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Old 07-07-2011, 04:39 AM
Aleighagurl Aleighagurl is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 7
Question In love with two people (and "What would you do?")

Let me start by telling you my story:

I'm a female and I've been with a good man for 5 years now. We've had our ups and down and, as you can imagine, our love is more stable and companionate than it is lustful and passionate after so long together, but we're genuinely happy together. We've overcome a lot of hurdles together and I can honestly say he's my best friend in the world.

Our biggest issue? Our sex life is dying. Partly because we are in this routine of gentle supportive love only, partly because his libido is lower than mine, and partly because (while I still do have the desire to be intimate with him) I am considering that I may actually be gay rather than bi.

Recently I met a wonderful woman with some of the same qualities as my man (age, profession) and some polar opposite qualities (extroversion, and, well, gender). She's lovely and I really feel like I'm in love with her because I don't know how else to explain this infatuation and this pulling, urging, and even altruistic need to make her happy and help her in every way that I can.

I have been honest with everyone about everything and now I find myself in a long term relationship with a man and dating a woman with whom I feel like I have serious life-long potential. I'm pretty sure that makes me polyamorous but I think both of them are mono and I feel like I'm being, well, kinda greedy.

I love them both intensely but differently. He doesn't understand that, he needs to be the best, to be loved the 'most', to be the one and only primary. But on the other hand, she needs and deserves commitment and stability and not to be drug along the sidelines. I feel like I'm the middle man in this juggling act and the uncertainty of where my relationships stand is stressing the heck out of me.

I'm asking for a bit of advice here. In the mono-centric world my options are dump her, dump him, or dump them both. But here my options are much greater. I'm hoping that by asking you what you would do, I can get some insight into what my options are. I have no idea how this can or will work out but I have to give it a shot because, at this point, losing either one of them will be painful and I like to hope there's some other way.

Thank you for your advice, comments, and support. <3
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advice, jealousy, monogamy, question, sex

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