Not that this is a poly issue per se.
But suggestions are welcomed and I'm not getting any in real life!
Maca suddenly feels depressed and by his terms suicidal. Not pertinent to our steps with our relationship-which seems to be going great.
Just "in general" he says.
I am the kind of person who will analyze myself and my situation/life anytime it feels "off" until I get it back on track. But Maca is more of a "this is just the way it is sweep it under the carpet" kind of person.
His emotional state right now is negatively impacting not only himself (obviously) but the whole family.
Last night I had to babysit (2 days in a row) a 1 year old, 3 year old and 12 year old for a friend. It's not hard-just disruptive and in turn means things I would normallly do and be done with whileMaca was at work, are still gettig finished up through the evening (like grading papers since I homeschool our son, finding down time to check my emails etc). Maca got pissy and accusational suggesting that I don't have any time for him.
First I reminded him this was not true. I had a break where the kids were gone in the afternoon when he got home and we took a shower together. I certainly didn't need a shower-but I know it's something he likes to do together so I made sure we got one in before the kids got dropped back off for the evening.
It seemed he totally blew it off. At first that really ticked me off. I felt defensive and angry because I am working my butt off to be sure to patiently and considerately deal with his insecurities and emotional rollercoaster moments in light of MY changing the dynamic of our relationship.
But pretty quickly I just got worried. Because I haven't done anything to warrant this sudden change (which he admitted) and it seems to have suddenly popped up seemingly out of no-where.
personally I don't believe it popped up from no-where. I just don't buy it.
I know that there is a lot going on internally with him. But have no way of knowing if he's simply "squishing it away" or actually dealing with it.
I want to be supportive-but honestly feel like in some ways the best thing I could do is be a "bitch" and tell him to get his ass in to the doctor and start working to find an answer.
It's not that I don't care or don't want to deal with him. I DO. The issue is I can't-because he says "I don't know why" "nothing is really wrong I just feel suicidal" " I'm so depressed and waiting for the next excitement but it seems to be impossible". I can't work with any of that........
I'm frustrated because i love him and want to help-but it seems like really he doesn't want to help himself. It's work to face emotional issues-and he has a lot from his past to deal with-but if you don't face them how can you ever be happy? I just don't understand I guess....
"Love As Thou Wilt"