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Old 06-15-2011, 11:14 PM
pjwonders pjwonders is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northwest
Posts: 1
Default Opening up for first time - at 50 y/o

My husband (K) and I have been married for 10 years. We were both married previously for 15 years. My ex-husband (B) cheated with multiple women, and had an affair with one woman for 11 of the 15 years we were married. I cheated on him out of revenge but also closed my eyes to his infidelity due to my self-image issues. (K) had an affair while he was married to his first wife - and I knew about the woman prior to our marraige.
I had been pretty wild in college - having multiple partners, and while I didn't know it at that time, I guess I was "poly" way back then - I had one steady partner who was married to my sister's best friend, and several other partners that he was aware of, but okay with (ironically it was silently understood between us that I had other relationships openly to cover up our clandistine relationship) However, even though I was wild in college, once I married my first husband, I was committed to him - even up to a couple of months prior to our divorce.

During the 5 years I was single between my marraiges, I dated several men and had a committed relationship with one man for almost 2 years. He and I explored alot of things - but although we talked about threesomes, we never acted on it.
Fast forward to my current marraige to (K). I became aware prior to our wedding that (K) had been participating in swinging. He tried introducing me to a couple that he had played with, and it went over my head for several months that they were basically wanting to initiate me into the lifestyle. When it dawned on me what was going on - I explained to (K) that I was not interested in participating and I would not be agreeable to him continuing to play either. *Caveat here - that conversation was held prior to our marraige - and he never brought it up again*

Over the course of the first couple of years of our marraige (K) was transitioning from a military career to civilian life - went to school, started working and found himself unemployed for a period of time - Also during that time, my daughter became pregnant and I had major back surgery. So, there was "alot" going on - sex with (K) became non-exsistant - literally. I knew he was searching porn online, but he would deny having any other contact with people from his past life. I tried so many times to "initiate" sex with him - it actually became somewhat of a joke. He claimed that he didn't want to hurt me after my back surgery - so he was afraid to touch me.

Well, as you can guess - he got careless and I found evidence that he was continuing to swing. I confronted him in February and gave him the option to come clean, go to counselling with me and to try to fix our marraige - or we would become even more "platonic" - I had NO intention of divorcing him and going backward in station at this point in my life. I have to state - I DO LOVE him - I DO like him - and I DO enjoy being around him.

Last summer (K) and I built our forever home together. We met a wonderful man (M) when we toured the model home - who later became our realtor and now mutual friend. During the time that I discovered the evidence of (K) swinging again - I confided in (M) - he revealed to me that he was interested in me as a person/potential lover.

During our counselling session (K & Mine) - our therapist had us work individually on our emotions - I revealed to her that I had a male friend (M) whom I confided in about my situation with (K) - she chastized me and said I should not involve another man in the equation. However, my feelings for (M) were already too deep as "friends". I was flattered that he desired me - and after 8 1/2 years of celebacy basically - it felt to good to have someone flirt with me.
I finally decided that I had to tell (K) how I felt and asked him to consider open marraige - Now, he has given me his blessing to pursue this open forum with (M).
I'm confused - totally - on one hand I want to jump (M) right now - on the other hand I'm so scared that (K) is only telling me to go ahead so he can have his lifestyle. I have told him honestly that I do not know if I want to "swing" or not - and don't know if I would feel comfortable being with (M) in front of him -
(M) wants to come see me on Friday morning - to see how things go -
????? what do I do ?????
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Old 06-21-2011, 09:07 PM
curley5363 curley5363 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: DeFuniak Springs, FL
Posts: 4
Lightbulb About Me/Us in Florida Panhandle

To start with I am the wife of a couple, we have been married 9 1/2 years together for 12. When he (McGuyver) asks I'll help him get signed up here.

Since we have been together we have always had an open relationship bringing close friends into our little bubble for intimacy. I fully knowing that he was capable of loving more than one person intimately since the beginning though there were never any instances without me being involved intimately since we became lovers.

Until recently I never thought about becoming more than just the two of us on a permanent basis. While my preference is to add another woman for the both of us to love, it seems that it doesn't matter to my husband whether we grow our family with a male or female, as he would enjoy me to have another love as seeing me happy makes him happy. However, I am not sure that I want to add another husband but am open to it and if it happens it happens. (Wasn't looking for the hubby I have and here we are 10 years later but wouldn't trade him for the world.)

We have recently come to the end of a relationship with someone and the hubby is taking it harder than I, but then again I don't share feelings or get close to people as quickly as he can. We both know that time will heal the open woulds but that's it, it will take time. I guess I saw her pulling away from both of us a lot more quickly than he did so I guess I was more prepared for the break-up than he was.

While this hurts now there were some very good things that came out of this relationship. My hubby use to work 7 days a week never taking the day off "L" helped make this change as hubby began to take time off from our every day grind when "L" had her days off so that we could go do things together. Even his younger daughters noticed a difference in both of us that we were happier and even gave me (their step-mother) compliments!!

I look forward to meeting new friends and wait patiently for our next relationship. I can only imagine living with both my soulmates.
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Old 06-26-2011, 04:11 PM
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LowKey LowKey is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 1

Lots of information: Here's the short and sweet. We are a nonmonogamous couple that's generally reluctant to join groups or attach labels to ourselves. We've both been in various swinging or poly type of relationships before we met up.

We've been together 3 years and have had relationships with couples and single females. She's bi, he's straight but tolerant enough of bi-men that it doesn't throw him off, he's just not participating.

Somewhere between swinging and poly is where we are. We generally don't go for the "all time high score of sex partners" but we also don't believe that to have sex with someone involves watching their kids or pets the next weekend. No, we're not paying your bills either. We don't need to grow our armpit hair out, bang on a drum in the moonlight, or wear birkenstocks and a Bob Marley T-shirt. While we're at it we're free of disease, children, religion and other drugs as well.

We're on an adventure together - and that's the key thing to understand here, "together." We are together or it's not happening. Don't ask to date him or her separately and you won't be disappointed. If that doesn't work for you, doesn't fit your idea of how we should live, that's totally ok - we didn't ask. We are 100% honest and transparent with each other at all times and reviewed this together before posting it.

It's unfortunate that an introduction needs to start with such negative signage out front. It's kind of like the "thank you for not smoking" sign you see in front of a restaraunt (or used to, I'm showing my age here). It's not that it's not a great restaraunt, that the food isn't terrific and the service outstanding, it's that if we're ALL going to enjoy this we need some common courtesy to be observed.

So, if you like riding motorcycles (fast) or like riding horses (fast) or like working out (hard) or like music (everything except country and classic rock, seriously - no "Lynrd Skynrd" is allowed) or good food (and we are up for pretty much every form of food that isn't a chain store) then odds are we have something to talk about.

He's a lunatic, pretty unapologetic about it. She's the sane one. We're friendly, outgoing, very passionate about life, always happy to meet like minded individualists.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time . .
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:39 PM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,164

Update (June 29, 2011):

Originally Posted by River View Post
Click on the > for original post..
Several weeks ago began a most amazing exchange of emails between myself and an extraordinary, beautiful, but geographically distant woman. We "met" here in this forum. To our mutual delight, we discovered that we share almost everything in common with one another. Our compatibility and resonance with one another is simply off the charts.

At this point it is clear that we love one another. It brings us great joy to know that we are here for one another. And there are mutual "romantic" feelings, too. Still, we haven't spent face-to-face time yet, and -- realistically -- it's too soon to say what sort of loving relationship will develop. What we do know is that it will be loving. We're already great, loving, friends. And I look forward to hugs and kisses down the road, as it seems she does as well. Still, I hold this beautiful thing lightly and with joyous ease. We have plans to see one another in September.
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog

Last edited by River; 06-29-2011 at 01:06 PM.
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:35 PM
SunshineAngel SunshineAngel is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 8
Smile A little about SunshineAngel

I have not made my way through this entire site as of yet, but working on it. For now, here is a small tidbit of information about us.

I have been married to my husband for 20 years now (celebrated our 20th this past January), together for 25 (high school sweethearts). We have two teenage boys, who I'm sure realized long ago, that we aren't your typical "mom & dad" I'm sure those that know us personally will figure out who this is from that statement alone - and to them I ask the same respect now as I've always given you ty

We have been hobby swingers for about 10 years now. DH has a sex drive that I just couldn't keep up with in the beginning, so a gf he was told to find For us, we prefer relationships rather then a 'wham-bam-thank you ma'am' type of approach. Everyone has their way of doing things...this is ours.

I have been interested in a poly (triad more so) relationship for at least half our hobby years, and we have made a couple attempts. Some of which have ended very badly, others not so bad. We are currently in another triad relationship and it too has it's own set of complications (another post to be made in another area), but we feel we have learnt a lot from our other experiences...

more to follow as I think of it...thanks for reading about me
Me (Angel): almost 40 yr old bi female - married to S: 44 yr old straight male & Sunshine: 40 yr old bi female who is our shared gf
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:35 AM
PipersGirl PipersGirl is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 33

Been reading through the forum for a while now and regularly reading and semi-regularly posting on other poly/mono groups. Decided it was time to introduce myself.

I'm a straight mono female involved with a straight poly male, D. He has two other straight mono female partners, Ki and Ka.

D is 50, Ki is 52, Ka is 51 and I'm 44. I've been with him 3 years; Ka about 3 1/2 years; he and Ki dated for a few months when they were in their early 20s, then were apart for a number of years and started seeing each other on and off about 12 years ago. During the time apart, both married and divorced. Ka is divorced also and I've never been married. None of us live with D nor have children with him. Ka moved in with Ki in January after her rent increased dramatically. D lives with his brother and I live alone.

We are all committed to the relationship and see it as long-term. D is not looking for and does not want any more relationships. Three is his magic number. The three of us are not looking for other relationships.

My relationship with D has evolved during the time we've been together, as have his relationships with Ka and Ki, along with the relationships between us girls and all four of us - am working on a much more in-depth post covering this along with the biggest on-going issues we face as we build a family together.

And that's it in a nutshell. Hope to get the longer post up in the next couple of days.

Thanks for reading.
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Old 07-11-2011, 04:30 AM
AnthonyandLlanya AnthonyandLlanya is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 7
Default Summary of AnthonyandLlanya

Hello! We're Anthony and Llanya.

We've been dating for three point five years and have a very happy relationship. To put it in simple, not mushy gushy terms, we love each other.

We met in high school, freshmen year and have been dating ever since. It's not long for out of school, which we are for now, but it's really long for a high school relationship.

But, we want someone else to share this love with. Preferably female, close to our age. Which is 18 at the moment.

Anyways she is an artist and loves to draw, he is a technology nerd and loves it, we both love writing, role playing online (play by post) and even playing video games every once and a while. We would love to travel here and there from time to time.

Well, that's us... Mostly.
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Old 07-22-2011, 04:46 AM
GreatCouple GreatCouple is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 1
Default Keith and Lise

We have an amazing relationship which supports each others desires. Its rare to find a match where each other totall has the others back. As part of our life we make sure each other over achives in our wants and desires.

My husband has an amazing sex drive and which I support and enjoy. In the past we have had another join, yet, we don't bar hope, hit on co-workers or friends. Our back ground is in M/s and light BDSM, not swinging.

Ideally I'd like him to have a girl friend that fits into our life. We are rather busy and spend lots of time with our horses. Not looking for one night anything, but rather a long term situation where we enjoy each others company. That brings us looking into the idea of a poly arrangement allowing another woman openly into our relationship.

B.T.W we are in Portland, Oregon assuming anyone might be in our area.

Thanks for reading
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Old 07-27-2011, 12:58 AM
righthandwife righthandwife is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4
Default an introduction

hi, i just joined the forum today although i have read various topics in it beginning in 2008 when my poly relationship started.

currently, i am involved with a married man. we began our involvement in 2008 though we have known each other for over a decade. we have always been good friends and our friendship is the basis of our relationship. we have been through HILLS AND VALLEYS i tell you! the main issue being his wife. he grew up in a polygynous household and told his wife as much. he also was maintaining a full fledged relationship with one woman when he met the woman he would late marry. due to irreconcilable differences the first partner and he broke up and he married the second. now there's me. when he decided he wanted me to be his other wife, he informed me. i told him to discuss it with his wife. they did. long story short she agreed...and then changed her mind shortly thereafter (4 months). the problem was that he and i had already opened the "love" chamber which was built on more than a decade of friendship and we could not let go. as a result of this there has been a lot of strife in our relationship which is only now evening out. but all along the wife has tried to sabotage my relationship with manipulation and dishonesty. i love my partner and i entered into the relationship with the intention of having a three way partnership wherein we all had two partners. she, having continually violated my trust and hurt my feelings, no longer qualifies and my focus is him...maybe later on down the line she and i can work things out...i don't know.

issues i am trying to work through include: can i ever have legal protection in this relationship and if so, how do i get it? how do i live openly as a person who is sharing a man? how do i "come out" as it were? what strategies do other people use? how can she and i have separate lives/relationships with him and still have it "work?" is there anyone else having this kind of relationship? i worry about future asset division and children and things of that sort and am looking for ways to address these fears as i move forward...

i'm learning a lot from the community and i appreciate the space to discuss issues-it's hard talking to monos and mono-minded folk about this kinda stuff...though i think i'm relatively smart, i'm also inexperienced in this arena and will probably do more asking than informing...in any case, i'm looking forward to the learning...thanks!
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Old 07-28-2011, 10:59 AM
Wadjet Wadjet is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2
Default New here

My husband and I are both bisexual and have an open marriage. I'd been in an open relationship before but it was a disaster- good thing my husband is awesome!

We've each had a few hookups, and while he was out of the country on business for a while I had a relationship with a lovely man. Thing is, I'd love to date a woman next but it's proven difficult for me. On top of that, we've had to be very, very discreet about what we do. I'm hoping for an opportunity later on though!
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