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Old 07-27-2011, 02:28 AM
1stTime4Everything 1stTime4Everything is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 9
Default We're on the same page but different books....

Well i joined this forum earlier today because lately i have been feeling as tho id like to explore some sort of poly lifestyle...i even wrote in my intro thread that my husband is very supportive, and for the most part he has been....i feel as though im writing this now out of frustration and anger at something i found out he did yet again, but let me take a step back and try to fill you in on our story....i will try not to make it too long...

I have been bi curious for a really long time but suppressed those feelings...it was not until i started hanging with my now husband and one of my close best friends that i started acting upon the curiousity....and it actually was no different than how i normally acted when we all hung out, it was just that i was more aware...i realized i had feelings beyond friendship for this close friend - that i was attracted to her....my now husband n i had talks about my feelings, fantasies of threesomes with her n us, yet my head got in the way...i was still struggling with the thought of my husband being there, being intimate with my close friend as well and i couldnt help but feel insecure about it....i also didnt think my friend felt the same way towards me and i did not want to jeopordize my friendship with her....long story short, there ended up being a night out drinking where our fantasy started to come true....it was fast n blurry but ended shortly with my friend cryung because she couldnt do it....all 3 of us has since then moved past that night, and our friendship is closer than ever ...

Now onto me and my husband - he has been supportive and understanding when im open with him about my bicuriousity....but i fear he doesnt understand my struggle with it....i feel as though he only sees the sexual benefit of me wanting to have a threesome....since the subject came to the table, i have tried to explain to him my reasoning for not wanting the third person to be a personal friend of mine....and the incident with my friend proved my point.....it doesnt help my case however that said friend has lately shown interest in me in return....nothing that would make me believe she would want to act on it, but just that small fact makes my husband think, "well, you say not ur friends but then when ur drunk you act differently"....n maybe he is right, he does have a point, n maybe im being unfair....but it isnt he who is going thru this....its me, n i have a flurry of emotions n desires that im still trying to sort thru n figure out....

But back to me and my husband and my friends....he will text them making plans with them....and ivam the last to know....there was a night where he did this, we had plans already but he decides to go have drinks without me, and invited other of my close friends plus his best friend....and he talked to her about having a threesome...said stuff along the lines of being liquored up etc....when this night happened i felt hurt that he ditched me n left me out of his plans, that he lacked communication with me, his wife...but now, i am hurt and frustrated and angry all over again....with this particular friend, i have expressed over n over again that i do not want her in that way....yet because she has joked bout being ibvolved with him or us, he must think oh we'll just go for drinks n theyll get loose n itll go down? I just hate knowing where his intentions are cuz they r my close friends...and when we talk, he seems genuinely understanding n supportive n i feel like we reach an understandin...but then its like he only focuses on the girl on girl action n looses all respect for what we talked about....

Back to my friend i am attracted to....and maybe ill sound like a hypocrit here....but as i said i do have feelings for her....i have had dreams where we r in a serious relationship with each other but still married to my husband....thoughts of us three living together n being content....i had no idea it was termed triad relationship or polyamory until i found this forum after some research...but i cannot even fathom trying to make this a reality as it wouldnt b fair to my husband if i keep sayin not my friends not my friends n then pursue a driend....

So i have started to ease him into the idea of searching for a girl to build a friendship with together....so that it is a mutual friend n not someone i feel protective over....so that i wont feel jealousy or insecurity because we built a friendship with her together....but im at a lost on how to handle it all as he seems to take initiatives n i fear it is only becuz he wants the threesome before anything else....

What do i do? How do we approach this as a couple? How do i make him understsnd where im coming from? Any advice on any of this would be great...

Thank you in advance.
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