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  #91  
Old 05-21-2011, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by gamerprincess View Post
So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.

Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.
That's a shame. May I ask why they took her child? I'm sure they are really just trying to harrass cherry until she breaks down and gives them a real reason to take her child. It's like torture. But I know she'll stay strong for her baby always.
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  #92  
Old 05-22-2011, 04:27 AM
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They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
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  #93  
Old 05-24-2011, 09:14 AM
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They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
No, she doesn't work. But she also can't if she has to be with her 24/7. She isn't allowed to be alone with anyone but Cherry. Cherry is in and out of meetings with them like every other day or so trying to sort out this stupidity. She's moving into a new house soon, because she's been back with her mother for a few months and she's trying to sort out getting some money in again. It's taking its toll on her and seeing how stressed she is getting is really hard on me too. I want to be able to help however I can.
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  #94  
Old 06-28-2011, 07:20 PM
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Good news from last post... I think the child is being left alone by the child services people now.

New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot, but now it just makes me feel even worse about loving other people NOW. I've promised that it is just me and her right now and that I wouldn't think about being with anyone else without our own relationship being strong as ever. But i just feel like communication gets thrown out of the window. I'm not the best at expressing myself to start with, but I really feel like she doesn't even want to try. Maybe she is just as bad as I am and feels the same about me? But everything I kep trying to keep that good communication going just gets thrown away. I feel like it might be the last chance to get through all this before it just ends.
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  #95  
Old 06-29-2011, 04:56 AM
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Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else?? I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!

Last edited by dragonflysky; 06-29-2011 at 04:59 AM.
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  #96  
Old 06-30-2011, 12:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot . . .
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-30-2011 at 12:31 AM.
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  #97  
Old 07-01-2011, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else?? I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.

Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?

I think she would prefer I lived in a bubble before her, but she has to accept that it isn't reality. She has had her own past too. I'm sure both of ours have been different, but I don't feel like I should worry about what has already happened. I just make the best of what I have now.

She doesn't really feel comfortable with this site, or with polyamory in general. But if she gets jealous over the people I used to love, I can't see her ever accepting those I love now. Or the fact that I love other people. I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.
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  #98  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.

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Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.
If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #99  
Old 07-05-2011, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.



If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.
Thank you. You and everyone else who has given me advice. I always appreciate it.
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  #100  
Old 09-25-2011, 06:25 PM
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WELL!

I've recently lost Cherry. She left me, only to go fuck another guy. I thought all this talk of polyamory might have given her a clue that if that's what she really wanted, it was fine with me!

I really hate myself for not seeing this coming though. She left her ex to be with me in the first place. I'm sick of mind games and I'm sick of being treated like shit by everyone. Always being walked over. I don't know if I should be upset or glad I'm rid of her. I've already wasted too many tears.
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