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  #41  
Old 06-30-2011, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
meh, no biggy. Its happened before. Usually people who come here are working on some heavy shit. People deal with that in different ways. Glad to hear you are willing to admit you were struggling and move on. Glad you're back!
Thanks!
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  #42  
Old 07-07-2011, 01:24 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
In my experience, I have found it much easier to be around and talk with women when I am attached. I also found them more responsive to that level of relaxed interaction regardless if they knew I was attached or not. From my perspective it is easy to see the why. When I was younger and single, I was driven by the desire to get laid. I think this came across through my energy and general tone. I was in "hunter" mode for lack of a better term and I think women are very perceptive to that.
Interesting concept. I've never thought of that but there may be some truth to it. To some degree I've always been more comfortable conversing with other women when I'm in a relationship, but I figured it had more to do with my not trying to get anywhere with them.
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  #43  
Old 07-07-2011, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Snowdancer View Post
So anyway, I'm finally accepting the fact that I must be Polyamorous. I accept that I am perfectly capable of loving and having feelings for more than one person, and that it is natural for me to express my sexual feelings with the consenting women that I care for.
Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!
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  #44  
Old 07-08-2011, 04:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Just for the record, I read your OP and didnt hear you saying you only wanted casual sex!
Ah, the shortcomings of the written word. It amazes me how I can sometimes mean to say something, say what I'm thinking, then have it interpreted entirely different. The words that said it all for me evidently said something entirely different to everyone else. Oh well, I'll let you know when I've got language perfected. Looks like I totally blew my coming out statement!

One thing I'm noticing after having read a few things on this site is that people can be very specific in terms of wording. I'll have to be more careful and adapt in the future.

Thanks for your comment and I've enjoyed our other conversation! Thanks for being friendly and saying hello!

Snow
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  #45  
Old 07-08-2011, 04:38 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
While I am happy for you that you are glad about making a discovery about yourself, I have to mention that your post seems very focused on sex, or rather casual sex. You do know that that is not what polyamory is about? I just felt it important to reiterate here that polyamory is about love. I would think that most anyone you would find looking for hook-ups on Adult FriendFinder is not really hoping for polyamorous relationships - that site is just about sex. Although sex is a part of most relationships, many poly relationships do not include casual sex or even, for some, any sex at all. If poly relationships also have an open element to it, where the partners can and do seek casual liaisons, it seems that most peeps involved in something like that will acknowledge that is not the poly part. If you're focusing on the sex and having lots of casual sex, that's one thing; if you're focusing on LOVING more than one person, that's polyamory.
Sorry if I mis-interpreted what you were saying originally. This was sort of my coming out statement, so I was a little sensitive about it. I'll just avoid using the words "casual sex" in my postings here from now on. Evidently, it has a specific meaning to people on this site. I am also noticing that word choice is very important to people on this site. I'll learn.
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  #46  
Old 07-08-2011, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Snowdancer View Post
Sorry if I mis-interpreted what you were saying originally. This was sort of my coming out statement, so I was a little sensitive about it. I'll just avoid using the words "casual sex" in my postings here from now on. Evidently, it has a specific meaning to people on this site. I am also noticing that word choice is very important to people on this site. I'll learn.
Snowdancer,

Don't censor yourself. We just had a whole long thread about how casual sex is included in poly for some people and not for others. I count myself among the former. It may not always be obvious but there is diversity in options on that and lots of other things. It is good to be as clear as possible but we are all human, and writing is an imperfect medium.
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  #47  
Old 07-08-2011, 02:20 PM
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Oh geez, I thought this was finished, but I guess I should repost what I said later in the thread, since you seem to have missed it and only reposted my first message which apparently was misunderstood. I've bolded the most important parts:
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I didn't say you were looking for casual sex. I don't know nor presume to know what you're looking for. I said that the focus of your original post seemed to be on sex and casual sex, as that is what you mentioned most (in every paragraph, in fact) when you spoke about how you discovered polyamory as an option for yourself. I was not judging; I was simply mentioning that poly is about love, in case you were heading in a different direction. No offense intended.
We good now? For the record, I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-08-2011 at 02:23 PM.
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  #48  
Old 07-08-2011, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am not against casual sex and do partake of it myself from time to time. I think it's a great topic. It's just not what polyamory is.
Except it can be a gateway drug... as you/we know.
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  #49  
Old 07-08-2011, 08:28 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It's just not what polyamory is.
Can we agree to add "for me" to sentences like the last one above?

I realize that NYCindie is restating her thoughts on what poly is for her, and does not intend to say that her way is the only poly way. But wording like that frustrates me because, as written, it implies there is one way to be poly.
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  #50  
Old 07-08-2011, 08:38 PM
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Can we agree to add "for me" to sentences like the last one above?

I realize that NYCindie is restating her thoughts on what poly is for her, and does not intend to say that her way is the only poly way. But wording like that frustrates me because, as written, it implies there is one way to be poly.
Um, no.

I'm not saying that someone who lives polyamorously can't also include casual sex in their life, but they are two entirely different things. Polayamory is loving more than one, and casual sex is, well, casual sex. We're talking about fucking. One does not have to preclude the other but they are not the same thing. That's all. At no time did I say that there is only one way to do poly. If someone leads a poly life which includes casual sex, that's how they do poly. If someone leads a poly life which does not include casual sex, that's how they do poly. Poly as a relationship structure, a container, can have casual sex in it. I never said it couldn't, although someone who claims to be polyamorous yet has only casual sex would make one ask where the love is to make it poly.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-08-2011 at 09:26 PM.
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