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  #1061  
Old 07-22-2011, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Wrap it in a cover ... call it "The Natural Monogamist" and leave it where Mono can find it.

Shhh! He'll never know!

ETA: No wait! "Motorcycles and Me"
It's actually on my dining room table....I feel like a priest walking around Satan's bible scratching his chin and thinking "Do I look...or don't I".

Honestly there is only one reason reason I would read this book and it is not for the sake of possibly expanding my mind. Therefore, it's better I refrain.
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  #1062  
Old 07-22-2011, 04:06 PM
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Ha! TP that's funny. I thought in the spirit of radical honesty I had better fess up right away

Its gone Mono, I gave it to my co-worker.
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  #1063  
Old 07-22-2011, 06:33 PM
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Ah, you guys are fun.
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  #1064  
Old 07-22-2011, 08:50 PM
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I'm feeling kinda sad lately. I think it partially due to many things, but included in that is my up coming date with Leo. Its still a roller coaster of emotions around choicing to be keep control of how much depth I create with him so as to not be indulgent in my need to show physical attention toward him, around his request to only meet once a month and mine of needing more, around his swinging in terms of his expression of caring and love for others that I am not part of; even if its sport for him and not love. *breath* This list of confusion and sadness continues.

He is good, Mono is good, Leo's wife is good as she doesn't have to deal with his physically loving and other, everyone is good with this situation but me. If I were to approach changing it to be better for me it would mean discomfort for everyone else. Again with the giving giving giving and not feeling I receive in return except that it all makes everyone else happy. *sigh*

Its okay, its a monthly thing. At least I don't have to deal with this on an on going basis as he only wants to see me once a month.

I got a lovely letter from Derby this week which made me smile. I don't think I have ever received a hand written, "you're awesome" letter before. Plenty of hate mail and even one that resulted in the person taking me to court. I soaked in what she wrote. There were bits and pieces in there about not enough time etc. But I don't let any of that take hold. I am not missing out. I think she is more than me. Perhaps another partner who is more available? There was other stuff too, but the big thing were the words of affirmation that I need so much. I thrive on that and don't often get it. I feel loved that way. Its definitely my love language.

Words of affirmation... Hmmmm... I hadn't really realized how important it is to me to be acknowedge for what I do and for who I am. Its really big for me and how does one ask for that? Why do I feel that others have a scarcity view o this with me? Why do I not receive words of affirmation and gratitude and appreciation for who I am more often? What can I do create abundance in this area of my life? I think I will think on that some.

I know it causes distress for me when I am ignored and am not incluided. Is that related some how? I have developed some great skills in dealing with that in terms of pulling back and going in a different direction compared to in the past where I would whine and complain about it. I wonder if words of affirmation are part of that? Just questioning my "self."
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  #1065  
Old 07-23-2011, 12:38 AM
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I have an observation RP.....
Do you think that the loves in your life that you have a more "intense" level of love for are the ones that give you the "words of affirmation"?
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  #1066  
Old 07-23-2011, 12:40 AM
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You are GREAT, by the way
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  #1067  
Old 07-23-2011, 05:28 AM
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I'm glad you liked the letter.
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  #1068  
Old 07-24-2011, 12:37 AM
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RP, sit them down and talk to them. Tell them that this is what makes YOU feel good. I bet you'd be surprised at how quickly you'll start hearing the words of appreciation . I know I've seen some on here from both Derby and Mono.
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  #1069  
Old 07-25-2011, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Words of affirmation... Hmmmm... I hadn't really realized how important it is to me to be acknowedge for what I do and for who I am.
You're not alone in this. It is a HUGE need for me. I can honestly say that 90% of the damage from my previous relationship comes from a combination of lack of acknowledgement and.... how do I put it.... the opposite of being acknowledged? Being told that everything I did was bad/harmful/self centered? Is there even a word for that..... whatever, off topic.

Point being, some people need this a LOT more than others do. It took me forever to realize that it was something I needed, and I think (at least for me, not saying this neccessarily applies to you) that it has to do with a damaged sense/ability to percieve self worth. In other words, for me, It's one part knowing that the person appreciated me doing X, and one part knowing that I don't suck because I am doing X

Figure out why you need it, and expressing that need should become easier.
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  #1070  
Old 07-26-2011, 10:57 PM
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I asked my client today what she did to help out around the program I work in. Her goal is to offer to help out with things like putting the dishes in the dish washer, carrying the bag we take on outings, pushing the shopping cart, that sort of thing... this is what I was expecting her to say she had done. With a big grin on her face she said that she had given various people a hug. This is why people with cognitive disabilities have so much to teach us "normal" people. *tear* I gave her a hug and thanked her for being awesome.

If people with cognitive and developmental disabilities can take on the job of caring for others including their caregivers... imagine what other lessons we can learn from them! To me that is more advanced than most people I know.

In regards to words of affirmation....

I think for me I just need to be appreciated. Not in a big way, just daily with words of thanks, love and acknowledgement of what I do for others... I am pretty good with the self love, self worth and self esteem stuff... ya, just a quiet, "thank you" would suffice. I do get that, just not from those that take the most. Ain't that just how it is?

Had a date with Leo last night. It has left me feeling loved and appreciated and cherished.... I'm grateful for that being created in me because of him This is what makes it worth fighting for.
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-26-2011 at 11:05 PM.
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