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  #11  
Old 07-28-2011, 12:33 AM
PipersGirl PipersGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think this is something that needs to be brought up with all four of you present. It's not good that these things are said privately among two of you and then shared privately with another of you, which promotes each of you thinking forming opinions about the others and building defenses. Divisiveness could be avoided if you all come clean together.
I agree. This past week was... different and difficult. D was truly at a loss and I was trying to help him and see that he shouldn't end the relationship with Ka without at least talking with her. And trying to do damage control with her, so she wouldn't feel so terrible and keep pushing him, when he clearly wasn't listening. so, yes, things were said between 2 of us and then shared with another. That isn't the norm, but was somewhat necessary during this crisis... We are planning to have a family meeting soon. Schedules are very hectic right now and we all want to feel comfortable and un-rushed so we'll have time to truly listen to each other.
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  #12  
Old 07-28-2011, 12:47 AM
PipersGirl PipersGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I agree that soul searching for all parties is a good idea. Especially her. It is new it seems and I suspect that three loves is a bit too many for him if you are expecting some decent time. I have four loves and the time is divided in such a way that two I see once a month for dates, socially maybe a bit more for one. It's all time management and not a competition. If its not enough for her or any of you then I would suggest filling that time with another partner or something else. Or moving on to somethinmg more on the monogamous side. Poly is great for some people, but time has always been an issue. Loving more has nothing to do with it. If that is her expectation she is shit out of luck... I would wonder what's behind that actually.
I've done so much soul searching over the past year or so that I've explored about every deep, dark nook and cranny that exists! And I can still learn more about myself... And I agree that Ka does need to do some soul searching. I'm trying to gently nudge her, but there are reasons it will be tough for her and in turn for all of us. We did have a nice long talk today and I think we're on the right path. And for that matter, Ki and D could use some soul searching too.

And no, he really doesn't have adequate time for 3 loves, so we all make adjustments and sacrifices. We all know that we can leave at any time. The only bond holding us together is love. And it's a damn strong bond! Kept me around through some very dark times of my own... I had to learn that more time doesn't equal more love and less time doesn't equal less love. That was hard for me to internalize and believe, not just logically, but emotionally and I'm sure Ka is having that problem now. I think there are numerous issues driving that need for her. And ultimately, she has to do the heavy lifting to resolve them. All of us can support her and help her carry the load, but we can't do it for her.
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  #13  
Old 07-28-2011, 06:28 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I had to learn that more time doesn't equal more love and less time doesn't equal less love. That was hard for me to internalize and believe, not just logically, but emotionally
this is so true! Good for you for working on understanding that and being able to live it because you love him!
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  #14  
Old 07-29-2011, 07:19 PM
PipersGirl PipersGirl is offline
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this is so true! Good for you for working on understanding that and being able to live it because you love him!
It's a work in progress... some days it's easy, some days not so much! But I am realizing that most of the time when I'm feeling badly, it's nothing that he's done or not done, it's just those fears and insecurities acting out. So, I find ways to distract myself until I can "talk myself down".
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