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  #141  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:16 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Congrats MG..
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  #142  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:17 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Thank you. Just posted on yours! Hahahaha!
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  #143  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:18 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Thank you. Just posted on yours! Hahahaha!
I saw. .. haven't been sayingmuch lately.. haha.. *shrugs*.. who would have ever thought I would be speechless about stuff

good to see you are doing well
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  #144  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:24 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Yep. Sometimes silence is golden...and "STFU" helps! LOL!
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  #145  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:25 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Yep. Sometimes silence is golden...and "STFU" helps! LOL!
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  #146  
Old 07-01-2011, 03:29 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Hope things can work out better for everyone this time.
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  #147  
Old 07-10-2011, 05:25 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Default Needing some help or should I say skills

Can anyone give me some advice on getting over the little annoyances? They seem to build up. There are overtures of niceness between me and KT. BUT...I know we both (I know it is the case for me) probably have underlying mistrust. The small idiosyncracies get to me. How do I not let these spill over into my relationship with 2rings, and either learn to live with them or get some behaviors to change? Thoughts?
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  #148  
Old 07-10-2011, 06:35 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Here's how I look at being annoyed with someone or something, in general. Most of the time I feel annoyed because I am choosing to see something from a specific perspective and letting myself feel annoyed. This basically comes out of wanting things a certain way and them not being that way (so simple!). People can do all kinds of "annoying behavior" and there are plenty of times when we laugh it off and it doesn't bother us, so what happens when it does?

Why do we let certain people or actions get to us? Why do we think someone should be different than who they are, or behave the ways we wish they would? Why, when we could be focused on something much more enjoyable, do we spend our energies on annoyances? Is there something we're avoiding? Being annoyed is totally a state of mind that you alone are responsible for. Feeling annoyed, irritated, dissatisfied, complaining, etc., usually comes out of attachment to expectations. That's how I've been taught to view it by some wise teachers of mine, anyway.

So, I know an exercise, or really a game you can play with yourself, that helps one start to see more clearly what's going on inside. When we're annoyed, we're usually grumbling or complaining about something or someone to ourselves, right? So, every time you have a thought or make a statement about what's annoying you -- basically a complaint -- add to the end of your sentence these words: "and this is what I want." Do that for one or two days and you will see that being annoyed, feeling offended, being irritated, is a state of mind we put ourselves in. Even complaining is a choice (oh, how often in just one day we can indulge in complaining!) -- some people do that exercise and realize that their life is really just great, but that they just love to complain. Many of us have been ingrained with a pattern of complaining about things because we just can't let ourselves experience life as something that is really as fucking awesome as it actually is.

So, I'm not making any calls about what's going on with you, but it could be a very enlightening exercise to do. It's been useful to me when I feel like things are out of my control, because it makes me realize that my happiness and peace of mind are up to me.

Now, the major result is that it brings self-awareness -- and with seeing your own reactions to things more clearly, you also see other people's behaviors more clearly. So when one starts to see one's own patterns of reactions better (because getting annoyed can really be just a habit), we can clear away the confusion over another's behaviors. You might start to see that what they're doing is perfectly fine, or you might see that they have actually been trying to bug you.

Either way, with clarity you can now let it go or speak up (if necessary) without lashing out (reacting), but rather by calmly stating something you see (examples: "I've noticed I'm a little uncomfortable with when you do X and just want you to know," or "Is there anything you are trying to to tell me when you do X, because I have a feeling something else is going on," or even just ask "Why do you [say or do] X?" ) Another person's behavior might just be as unconscious as our reactions to it.

And of course, always try to have compassion for the person doing the behavior, as well as ourselves for reacting in the ways that we do.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-10-2011 at 11:08 PM.
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  #149  
Old 07-10-2011, 07:36 PM
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I tend to have those feelings a lot myself and I always debate whether or not to do anything. I wonder if I'm being petty by saying something but then if I don't I tend to just feel worse and worse. I like NYCindies idea. It allows for some balance. Sometimes it can be necessary to clear the air. I usually try and make sure that it's not something I need to solve in my own head first. Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a rut with certain people and every little thing will just crawl under my skin. I guess you could call it being biased. :P sometimes it feels like an all or nothing kind of thing like no matter what they do I'll feel annoyed at them. And when that happens to me, I think it probably has to do more with me. But I guess it just depends on the situation. Ultimately the burden is on us for our own feelings and actions. Do our best to treat others fairly and with empathy. In fact, that can be what breaks it for me is feeling that connection of empathy.
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  #150  
Old 07-10-2011, 10:44 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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A friend of ours was not her usual self when I got to Ragnarok. She behaved towards me in a way that made me feel unwelcome and disrespected. I had heard she was having a rough week, so I let it go, but now that it has been a couple of weeks and she has not responded to posts I left on her facebook page or responded to my request that she let me know when she and her boyfriend will be able to resume our bi-weekly game night. I sent her a e-mail the other night outlining my feelings and my perceptions and asked if there was anything that I had done wrong. Her response was that she had needed a break and still does. Not exactly an answer to my question of "did I do something wrong?" But I responded with take a break and I/ we will be here when you're ready. Yesterday my computer was acting funny, but she mentioned having problems sleeping, so I replied to her post with some suggestions and my post almost immediately disappeared but another friend of ours did not. So I have no way of knowing if she deleted my comment or if the internet ate it, but I was immediately thrown into a "grr" mood. Runic Wolf told me to let it go, but that didn't help because I was trying to process why it irritated me so. So on the way here with Wendigo last night, I puzzled out that I don't have alot of local friends and the numbers decrease drastically when I single out the local female friends. I remember when I met T thinking how awesome it was to find a girl like me, how excited I was to become her friend and I don't want to lose that friendship. I tend to over react when I think that I'm about to lose something important to me; this is something I'm working on, but years of being conditioned to avoid conflict and keep the peace so I don't get hurt is hard to overcome.

Good luck figuring out the root of your irritation and coming up with productive ways to address it. Keep moving forward!

Last edited by BrigidsDaughter; 07-10-2011 at 10:48 PM.
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