I Think I'm Polyamorous!

[opalescent]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Um, no.

I'm not saying that someone who lives polyamorously can't also include casual sex in their life, but they are two different things. Polayamory is loving more than one, and casual sex is, well, casual sex. We're talking about fucking. One does not have to preclude the other but they are not the same thing. That's all. At no time did I say that there is only one way to do poly.

I agree they are not the same thing. Nor do I think that you believe there is one true poly way. In fact I said so in my post.

You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships. I also place more emphasis on the ethics of poly rather than focusing mostly on the love part. Your definition works for you. Mine works for me. I'm not interested in telling you what your definition should be.

However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly. Casual sex is part of poly for me. That doesn't mean it should mean the same to you or anyone else or that you agree with me.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by opalescent

Casual sex is part of poly for me.

Exactly. Part of poly is not the same as poly.

Originally Posted by opalescent

However "It's just not what polyamory is" without adding 'for me' or something similar does exclude me and my ideas about poly.

No it doesn't. The fact that poly is not the same thing as casual sex does not negate the fact that poly people can include casual sex in their lives. It doesn't exclude anyone's idea of how to live polyamorously to point out that there is a distinction between what it is and what something else is.

Originally Posted by opalescent

You define poly as loving more than one person. For myself, I define it as more of a continuum that can range widely from casual to poly-fi relationships.

I'm not defining it. I am going by what the word means. Of course being polyamorous can include casual sex or polyfidelity, or whatever else is in between. It is an umbrella term. The Ravenhearts, who actually coined the term polyamory define it as: "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved." I have loved people whose interactions with me were very casual and I have even felt love for someone who was a "one night stand," so I know that casual sex does not preclude love or polyamory. All I am saying is that they are two different things. One is not the other. You said you agree, so I don't see what the problem is.

[Magdlyn]

I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

I feel kinda bad Snow's intro thread has devolved into semantics. Interesting talk, but don't we have a thread or 10 on this already?

Maybe if people actually READ threads that are already here... oh what am I thinking? That's just ridiculous... expecting people to read something that's not all about themselves.

[nycindie]

It was just a misunderstanding, that got dragged into a tangent, so let me get back on track and say:

Welcome, Snowdancer! Nice to have you here.

[Snowdancer]

Originally Posted by MeeraReed

This thread seems to have gotten sidetracked....

I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the original poster, Snow.

Thanks for sharing! Your approach makes sense to me. I too feel that wanting casual sex with friends you care about (which is not remotely the same as seeking casual hookups with strangers!) is part of what has led me to exploring polyamory.

I'm still learning about different types of polyamory and/or other forms of non-monogamy, and trying to figure out which form would work best for me.

I'm identifying as non-monogamous right now, rather than the more specific label "poly," because falling in love or being in love isn't that important to me. I fall in love very rarely.

But I think there is a whole range of "feelings" that include varying degrees of tenderness, caring, emotional intimacy, friendship, attraction and/or sexual connection--which I experience even when I don't fall in love.

--Meera

Thank you Meera!

I was wondering what happened too!

I'm just sort of figuring things out as I go along. Sounds like you might be at about the same stage as me so I thank you for your thoughtful insights and empathy.

Thanks for the big welcome!

Snow

[Snowdancer]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!

Thank you! When I was a young man/old teenager, I didn't understand why more friends weren't having sex. Now I understand about how society influences us and that relationships get very complicated. Ah, to be young and naive!

[Snowdancer]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Oh geez, I thought this was finished, but I guess I should repost what I said later in the thread, since you seem to have missed it and only reposted my first message which apparently was misunderstood. I've bolded the most important parts:We good now? For the record, I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.

I'm OK, I was just apologizing for getting a little sensitive initially. We're good.

Take Care!

Snow

[Snowdancer]

Originally Posted by nycindie

It was just a misunderstanding, that got dragged into a tangent, so let me get back on track and say:

Welcome, Snowdancer! Nice to have you here.

And thank you very much for that!!!!

Take Care

Snow