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  #31  
Old 07-26-2011, 07:29 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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(((((( hugs )))))
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  #32  
Old 07-26-2011, 07:32 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
i know this sounds stupid but I didn't talk to him before because i kept hoping I could deal with it on my own and I wouldn't have to bother anyone with how I was feeling. .
I get this MORE than I can explain. And it doesn't sound stupid.

Take care of youse...
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  #33  
Old 07-26-2011, 07:44 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovinhimloviner View Post
i know this sounds stupid but I didn't talk to him before because i kept hoping I could deal with it on my own and I wouldn't have to bother anyone with how I was feeling.
Very Bad!! We MUST speak with our partners (no matter what kind of relationship we have) about how we are feeling. The land of guessing and assumptions is a very quick way to destroying everything that was good in your relationship. If they aren't hearing us, maybe we need to find new words. For years I thought I was communicating very clearly certain things to my husband, but all he heard was complaining and in turn just tuned me out. I changed my whole approach and everything changed and he heard me.

Start with the positive... "I feel loved when you ... Lately, I have felt that this is missing (or not happening as much) and I really need this from you to not feel pushed aside or neglected." This is about what make you feel good and what you need and feel, not about what he is doing wrong.

Texting on highly emotional topics can also be a recipe for disaster.
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  #34  
Old 07-26-2011, 07:46 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sneacail View Post
very bad!! We must speak with our partners (no matter what kind of relationship we have) about how we are feeling. The land of guessing and assumptions is a very quick way to destroying everything that was good in your relationship. If they aren't hearing us, maybe we need to find new words. For years i thought i was communicating very clearly certain things to my husband, but all he heard was complaining and in turn just tuned me out. I changed my whole approach and everything changed and he heard me.

Start with the positive... "i feel loved when you ... Lately, i have felt that this is missing (or not happening as much) and i really need this from you to not feel pushed aside or neglected." this is about what make you feel good and what you need and feel, not about what he is doing wrong.

Texting on highly emotional topics can also be a recipe for disaster.
^^^This!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #35  
Old 07-26-2011, 08:06 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Texting on highly emotional topics can also be a recipe for disaster.
Eeegads yes. Been there, done that!
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  #36  
Old 07-27-2011, 12:54 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Just thought I'd let you know that it is highly unlikely that anyone will recognize anyone here unless they use real names and have the place they live on their profile. There are how many people that read here? and have posted here? Most of the stories are the same or very similar. Its a forum for the whole world.... that means it covers a large area, even if you are in your own small world where you are.

Note to those reading, check the forum guidelines before reading. Its a REALLY good idea. If you think you might freak out and become fearful, either face that or don't make yourself so evident.

Deleting your account will not make you disappear. Your posts will still be here. Just stop writing when you are done... then you can come back five years from now or whenever and write again if its a time of need or a time when you can support others.

Good luck
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  #37  
Old 07-27-2011, 02:05 PM
lovinhimloviner lovinhimloviner is offline
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M and I had a good face to face talk last night. She really is a great person. I think we worked through what needed worked through but we will always have things pop up that will need to be taken care of. I will still continue to post because I have no one else to talk to. M said she would just stop coming here but I hope she keeps coming as I truly think it would be good for her. All of this still freaks her out some. She is still getting used to the whole idea of "poly". I know everything will be fine. I have faith in her even if she doesn't have much faith in her self. I feel a lot of M's issues right now are that everyone is talking about her in her life. Then she got on here and saw people talking about her and what she should do and just kinda lost it. H and i have talked to since that was where my problems was. He is working on some things as well. Neither one of them had anything that they felt I should work on but i don't know if they just don't want to upset me or if they really don't have any issues with me right now. Thank you all for being here for me during my meltdown. Sorry I brought it here but I had no where else to go.
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