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  #11  
Old 10-20-2009, 04:54 PM
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Default Trouble with numbers

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Three men Jeesh!!! ]
Mono, I was counting you, husband, "tertiary", and son.
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  #12  
Old 10-20-2009, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
Mono, I was counting you, husband, "tertiary", and son.
I thought you might be..but when this journey began there was four...err five including her son

Busy, busy!!
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  #13  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:21 PM
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Default Adding tags!!

Redpepper and I were discussing how this thread would be a good look at aspects of mono/poly relationships as well. We wish someone would be able to figure out how to add tags after a thread has been posted...grrrr

Anyone have any ideas?
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  #14  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Um, look where the tags are, then look over to the right and there is a little thing that says "Edit tags".
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  #15  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Um, look where the tags are, then look over to the right and there is a little thing that says "Edit tags".

I can build these fucking machines and yet I can't figure out how to do this at all..maybe you need original tags to be able to modify them....I surrender.
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  #16  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:47 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Mono, it's right here; you want me to do it for you? Tell me what tags you want added and I'll add them for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------V

UNDER where it says "Edit" and Quote". There's a little blue bar with the word "Tags" on the left side of the screen and the words "Edit Tags" on the right hand side of the screen.

I don't have time to come over there and SHOW you with my finger.

Now see that I added a tag called "Add Edit Tags".

Last edited by NeonKaos; 10-20-2009 at 05:52 PM. Reason: Explaining shit to Mono
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  #17  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Mono, it's right here;

Now see that I added a tag called "Add Edit Tags".
I found it!! Thanks...
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  #18  
Old 10-20-2009, 06:13 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It looks like it will only let me add 2 tags, so I deleted the fake one I just added. Maybe if you started the thread it will let you add as many tags as you want. If you need to add more tags and it won't let you, you can use mine.

It looks like anyone can fuck with anyone else's tags.
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  #19  
Old 10-20-2009, 06:59 PM
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WOW, RP and Mono, I thought you all were lucky in love before, but I've gained a much deeper appreciation for the treasure you have. Thank you for sharing all of that- I'm sure there was much more to it in the real world.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure I understand the question, but if you are asking if we mutually decided or if I act out of others needs then I would have to say a bit of both. I needed containing when Mono came along, I had several things on the go and was battling some stuff that had happened in the last year that I needed to look at. .......
Needless to say I needed containing and when Mono asked for this boundary I was ready to give it. I dropped one of the men as he and my husband pointed out that he was damaging to me... one of those danger people that we all have. It turned out he was right and I am now deeply wounded by how that ended too. The three men I have in my life are committed to me for the long haul and very protective. I feel contained and loved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I feel as if I am loved enough to start taking care of myself and my needs. I can rest on the love in in my life and let it support me.... my problem is not letting it make me feel as if it is conditional love... as it is with my mother and how I was raised.
It seems you've identified some huge factors concerning your motives. I know what you're talking about with the upbringing. I have railed against the confines of traditional relationships and all of the preconceived crap that ends up having to be rummaged through piece by piece and sorted every time.

You mentioned before about people finding the balance- it seems to me that your loved ones are very actively supporting a balance for all of you and what a precious thing! This is the freedom I as talking about. You can be yourself , with all your love and seeking and changing, and you won't be penalized! The freedom in knowing you're supported, even if you're confused or at odds for a minute, and that trust that you won't walk away without a fight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Do you mean that I should not self-sacrifice? No one should really. I am committed to happiness on all sides I think, and I believe we are all happy right now
I believe in selfishness, yes- only way to love someone else. Selfishness in regards to making sure that commitment doesn't turn into obligation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think I will have avoided the real issues if I were to break this commitment. I really have a lot of work to do on myself still. I only just recently could be alone by myself thanks to Mono's help on my stuff... we really do support each other as I know I help him too. I am only just realizing that in being able to be alone I have opened a flood gate to other issues I have... ahhhhh!!! so much to do to get to a place of balance. I'm so fortunate to have such great supporters in that journey!......
I think rather than adding more people I need to start thinking of adding MYSELF on that continuum... something I have not done in a long time! I need to seek a relationship with myself before even THINKING it's possible to add another love in my life! My job now is to not feel as if I am take away the time I spend with my loves because I am pursuing a deeper relationship with myself. If I figure that out that is where my freedom will lie I think...

Oh I hope I am making sense!!!
You're making all kinds of sense. It is so wonderful to witness a little of the symbiosis that you and your family have. I want to say it seems like all the components of balance are there for you, RP, but of course, I'm disembodied observer to the situation as it is for you.

I really like what you said about things coming up when you spend time alone, and that you place enough value on that to allow yourself the time to work through it.

I love to watch people bloom. Thanks.
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  #20  
Old 10-20-2009, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper:
"I think I will have avoided the real issues if I were to break this commitment."

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
There is nothing to avoid, I am black and white in this. This isn't a negative in my eyes, this is complete clarity. I know I will take a little heat for sure from a lot of people in this but in cases of definitive boundaries there should be radical honesty.
I'm not sure you understood that the issues I would be avoiding were MY OWN (being alone, loving myself, spending time with myself more), not "ours." It is black and white, either I chose to avoid the issues "I" have (by seeking others to be in my life as a way to avoid) and break my commitment or face up to what I need to work on.

It's all within me and now that I am aware of it of course I will chose to work on it... what else is there? I love you deeply and in a way that I have never loved before. We are bonded in a way that is rare and beautiful. I know that and respect it as something that is out side of my baggage and issues that need to be dealt with..... it's not in my nature to be lazy about working on my stuff. I will do the work as you will do yours and years from now we will look back and laugh... ahhhhahahahahhhhaaa
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