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  #61  
Old 07-02-2011, 11:09 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Hey SS, I had to reskim this thread because I'd forgotten much of the details.

You say L told you she was on the Pill, so you two started fucking bareback. How soon after you'd met her did you decided this? Was G fine with it? Did she even know?

Did you ever see L's BCPs in her apartment or purse, or see her taking any in the morning? Were both of you tested before having unprotected sex? Did you see her test results?

I also was reminded of the 2 times L was slipped roofies and even coke once. Is it possible she was raped those nights and didn't remember? You also said you 2 broke up and she was seeing some other guy, M. It's possible this baby is his, right?

Also, you mentioned G fucked a guy some time ago, who gave her chlamydia and then passed it to you... So G also had unprotected sex with this guy?

Woah baby. Fluid bonding is serious shit. You say L was no good at communicating clearly. How did you trust her to have sex with no condoms, if she is untrustworthy and uncommunicative? Your NRE blinded you to reality, and to safety.

I am not saying all this to rub salt into your current wounds. Just please, lesson learned here.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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  #62  
Old 07-06-2011, 11:07 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post
BlackUnicorn - what's FtF sexual contact...?
Female-to-female.

And good to hear your situation with L might be resolving itself. Why hasn't she had her uterus removed BTW, with the cysts and all?
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  #63  
Old 07-13-2011, 05:57 PM
Imapolygirlmaybe Imapolygirlmaybe is offline
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[QUOTE=Magdlyn;87732]I wouldnt rule someone out as a potential sex partner just because they have herpes. My understanding is, 50% of the population has been exposed and carries antibodies to it already, even if they have never had an outbreak. I'd just not make out or have sex if someone had a current outbreak, of course.

[QUOTE]

I have to rebutt this. A former partner of mine had a scare last year. Of course we were ALL freaking out. The doctor had to "culture" it and actually said he thought it was herpes.

I immediatley started googling herpes and reading up. Long story short, you can get it from a female whether or not she's having an outbreak. She may not even know she's having an outbreak. Herpes and appear HIGH UP in the vagina, near the cervix and you can't see it and at times the woman will have NO SYMPTOMS. Even if it's cleared up the virus can still be active and shedding from their skin cells. You can't see that.

My doctor informed me that EVEN IF I was tested that day that it wil take UP TO THREE MONTHS for herpes to show up in a blood test AFTER EXPOSURE. So had my former partner came up positive I couldnt even be accurately tested for it for three months from the last time I had slept with him.

If you DO NOT have herpes, you should probably NOT have sex with anyone that does unless you want to get it too.
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  #64  
Old 07-14-2011, 11:24 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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There is another long thread about STDs where herpes and HPV are discussed extensively.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #65  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:33 PM
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TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
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Sorry for the long gap between updates, folks.

L says she had the procedure. I offered to take her to the doctor, she declined numerous times. She told me that she was in the hospital for a couple days because of this combined with her other issues (cysts, etc), but that they didn't remove any of the cysts while they were in the neighborhood (which strikes me as very odd). I've had very little contact with her since, and it took numerous calls and texts to get her to respond to me, which I suppose is understandable. Her attitude when I spoke to her suggested that in her mind the only reason she did this was "for me", even though when we originally had this discussion there were a whole host of reasons to get the abortion, most of which had nothing to do with me and my life.

Still, many things do not add up. I feel like I don't actually know anything, just what she told me, and I have no way of verifying any of her statements, which leaves me with the awkward situation of wondering if she really went through with it, if she was ever pregnant at all, if it was actually mine, etc.

I'll readily admit that L and I went bareback far too soon. I know NOW that she's less than trustworthy, but I didn't at the time. Perhaps I was blinded by NRE, but I also didn't have the facts that I do now with which to draw such conclusions. Condoms will be a must from here on out, for long long periods of time. *sigh*

G won't be having sex with the guy with herpes. Or even making out with him any more. We tried to get tested for it, but the doctors said that it wasn't worth testing for unless there was an outbreak, so he wouldn't order the test.

All this shit almost makes monogamy look attractive...
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  #66  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:37 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post

All this shit almost makes monogamy look attractive...
That's how I was feeling for a while. I still even feel that way to a certain extent.
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  #67  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:42 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post
G won't be having sex with the guy with herpes. Or even making out with him any more. We tried to get tested for it, but the doctors said that it wasn't worth testing for unless there was an outbreak, so he wouldn't order the test.
Well, that doctor is a dick. If I want a test, it's my right as a consumer to get what I ask for. Besides, the herpes virus can shed even when there are no visible signs of an outbreak.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #68  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:44 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Well, that doctor is a dick. If I want a test, it's my right as a consumer to get what I ask for.

Oh yeah, and this. That's just irresponsible medical practice, and poor customer service to boot.
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  #69  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:46 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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I know it can feel that way. I get that feeling too once in a while when I'm in a position I would not be in if we were monogamous.

Eventually... what I worked out in my head for myself is that what these things taught me is to have policies in place and LEAVE them there for a long enough period of time to really get to know and trust somebody and then DISCUSS changes before they're made. And that communication REALLY needs to happen-- it should happen in monogamous relationships as well, but there's more leeway to get lazy about it which creates issues as well.

It's true that some of these things don't have to be discussed in monogamy, however... I do know several people that have acquired STDs from the new person they were dating because they didn't go through the steps... so it can still happen, there's just less people involved and affected!

I'm trying to take away life lessons from the mistakes hubs and I make, so that at least we've gained something from them. And I remind myself that things like learning how to communicate clearly, openly and honestly are abilities that will help us in many ways, that we have HAD to get better at due to our relationship structure.
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  #70  
Old 07-18-2011, 08:49 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Oh yeah, and this. That's just irresponsible medical practice, and poor customer service to boot.
I learned the hard way to demand what you need from the doc and if they won't do it, change doctors. They work for me, damn it!

My nurse practitioner at my last exam offered the full spectrum of testing, including HSV. She rocked.
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