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  #31  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:27 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Peace, esedkudiln

Hope you find some answers
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  #32  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:32 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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The flaw is not in the term itself. It's in trying to apply a very broad umbrella term to define very specific relationship structures. The problem is in using the term to make assumptions. Which is why people shouldn't take such stock in calling or judging someone else's relationship as poly or not or even saying that their relationship is a "typical poly relationship" (which can fairly be interpreted as a judgement even if the intention wasn't to judge). Simply because two different kinds of relationships are being described under the same broad umbrella term, that doesn't automatically mean they should be compared to each other.

It's like saying a person who's married is more monogamous than a person who's dating. And then the married person taking offense or being hurt that the dating person is also describing their relationship as monogamous. And then a bunch of people jumping down that dating person's throat for bringing up that definitions can be broad. At least that's how I see it.
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  #33  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post

It's like saying a person who's married is more monogamous than a person who's dating.
Either way, when someone says they are monogamous you know exactly what you are referring to, when someone says "I'm a swinger" you know exactly what they are referring to, when someone says "I have casual sex" you know exactly what you are referring to. By watering down and refusing to apply a basic definition to polyamory, if someone says "I'm Polyamorous" you end up not having a clue what they are referring to.

That's all I am saying, Ceoli. All the respect in the world to broad umbrella's. Some of us like having a certain baseline of clarity in at least the inclusion of loving connections within Poly. But I digress, the word means very little in the big picture. People refuse to define it and therefore it fails in being considered "terminology" at all.
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  #34  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:47 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Ugh.

Please remember that the OP invited us to judge his situation. He asks US how HE "should" feel about his fiancee having a one-night-stand with a co-worker.

Sorry if I butted into a private conversation that was being shouted from roof-top to roof-top, but it's not exactly like I broke the lock on the Secret Journal of Eskludin's Personal Life and splattered it all over the sidewalk.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 10-14-2009 at 04:48 PM. Reason: changed "wife" to "fiancee"
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  #35  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:51 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Either way, when someone says they are monogamous you know exactly what you are referring to, when someone says "I'm a swinger" you know exactly what they are referring to, when someone says "I have casual sex" you know exactly what you are referring to.


I disagree. If I tell you, "I'm in a monogamous relationship" what exactly do you know about my relationship other than it involves one other person? Do you know whether we're married, dating or FWB? Monogamy only means that whatever kind of relationship it is it involves one other person. There's nothing terribly exact about that. Anything past that is an assumption.

Similarly for swinging. I know swingers that have sex with strangers. I know swingers that have sex within a closed circle and group of friends that know each other and hang out outside of the sex. Which one is the real swinger in this case?

These terms are all laden with assumptions that people generally accept. The trouble is, even if a majority of people accept those assumptions as accurate descriptions, it still doesn't change the reality that they are also broad umbrella terms. People are just more used to navigating the assumptions around certain terms than others. The term polyamory itself hasn't been around that long.
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  #36  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:52 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Ugh.

Please remember that the OP invited us to judge his situation. He asks US how HE "should" feel about his fiancee having a one-night-stand with a co-worker.

Sorry if I butted into a private conversation that was being shouted from roof-top to roof-top, but it's not exactly like I broke the lock on the Secret Journal of Eskludin's Personal Life and splattered it all over the sidewalk.
He asked for feedback, not a full on assault and accusations about the nature of his relationship.
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  #37  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:56 PM
esedkudiln esedkudiln is offline
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Peace, esedkudiln

Hope you find some answers
Thanks Mono, you too. I've been catching up on some of the posts here and realise you and your loved ones are not in an easy situation. Good luck with that!
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  #38  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:59 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I disagree. .
We agree to disagree then. How anyone could misinterpret "I'm monogamous" is beyond me. It doesn't even attempt to describe anything other than a one on one intimate relationship. Allthe other details have nothing to do with saying the word, they are other aspects to the relationship dynamic but not what defines the type of romantic involvement.

I'm finished as this topic has spiralled into negativity.

Take care Ceoli.
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  #39  
Old 10-14-2009, 05:00 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by esedkudiln View Post
Thanks Mono, you too. I've been catching up on some of the posts here and realise you and your loved ones are not in an easy situation. Good luck with that!
Thanks, I apologize for creating a huge tangent on your thread.

Take care
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  #40  
Old 10-14-2009, 05:03 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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I'm finished as this topic has spiralled into negativity.

Take care Ceoli.
For what it's worth, I didn't view this little debate we were having in these couple of posts or the disagreement we have about it as negative. I like conversations like this because I do see them as important to have. So thanks for that.
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