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  #11  
Old 06-30-2011, 06:20 PM
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Seriously it hasn't been all cupcakes with sprinkles. I will admit that yes I did cheat on Jewel a couple of times with Lover. During our "break", but I think she loosely knew, and was trying on the "don't ask, don't tell approach". There were times when Jewel didnít even want to eat dinner with me. Times she yelled at me for supposedly sleeping on the other side of the bed in a distant way. In the break period when she wanted me to stop being sexual with Lover she called me loose, a nice way of saying I was being a whore. It was like feeding me and calling me fat. Why open the door then when I feel it is safe call me a whore? Me who sees Lover once a week if I am lucky enough to get the space. Me who has been Jewels first partner, who hasn't ever even thought of another relationship for years!!! Talk about fucking with my head, and probably why I still have pangs of guilt.


She is sensitive. Obviously this is a sensitive matter. When I left to try to make money at the garage sale, I guess I didn't say bye right or emotional enough? But she turned around and hurt me were I am sensitive. Not about the relationship with lover, but with my relationship with life. I don't think she even knows. For the biggest part I am the man of the house. I am the one that does most of the dirty work. I face the world head on so she can stay in her safe zone. But I am still a girl. There are times that I need to let that loose. I think that Jewel can sometimes be selfish forgetting that I am a girl too. Times are hard no doubt. There is stress all around. We are homesteading, and in a terrible drought.

I need cookies now. I will go make some chocolate chip cookies.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #12  
Old 06-30-2011, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evrchanging View Post
Times she yelled at me for supposedly sleeping on the other side of the bed in a distant way.
You may want to pass this information along to Jewel. I used to do this, and it would be especially heartbreaking more recently when we were working on repairing our marriage. One day I finally just decided to tell my husband, that "I am SUPER insecure about him not returning my touch when I reach out to him, especially in bed. If I reach out with my foot or hand just to touch him and he pulls away or doesn't move, even a little so I can continue to just touch him (usually feet), it feels like a complete rejection." It was really hard for me to say that, but it felt good to say it and ever since then, he has made the effort to be more responsive. It was never his intent to reject me, he was just trying to sleep.
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  #13  
Old 06-30-2011, 07:33 PM
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You may want to pass this information along to Jewel. I used to do this, and it would be especially heartbreaking more recently when we were working on repairing our marriage. One day I finally just decided to tell my husband, that "I am SUPER insecure about him not returning my touch when I reach out to him, especially in bed. If I reach out with my foot or hand just to touch him and he pulls away or doesn't move, even a little so I can continue to just touch him (usually feet), it feels like a complete rejection." It was really hard for me to say that, but it felt good to say it and ever since then, he has made the effort to be more responsive. It was never his intent to reject me, he was just trying to sleep.
I realized that after she told me. I was just exhausted that particular night and just rolled over and crashed. You could have jabbed me with a cattle prod and probably not got much response. It was after a night with Lover so she was reaching out for me, for reassurance, and I missed it.

Touch has been so important in repairing our marriage. It is how we are intimate with each other. Even a little brush like a foot or a hand in bed has become so important. I was heavily abused as a child and Jewel used touch to bring back to life my heart. She taught me the awesomeness of simple cuddles and touching. Something I cannot do without.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #14  
Old 07-01-2011, 02:45 AM
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Me and The Dew made some kick ass chocolate chip cookies, while Woogie attempted to whack the cat with a spatula .I am a homeschooler and the with the intensity of this week I gave The Dew a week off. We have been through loosing a rabbit, a dog, and even her favorite goat. A week of freak accidents. I tried to get her into her math work, we made origami airplanes, and I will try to at least finish science, and history this weekend along with me reading to her, and she reading to me. Baking counts as an elective.

Jewel saved the last batch from burning as I spaced out. Poor Lover might not get here in time tomorrow before all the cookies are eaten up. I talked it over with Jewel, and devised the best plan.

My jeep tire is flat so Lover is going to come and get me tomorrow evening leaving Jewel the truck. Jewel will get me on Sat. I will make dinner tomorrow at my house, and we would work on dinner together on Sat. at his house. He is going to run me into town on Saturday so that I can get a few errands taken care of, and he can load up on food. He helps me so much. Working together gets so much done.

Lover made sure I cleared it with Jewel. I brought up that Lover asked if it was okay with her to Jewel and she gave me a strange look. I was just double checking. Later she asked me if he was excited to see me tomorrow. We had a girly giggle about how funny boys could be. Weird joke that is kinda hard to get unless youíre here.

I am excited. I don't know when I will get another sleep over. They are all fly by the seat of my pants. This is the first one I have intentionally set up more than three days in advance. Lover wanted to schedule a special day of the week, in the beginning, but Jewel was insistent that you cannot schedule something like that very easily. Lover wanted to do it so that no one (mainly him) got their feelers hurt. Jewel wanted me to have the freedom to come and go as I pleased. I am compromising coming and going when I want, roughly weekly.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #15  
Old 07-01-2011, 06:45 PM
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Boy I am out of the loop. I went to fill up our water tank today, and two young (my age) boys from the Denver area came to get water too. I could feel them checking me out. I am only 26 and not too bad looking. I wasn't dressed up, just yoga pants and a tightish T. I am so not with the world right now. I come off my mountain for food, and fuel thatís it. No T.V. or anything really mainstream beside the internet. In a way I wondered what it would be like to live in the city. My tiered bones ached for a moment for the convince. I got preggy at 18 due to birth control not working as planned! So my life has been children, and getting by. I felt sexy, but a little scared too. I am a very high sex drive person. I am also very shy, and socially awkward.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #16  
Old 07-03-2011, 05:33 PM
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Default It works.

Lover showed up just as I was preparing my favorite cornflake bake chicken recipe. He and Jewel sat around and talked for awhile tell I was done. We all went for a hike around our land, and looked at the garden. We talked about future plans, for the fall and winter. I felt pangs of nervousness every now and again. I would just accept and let it go. Especially when I heard Jewel and Lover erupting in laughter over some joke.

I set everything up pretty as I could in my temp. R.V. situation. Paper plates, silverware, and what food I had to left to offer. I announced everything was done. My family gathered around and hungrily loaded up their plates. I made one for The Dew, and Jewell made one for The woogie as I sat her in the highchair. Woogie stared, and stared at Lover. We all past glances back and forth but no words were exchanged until the pangs of hunger passed.

Lover plotted ways of getting my mom to leave us alone. He wanted to make the point clear that: "yes I am with two lovers, and twice as protected so donít try any more shit." He had a whole plot written out. It was funny to see, and discuss, but all in all we won't mess with her.

I took Lover and the kids into my "space". A small couch and a shelf were I keep my computer. Lover and I let the kids more or less maul us while we listened to my favorite C.D. Florence and the Machine Lungs. Jewel finished up the few chores we didn't get to. When she was done we loaded up his truck with my laundry, and gas tanks. It was a dark and starry 9 pm when I kissed my two little girls. I hugged Jewell and gave her a kiss. She returned a hug that said it was okay, all was fine. She told me her night was going to be wrangling the kids in the shower and to bed, so she could get five minutes peace.

As the stars stood on their own with no moon to over shadow them we headed to my other home. His hand in mine. Sleepy and excited we bumbled into his place. He touched me as coffee was brewing. We sipped it listening to the radio, and making small talk. Finally we turned the lights low. I crawled into bed as he took a momentary pause to close the chicken coop.

"Whats this in my bed " Lover announced as he joined me. I am not the master of romantic comebacks so I remarked "something to poke". Serious dork alert that got me tickled half to death. He enjoyed my body most of the night. Exploring it like its never been seen before. We must have been up for hours. I felt like I had barley closed my eyes before the sun and the roosters call came barraging in on us.

Lover let them out and his body was cold when he came back. I brought my warm body up to his, and he just melted. We made morning love, and took a ridiculously long shower afterward. We took our time getting ready for town. It wasn't until noon was fast approaching that I threw my purse in the truck.

As I slammed the door I was startled to see Lovers friend. He looked at me a little shocked knowing I was with Jewell (not knowing anything else except a mono relationship with a man). He talked with Lover about farm related stuff. I had a feeling he wanted to hang out longer with him and he knew that something was up. He left in an odd hurry.

Lover asked what we should do as we were driving in town. I told him it was okay, and probably a good idea to tell his friend. Jewell, I knew didn't mind, but he was welcome to get a direct okay first. He went on saying it couldn't really be adultery, or cheating could it? "Our relationship just works." Lover finished with a baffled look on his face. I told him no, and don't say that. I instead just told him to tell his friend that he was my Co-Husband. I said Lover has earned that title for all the work he has put him help us out. He sat in quiet pride for the most part. He even held my hand in public for the first time.

We did our town chores getting around the happy crowds of 4th of July-ers. As soon as we got home I made a late lunch. We watched Avatar, and hoped the cloud build up would lead to a badly needed rain. 7pm was fast approaching. No time for another love fest. Instead we worked together to feed his goats, rabbits, chickens, and his cute little pup. We shared the big arm chair until Jewells lights could finally be seen on the road.

Lover made a big sandwich, for all to share, as I bathed the kids there. We sat and talked while Woogie bummed food off of everyone. She finally dozed in Lovers lap, clean and full. We loaded up and left.

All three girls dozed while I drove home. Jewell woke as I came to a stop sign. "Lover sure benefited from your energy. He was in such a good mood." I shifted into first gear, and she reached out and touched me. We both couldn't see but we could tell that we were both smiling. Happy to be in each others company again.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #17  
Old 07-03-2011, 07:20 PM
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I went out to help Jewell with watering the animals. She stared off into the distance, and I wrapped my arms around her. "I wish we could have sex like we did in the beginning." Jewell began. "I could quit hormones if you want and we could try to get it back. I don’t think it will work though."

"We can only evolve. We got to find new exciting ways to make love to each other." I stated.

I took Woogie and made lunch. Jewell came slinking past me and crashed in bed. I came and snuggled her.

"Why are you with me? All the other girls left me because I couldn’t cock them, and I just could never be 'the man'. They couldn’t stand my transgendered-ness. "

"Why do you think?"

"Because you love me?"

I rewarded her wordlessly. I touched her, and played with her for a while. I fell to her side becoming the outer spoon. We watched the promising storm clouds as they grew, twisted and expanded. I held her.

"It's weird becoming a woman. I got to let go of this man conditioning. I am embarrassed sometimes, like yesterday, I needed you, as my safety, and security. "

I pulled her closer, and held her tighter. I thinks she understands how much I do love her. She is super insecure at first, but relaxes. She knows I am not going to run off with Lover, or love her any less. I am here for her, like she has been there for me. We give each other everything we can with no strings attached.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #18  
Old 07-03-2011, 10:04 PM
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I am here for her, like she has been there for me. We give each other everything we can with no strings attached.
This is what it's all about.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #19  
Old 07-05-2011, 01:01 AM
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I go to one laundry mat, and have been coming and going for about 2 years now (I will have facility for washer this winter, Yea!). Well she has taken a liking to me and I have noticed she has been observing me. When I went there in May with Jewell she approached me while I was loading up the washer. She tapped me on the shoulder and said that the lady behind me was talking to me. I turned around and it was Jewell. Jewell got embarrassed of all things and left. Turns out I washed a bank card, so the next time Jewell and I went back in the laundry lady this time went out to the truck to talk to Jewell. She apologized for the gender mix up. Jewell stated that right now she was neither man nor women. We were giggling about that and the new fact that sometimes I come in with Lover who can have personal space issues. Not PDA, just likes to hoover very closely, and as tall as he is in comparison to me, has to bend over to whisper something in my ear. That has bewildered her I could tell. We are a very odd looking couple that look nothing alike. Lover could tell that she was just fascinated and was sweeping very closely. "Hey dear you going to iron my overalls" he beams as he's folding away. "Of course sweetie" I answer pulling my load out. She stops sweeping looks at us bewildered and disappeared in the back.

I had a less funny incident the other day. I was going to a garden store with Lover for a while helping him get his garden started for the year. Well the small place is run by two older ladies. One day I came in with my other whole crew: Jewell, and the kids. Her mouth fell open. Seriously can't I have an opposite gendered buddy? Anyway the other day I pop in looking for a trellis for my peas, and she is just an absolute ass to me. Bummer, but I think I have to stay away from there for a while.

Jewell ran into town for a quick gas fill up just today. When she came back she told me that some guy was hitting on her. It seriously freaked her out. Mainly because from what she told me, he was getting touchy feely. I hope it proves my point that she is beautiful, and she needs to be careful. She is worried, and rightly so that it would be really hard for her to find someone else. So many people are caught in black and white, this and that , that they miss the other, the grey, and the beauty that lies in there. No need to worry I think she is finding impossible to get rid of me.

Ending on a funny note:

Jewell "Tomorrow you can go over and bug the fuck out of Lover, no pun intended."

Me: Choking and giggling.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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  #20  
Old 07-06-2011, 05:50 PM
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Finally after 6 1/2 months of study, on the poly, and healing, and talking, and exploring with plenty of bumps and bruises, I can finally say that we are fully relaxed into our rhythm. It feels so refreshing. I was glad that the truck's clock was broken as I headed home. I couldn't sit there and stew about how long I was over there. Jewell wasn't the needy creature she can sometimes be. I slid back into home life with out a glitch. I did a lot yesterday. Home schooled in the morning, and helped with morning chores. Then I spent the day with Lover. We got stuff for our goats, and food, and gas. We had time to cuddle, and ate a great lunch together after a badly needed cooling shower. When I got home I put the food away, and had a delicious meal on the table. Had time to play and cuddle the kids. Helped Jewell milk the goats, and finish farm chores. After I put the kids to bed I wanted to get up and spend more time with Jewell but I feel asleep. She knew I was tiered, and spooned me all night. The last weekend we had a blast as a family. Just the four of us: Jewel, the kids, and I. We rebuilt rabbit cages large and strong like the new bonds that have set. It is working. Jewell is able to talk and joke with me about my relationship with Lover. She had this one harebrained scheme of getting the friend (that ran into us when we had our night over) and her together to chase Lover down with pitchforks. I don't expose much about Jewell to Lover, and Lover to Jewell. I feel that there still is a right for privacy, and honor both sides. Someone one on this forum has the siggy, "Honesty is sexy." Boy it is sexy!! Wit out being honest even when I fucked up, this would have never ever worked. The pay off is great! How long will it last. I hope a while, a loooonnng while, but I won't worry about that now. I know we are in a rhythm, and everyone has relaxed.
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I make the letter V. I am married to my wife Jewel (MtoF) for 8 years. Adopted into our family is my Sextoy/SSO (Straight Male).--Not living together.
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