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  #21  
Old 07-04-2011, 09:44 PM
PickMoreDaisies PickMoreDaisies is offline
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Default how many is too many

I think that I posted a question about this topic. Good memory RedPepper =)

Back when I was in the throws of endless possibilities!! LOL

Really for us, me having a secondary and my SO having a secondary as well seems like it would eat up just about all of our time! I like my alone time...so for me two is all that I can handle. Throw in the excitement that I get from seeing my partner with other people and I am filled up =)

Mind you, we have three teenagers that might just be draining me a little (understatment), so we'll have to see if things change in the years to come =)
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  #22  
Old 07-05-2011, 06:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PickMoreDaisies View Post
I think that I posted a question about this topic. Good memory RedPepper =)

Back when I was in the throws of endless possibilities!! LOL
Yay! Here is the other thread! Thanks PMD
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  #23  
Old 07-10-2011, 01:31 AM
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I think I would be most comfortable with 2 as well. Though I don't think 3 would be all that much harder, I do believe that it would still take time with 2 to get comfortable enough to add a third. With my current partner, it may be a long time to even add a second, if at all. But I will always love an infinite amount of people. I would love any of my closest friends to be around me. I'd enjoy being close, cuddling and the like with the majority of those too. =]
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  #24  
Old 07-11-2011, 07:07 PM
Kerensa Kerensa is offline
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I'm not sure on an upper limit, it really depends on how many people you are capable of loving. Personally I've never had more than 6 partners, although having 6 is daunting for me it's also exciting and fun. I love them all and they all make me happy, it's not difficult to find time for all of them, but I imagine that it is for some people. We have a lot of sleepovers, and meet up in town a lot, we all go to the same youth group. It just takes a lot of planning, thought and communications.
As long as there is communication I think any reasonable number is okay, reasonable meaning that you clearly can't love 291 partners or whatever abstract number. I don't want to say an upper limit, but I personally wouldn't consider going into double digits for relationships.
In a sexual respect, I usually don't even like three-ways very much, personally I prefer to sleep with partners separately, it's just more romantic and loving that way.
The difficulty with saying relationships like marriage is that some of my partners may have other partners, in which case we're going to need a pretty big house if we do get married, but that would be lovely if you ask me... just as long as there wasn't too many of us that it got confusing...
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  #25  
Old 07-11-2011, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerensa View Post
The difficulty with saying relationships like marriage is that some of my partners may have other partners, in which case we're going to need a pretty big house if we do get married, but that would be lovely if you ask me... just as long as there wasn't too many of us that it got confusing...
Since I started the thread, and used a phrase like "like marriage," let me explain what I had in mind. I did not mean that everyone would have, necessarily, to live under the same roof. I include metamours outside the house in my conception of possible "like marriage" situations. By "like marriage" I meant great love, unlimited and authentic love, and a similar level and kind of commitment. Similar, not identical, necessarily. Mainly I mean, far, far more than a mere convenient and expendable plaything.
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  #26  
Old 07-11-2011, 11:06 PM
Kerensa Kerensa is offline
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I guessed that, I was just trying to cover everything you could have meant.
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  #27  
Old 07-13-2011, 05:10 PM
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For us it was 3. A nice triangle for the physical part. We have talked about the possibility of more but we never got the chance to really try it. We did have and still have many more that we are very close to but the relationships have never grown past the really close friendship stages. Maybe one day though. We feel that if you add to many people the lines of communication start to break down.

With 3 people you have 6 different relationships going on, add one other and you will have 8 or more depending on how you look at it and the more you add the more complicated it gets. So we just decided that 3 to 4 was the prefect number for the core group.
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  #28  
Old 07-13-2011, 10:55 PM
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[/QUOTE] I could see myself having a larger chosen family, however. Cuddly, but not sexual friends. Committed, intimate companions who are not also lovers. In fact, I'd really like that!] [/QUOTE]

I very much wonder if something like this is possible however not limiting sexual nature of the group. I have a great group of friends that don't have a close family bond so we've found it in each other. We spend holidays together, celebrate successes and I know for a fact if I ever needed anything one of them would be there. I like the idea of everyone having different strengths and skills so that you always have the help you need. None of the relationships (besides my boyfriend and I) have become sexual however I feel very intimate with the others and comfortable past just the normal friend feelings. This type of "family" feels so normal I wonder if anyone else has experiences such as this. Or any poly's who have developed a sort of "family" through their other relationships.
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  #29  
Old 07-14-2011, 05:36 AM
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crazyeights101... I tend to think that family is what you make it... it doesn't have to be built on anything more than people you love and who love you. The number of partners is irrelevant to that I think. It can be part of it, but not all of it.
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  #30  
Old 07-14-2011, 03:04 PM
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Default Enough, already! (But thank you so much!)

<prayer to the Goddess>

Dear Goddess, buddy, friend...,

I'm going to have to cut this off at three, Ms Universe! Are you hearing me, Goddess!? I can handle a maximum of three Great Loves right now. Please stop sending me abundance in this particular realm of my life. Don't get me wrong, HeartOfTheCosmos, I'm much appreciative. I have much gratitude. But I am human. So knock it off, okay. Give me land to build a community on. Give me a briefcase full of cash. Heal my heart and soul some more. But no more lovers, okay! Thank you so much! I love you! You're the best. I'd do anything for you. You know that.

</prayer to the Goddess>

More on that >>> http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...1&postcount=75



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Last edited by River; 07-14-2011 at 03:09 PM.
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