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  #11  
Old 07-14-2011, 10:58 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi there. Thought I'd point out that nowhere in your post do you say that getting together with this guy is something you're really excited about. So, my question is: do you want to? Like really want to?

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Originally Posted by dani11 View Post
Recently I found out his best friend wants to have a sexual relationship with me . . .

I am not totally against the idea . . .
See, being "not totally against" it and then listing all the reasons why you are hesitant, just doesn't seem like a whole lot of enthusiasm to me.

Furthermore, you also state that since you opened your marriage quite a number of years ago, you "never had any sexual or emotional relationships," so I wonder if your first should be with someone you're not all that thrilled about hooking up with. Sure, he might be a good, close friend, and hubby likes the idea probably for voyeuristic reasons, but do you really think it would be worth it for someone with whom having sex is something you're "not totally against?" Even if it would simply be recreational sex and okay with you, why not wait until there's an opportunity to be with someone with whom the prospect of such a liaison really knocks your socks off? Why settle for lukewarm when you can have hot?
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-14-2011 at 11:34 PM.
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  #12  
Old 07-14-2011, 11:29 PM
dani11 dani11 is offline
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Default My first instinct

My first instinct is to talk to her directly. I am a fairly honest-open person. I like hearing from someone directly.

Hubby and I had thought about several ways to go about it. Me take her out and talk to her. Me and Hubby talk to her. Hubby talk to her. We all 4 talk together.

Me and hubby talking to her feels like us ganging up on her-

Me talking to her or hubby talking to her- I think she would be more comfortable talking with hubby. She knows him better than me. Hubby has had to go over to their house after work and help fix the computer-and hang out. I have been at home with the kiddos. They used to live further away and have moved closer. I have only met her about 5 times. We had talked and got along OK the first couple of times. The last time we went over there was after they had decided to have an open marriage. She did not talk to me at all! She was too busy fighting with best friend-and went to her room.

I am for the most part a total stranger to her-My Hubby is not. I just felt she would be more comfortable talking to him than me. I still want to talk to her though-so if hubby were to talk to her and say 'OK-green light' I would still talk to her.

Part of the problem could be they are living with another older couple who are not ok with non-monogamy of any sort. She could just be uncomfortable around them. I have told best-friend that they should both come over sometime. I figured we could all talk then. In fact thinking it over I think that would be best. My hubby could still be there as a lie-detector type, and he would also not let best friend influence her if it was feeling like she was not on board. It might even be good for both best friend and his wife-I don't think even they have talked about it much.

I don't know how long it will be until they can come over though. He just started a new job, they have just moved (most of the stuff is still in boxes), 2 kids, and a car that is broke down at the moment.

This is just a crazy situation, maybe I should start a blog for all of the background!
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  #13  
Old 07-15-2011, 12:42 AM
dani11 dani11 is offline
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Default Never thought about it

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hi there. Thought I'd point out that nowhere in your post do you say that getting together with this guy is something you're really excited about. So, my question is: do you want to? Like really want to?



See, being "not totally against" it and then listing all the reasons why you are hesitant, just doesn't seem like a whole lot of enthusiasm to me.

Furthermore, you also state that since you opened your marriage quite a number of years ago, you "never had any sexual or emotional relationships," so I wonder if your first should be with someone you're not all that thrilled about hooking up with. Sure, he might be a good, close friend, and hubby likes the idea probably for voyeuristic reasons, but do you really think it would be worth it for someone with whom having sex is something you're "not totally against?" Even if it would simply be recreational sex and okay with you, why not wait until there's an opportunity to be with someone with whom the prospect of such a liaison really knocks your socks off? Why settle for lukewarm when you can have hot?
I have tried to not think about it really. From my point of view-he was just flirting around never serious. Also with his other relationships they would have NEVER been ok with this. Why get all worked up, not to mention making the relationship uncomfortable over something that was never going to happen. I still don't want to get too worked up over something that might not happen. If I did not want to, I would not be in this situation now. I would have just said no. The only reason I am hesitant now is because I don't know how his wife feels. It could possibly get hot and knock my socks off if I let it. I wont let it until I know it is OK. Yes I really do have that much control. Not to mention I don't want to destroy his marriage. He is a good guy with bad luck-some of which he brings on himself. I don't want to be the cause of anything going wrong-giving them an excuse-to destroy his relationship with his wife.

When I found out he was serious I did go on a 'why did he not start this before he got married again' rant. It would have been simpler.

The reason for not having any type of relationships until now. I am a stay at home mom to 3 kids. (10, 6, 4) and have been for some time. Hubby works evenings-no one to watch the kiddos. So unless I just so happened to run into someone at the grocery store, it was not going to happen.

Hubby does not have voyeuristic ideas unless I decide to be with another female. I am the one with voyeuristic problems-though they don't have to even be sexual-just him giving someone a kiss, or rubbing a leg or back gets me all hot and bothered!
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