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  #11  
Old 10-15-2009, 08:21 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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yeah-unfortunately he's had these issues since childhood and the tend to manifest in huge ways that ruin relationships. His first marriage, his friendships. He creates an environment that ensures that he gets exactly what he doesn't want.
It's very frustrating-I've lasted longer than anyone else. I love him dearly-I would give him anything. I tried to give up myself for him (ah the painful lessons we force ourselves to learn the hardway) but of course that didn't work because it only made everyone (including him) miserable. I can't function that way (duh).
So anyway-I already knew better-not even sure why I went down that road for so long-makes me feel pretty stupid now. But I did-and he knows it doesn't work either.
We talked for hours last night and he see's that these things that are eating him up inside are going to ruin every relationship he's ever had if he doesn't get help for them. He says he will start seeing the therapist every other week to work on those issues-I hope he actually puts his mind to the matter and deals with them.
They suck-but he can get through them and he has people here who love him and will stand by him. He doesn't see it-but we are here and if he will just start the work-he'll figure out we are here for him in time.

Thank you for the support. It is very hard to watch and I have had to walk away already a few times. It's not fun and it's not good for the kids. He needs to deal with it this time for real instead of just pushing it back under the surface.
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  #12  
Old 10-16-2009, 03:58 AM
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Allthough it feels as though LR is airing my dirty laundry here she has stuck with me and talked to me and tried to help me.I have allways fealt second rate.I have allways tried to be number 1 and for a long time I thought I was but it was just a tool to NOT deal with my insecurities and fear of being left alone or for being left for someone better.

Im not sucidal btw, I asked LR if the meds I was trying had side affects of sucidal thoughts.(Was experiencing random fleeting thoughts of how I could die) not how I could kill myself.

I really think if I could be taught how to KEEP digging through my feelings to the root then I would have a chance of accepting the abandament issues I have and get past them.See counselor tomorrow and going to ask if he will see me solo everyother week.I want to make sure LR and I still get are communication lessons still.
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  #13  
Old 10-16-2009, 04:03 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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One step at a time lover. One step at a time.
As I said this evening-you are a perfectionist and that is AWESOME in so many ways-but no one-not I, nor you, or anyone else is perfect at everything they do the first time. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. You are coming across some of your weaknesses right now-that's not a bad thing-it just means that right now is your time for growth.
Interestingly-it's a time of growth for me too. The biggest difference is that for the first time in our whole marriage-we're doing it together.

I'm sorry if you feel like I aired your dirty laundry. That wasn't my intent AT ALL. I just needed suggestions because truly I felt like there was nothing and no way for me to support or help you. It helps to have other people tell me there are things I can do-and what I can do to support and help.

I love you, so much more than you ever will know. I'm not leaving and you ARE awesome. You mean so much to me, to C and to Em. Not to mention our children. We love you, we need you and we want to see YOU love you the way we all love you.

XO
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  #14  
Old 10-16-2009, 06:52 AM
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You too are a joy to "listen" to on here and I thank you for your public displays of support, love, affection and good modeling of what relationships can be when people love each other so deeply and take their commitments seriously.

LR, you are a gem and a dedicated woman to the one you love. I am sure that spills over to the others you love in your life... heck, I know it does as you have shown your love for others over and over on this forum. Maca, you are a lucky man to have a woman such as LR to put you as number one in her life. I am sure you are just as amazing, or she would not of picked you to be so.

Trust that LR loves you and trust when she tells you that you won't be abandoned or left for someone better. In doing that you will move forward from those old patterns you are in and heal.

Know that I, and probably other who have grown to care about you, are sending our love and wrapping you up close with it so that you can find peace, answers and healing.

*big hugs*
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  #15  
Old 10-17-2009, 12:50 AM
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Thanks RP,

She is wonderful and special. I LOVE her so much more...I have moments of such profound clarity and I feel so light. I dont have that heavy weight on my shoulders. Other times its so ...hard...

I wont give up and with the love we have Im sure I will grow into the man,friend,lover LR deserves.

Its very very helpful having everyone here to talk to and read about. You and Mono have no idea how much you have helped me and I accept and cherish your love.
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