Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 07-14-2011, 08:53 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I made it up myself! I'm a cunning linguist!
Oh my ... Hahahahaha!
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 07-15-2011, 12:42 AM
nouryia's Avatar
nouryia nouryia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 206
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClosetPoly View Post
it's the times when they just melt together in NRE, needing to hold each other and just cling. That is what makes me feel replaced
Closetpoly - The way I worked around that with my husband (because our NRE caused him a lot of insecurity and jealousy at first) was to hold back the touchy-feely stuff when we are all together or to try and include him. I try to save the more tender, 'gazing into your soul moments' for times when the bf and I are alone. Things will even out over time so I'm told...
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 07-17-2011, 03:41 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I made it up myself! I'm a cunning linguist!
Oo err!
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 07-17-2011, 03:44 PM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nouryia View Post
Closetpoly - The way I worked around that with my husband (because our NRE caused him a lot of insecurity and jealousy at first) was to hold back the touchy-feely stuff when we are all together or to try and include him. I try to save the more tender, 'gazing into your soul moments' for times when the bf and I are alone. Things will even out over time so I'm told...
Yupp, I'm happy to confirm that I am in a much better place now than I was 2-3 weeks ago. I started this whole elaborate stage 1-6 of intimacy when in a group setting blabla, chucked it all away and ended up with them being good friends around me, a greeting kiss and some time to say goodbye. All good, all easy peasy. We also agreed on a time-schedule, starting when he returns from a 5 week holiday end of august, that I feel comfortable with. Me "giving" them time, as up til now, was just disastrous, as I had no room to react or feel sad. Me and Vanilla are closer than ever, and for the first time in a long long while, I don't feel scared of losing her, I just feel alone and empty when she's gone. Gives me a lot of room to work on what's the real issue, her having an actual secondary relationship. :-) Or the real real issue, who am I? :-)
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus

Last edited by ClosetPoly; 07-17-2011 at 03:48 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 07-18-2011, 12:38 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClosetPoly View Post
... the real real issue, who am I? :-)
Glad you're feeling so much better with healthier boundaries in place.

Yes, "who are you?" as the caterpillar asked. Many people lose track of this in a marriage and especially after having kids. It's great to really get reacquainted with that journey. Poly can force you to answer that question... and it's fun to find out! Treat yourself as your own primary, take yourself out on dates, see friends one on one or in groups without your partner, read, work out, watch a movie or TV show you know she wouldn't care for, do engrossing hobbies, volunteer work, etc etc.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 07-20-2011, 10:42 AM
ClosetPoly ClosetPoly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 79
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yes, "who are you?" as the caterpillar asked. Many people lose track of this in a marriage and especially after having kids. It's great to really get reacquainted with that journey. Poly can force you to answer that question... and it's fun to find out! Treat yourself as your own primary, take yourself out on dates, see friends one on one or in groups without your partner, read, work out, watch a movie or TV show you know she wouldn't care for, do engrossing hobbies, volunteer work, etc etc.
Yeah, I have a few ideas lined up for september, things to try, going out with people etc. It will give me the time I need to deal with her relationship. The beast of jealousy and fear does rear its ugly head quite frequently, but I am aware of it now, and it's quite fascinating to be able to go "heeey, hang on, that's YOU again", and start dealing with it. I'm not always successful, but I am actually aware. If nothing else, I'm feeling better about myself, of what I can do, choices I can make, the love I can share, and the pain I can accept and deal with...
__________________
Mono engaged to poly VanillaCrazyCake

Don't fear god, don't worry about death; What is good is easy to get, and what is terrible is easy to endure.
-Epicurus
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
change, emotions, new dynamic, new partners, new to poly, sharing, starting out, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:51 AM.