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Old 07-15-2011, 07:44 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 602
Unhappy Callousness

My heart is aching a bit today. I do not know if I just got the wrong impression, but somehow I think that a loving family should not behave like Lin's does. He isn't strongly bonded with every member of his family, but his mother and younger sister are important to him. And as I guessed, the visit came up again. And he told his sister who asked and teased him about it. BUT: her new iPhone was more interesting than what her brother had to tell her (the only reason why she was there was because she wanted her phone software to be set up and installed). The only reason why anyone calls for him in this house is when they need some technical help with things...

Two questions came up: Is she your girlfriend? Does her husband know? The reaction after his explanation of our situation has been an “Uh-hu” and that's it.

Is that just strange from my point of view? He discusses with her the quirks of her slightly narcissistically boyfriend, who tends to overdo his self-adulation from time to time, how she can handle his personality and so on and she doesn't care if he got something going on? He said this would be normal, his family wouldn't be like mine where every little detail and news is discussed together, where get-togethers are done regularly, where birthdays are celebrated with one's folk and big holidays are always a feast one has to celebrate with the rest of the family. I would never react to news my siblings have to tell me in this ignorant and indifferent kind of way.

But there have been times already, when things he told me about the state of things at his home made me wonder. He still lives at home because of all the medical issues and his inability to work at the moment. His other siblings are younger than him, but except the youngest brother (brother, two sisters, Lin) who just finished school the two sisters are working. But he is the only one who has to pay monthly for the food. And even if he does, he tends to be forgotten if there are boyfriends of the sisters visiting who, more than one time already, ate his share. His illness is nothing that can be brought up in a discussion with the family, they just ignore it. I do not really know if they are just unable to cope with it or if they don't want the stress it would mean to deal with it. Again, I can't imagine such a reaction in my family.

I am really sad because of this. He seems so isolated at home and I am too far away to really comfort him and give him a hug and show him that we will change everything in the future, that this isn't what I think what family should be. He claims that he doesn't care and is used to it, but no one can be absolutely unaffected if it's family we are talking about. He covered his feelings with anger and callousness, but it was obvious that he was a bit hurt and disappointed. When he told his mother that he may move in with Sward and me and that he would be 600 kilometers away then, she just nodded and said “Well, we can phone from time to time.” And that was it.

We will wait if this was just the first reaction, if there will come more after it sunk in what this really means, but I am not sanguine of the success concerning their interest in this matter. Sward and I talked about Lin's family situation yesterday evening while lying in bed and I cried a bit because I can't really comprehend how this must feel like for Lin. Sward told me that we will create some wonderful experiences for Lin when he finally moved here, he couldn't stand the thought of such a surrounding either. 'We will form a family that deserves the title' were his words and I started crying a bit more because he was just so sweet that moment.
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children, cohabitation, coming out, communication, couple, family, kids, ldr, lessons, living together, marriage, metamours, mono/poly, moving in, opening a relationship, primary, time management, vee

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