Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 07-08-2011, 09:29 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,255
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Um, no.

I'm not saying that someone who lives polyamorously can't also include casual sex in their life, but they are two different things. Polayamory is loving more than one, and casual sex is, well, casual sex. We're talking about fucking. One does not have to preclude the other but they are not the same thing. That's all. At no time did I say that there is only one way to do poly.
I agree they are not the same thing. Nor do I think that you believe there is one true poly way. In fact I said so in my post.

You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships. I also place more emphasis on the ethics of poly rather than focusing mostly on the love part. Your definition works for you. Mine works for me. I'm not interested in telling you what your definition should be.

However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly. Casual sex is part of poly for me. That doesn't mean it should mean the same to you or anyone else or that you agree with me.
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 07-08-2011, 09:37 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,096
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Casual sex is part of poly for me.
Exactly. Part of poly is not the same as poly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly.
No it doesn't. The fact that poly is not the same thing as casual sex does not negate the fact that poly people can include casual sex in their lives. It doesn't exclude anyone's idea of how to live polyamorously to point out that there is a distinction between what it is and what something else is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships.
I'm not defining it. I am going by what the word means. Of course being polyamorous can include casual sex or polyfidelity, or whatever else is in between. It is an umbrella term. The Ravenhearts, who actually coined the term polyamory define it as: "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved." I have loved people whose interactions with me were very casual and I have even felt love for someone who was a "one night stand," so I know that casual sex does not preclude love or polyamory. All I am saying is that they are two different things. One is not the other. You said you agree, so I don't see what the problem is.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 07-08-2011 at 10:21 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 07-09-2011, 03:19 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,483
Default

I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 07-09-2011, 03:23 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?
Maybe if people actually READ threads that are already here... oh what am I thinking? That's just ridiculous... expecting people to read something that's not all about themselves.
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 07-09-2011, 10:05 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,096
Default

It was just a misunderstanding, that got dragged into a tangent, so let me get back on track and say:

Welcome, Snowdancer! Nice to have you here.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 07-21-2011, 01:05 AM
Snowdancer's Avatar
Snowdancer Snowdancer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington, DC area
Posts: 59
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
This thread seems to have gotten sidetracked....

I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the original poster, Snow.

Thanks for sharing! Your approach makes sense to me. I too feel that wanting casual sex with friends you care about (which is not remotely the same as seeking casual hookups with strangers!) is part of what has led me to exploring polyamory.

I'm still learning about different types of polyamory and/or other forms of non-monogamy, and trying to figure out which form would work best for me.

I'm identifying as non-monogamous right now, rather than the more specific label "poly," because falling in love or being in love isn't that important to me. I fall in love very rarely.

But I think there is a whole range of "feelings" that include varying degrees of tenderness, caring, emotional intimacy, friendship, attraction and/or sexual connection--which I experience even when I don't fall in love.

--Meera
Thank you Meera!

I was wondering what happened too!

I'm just sort of figuring things out as I go along. Sounds like you might be at about the same stage as me so I thank you for your thoughtful insights and empathy.

Thanks for the big welcome!

Snow
__________________
55 y.o. unmarried straight male w/straight GF wishing to meet women for dating and relationships. Also interested in just meeting people for fun and friendships. Blog and email buddies welcome!
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 07-21-2011, 01:13 AM
Snowdancer's Avatar
Snowdancer Snowdancer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington, DC area
Posts: 59
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!
Thank you! When I was a young man/old teenager, I didn't understand why more friends weren't having sex. Now I understand about how society influences us and that relationships get very complicated. Ah, to be young and naive!
__________________
55 y.o. unmarried straight male w/straight GF wishing to meet women for dating and relationships. Also interested in just meeting people for fun and friendships. Blog and email buddies welcome!
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 07-21-2011, 01:20 AM
Snowdancer's Avatar
Snowdancer Snowdancer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington, DC area
Posts: 59
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh geez, I thought this was finished, but I guess I should repost what I said later in the thread, since you seem to have missed it and only reposted my first message which apparently was misunderstood. I've bolded the most important parts:We good now? For the record, I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.
I'm OK, I was just apologizing for getting a little sensitive initially. We're good.

Take Care!

Snow
__________________
55 y.o. unmarried straight male w/straight GF wishing to meet women for dating and relationships. Also interested in just meeting people for fun and friendships. Blog and email buddies welcome!
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 07-21-2011, 01:48 AM
Snowdancer's Avatar
Snowdancer Snowdancer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Washington, DC area
Posts: 59
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It was just a misunderstanding, that got dragged into a tangent, so let me get back on track and say:

Welcome, Snowdancer! Nice to have you here.
And thank you very much for that!!!!

Take Care

Snow
__________________
55 y.o. unmarried straight male w/straight GF wishing to meet women for dating and relationships. Also interested in just meeting people for fun and friendships. Blog and email buddies welcome!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
casual sex, definitions, descriptions, new to polyamory, stereotypes

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:48 PM.