For the past hour and a half we have been texting back and forth. Pretty much everything said here(what I said plus incites from you awesome peeps) And hes finally talking. Most things talked about did have to do with a poly situation. But lots has been talked about in just our daily lives.So far these are the things that have been ...I wont say resolved but stated...
1. Me being in another relationship is fine. He wants me to but doesnt want me hurt like I was with the last one.
Understandable because he had to watch me go through the
But I also explained sometimes that happens like any relationship.
2. Hes worried about me dating because crazy people out there.Afraid something bad is going to happen to me
Again understandable and we will discuss more on this later. Stating
his fear made me see that we will make sure to set up something
to ease his fears and make sure he knows Im safe.
3. He needs to say how he feels instead of reacting with very hurtful things.
As he stated, I am upfront with my feelings etc he needs to do the
4. His job situation..Now this has been a biggie for awhile and he says as soon as schedule goes back to normal he will actively search for something else.
After 5 years of the stress from this place.. Im glad to hear he is
deciding a change is really in order.
5. We do need to sit down and discuss things more clearly.
This is very valid. In Poly-I was unaware that he didnt remember
boundaries etc. Maybe its time they are written down so not
forgotten. In daily life just us- We need to discuss how day has
been. Instead of letting it fester and blowing up weeks later.
6. He promised he would stop the yo yo effect. That he is still ok with poly. Still wants me to open myself emotionally and physically. That it wasnt fair to do that because he had some insecure moments.
In this he does state he wants to meet the guy. Which is ok
because thats how I want it anyway But at same time Im not
going to jump into any relationship yet. I want to know a person
well before I get involved.
Thats only parts of many but it makes me feel better.. In his words.. Im a stupid stubborn fucking man that doesnt always understand how he feels or how to describe it.
LOL Now I couldnt help but laugh because I said almost those same exact words over the weekend.
During this whole conversation he has said over and over again how sorry he is that he reacted the way he did and no he shouldnt have been going back and forth. Knowing now from his mouth that its fear for me not fear of the outside relationships makes me feel a little better. Its a relief for him to talk. But damn it pisses me off that almost every bit of the crap he took out on me had to do with his job or fear of me being hurt in anyway. Instead of just talking about it. Im starting to see sometimes he needs a kick in the ass! lolol.
Now to see what this discussion leads up to.
Many years ago we went through something similar. But it had to do with we worked opp shifts for 2 years. So never saw each other. When I quit my job we had to relearn to deal with each other. Reconnect etc. Took a really long time to get on the same page. He realized it feels the same as it did then. And since its been brought to light he is determined not to let the same BS happen again. And we have been only seeing each other maybe a hour a day the past few months due to his job. So it does feel like it. Now that he sees it.. Maybe just maybe its nipped before it hit a complete downfall. Thanks for all your input guys. Lets hope that things will be calmer again. I cant stand to feel so out of sorts and confused.
She is C He is S
|boyfriends, new to polyamory|