier with time. And it can be totally totally worth it with the right people!

Best of luck!!!
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:38 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

One of the weirdest thing about being a 'secondary' I've only lately realized that it doesn't really ease insecurity all that much even if you are somebody else's primary. It may and does increase your general happiness with your (love)life, but again, each relationship is unique.

I used to think and advice people who we're having second thoughts about being somebody's secondary that getting a primary of your own would help. But ultimately, you want validation from a specific person, not validation in general as to your general desirablity/dateablity. It doesn't help all that much if all the world thinks you're really hot stuff - you always want that specific person to think so, too .
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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