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  #21  
Old 06-29-2011, 10:26 PM
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
Doesn't it also confuse polyamorous people to know how to balance loving someone with making them share you?
Making them?... hmmm. Share you?... hmmm.

Well, people are not property to be shared. They have free will. And everyone in the relationship(s) has a choice. The concept of making anyone tolerate something they didn't want doesn't sound very loving.
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  #22  
Old 06-29-2011, 11:19 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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The concept of making anyone tolerate something they didn't want doesn't sound very loving.
Yes, I much prefer to brainwash my partners into thinking they love me, string them along on my every wish and whim until they become husks of their former selves, then discard them for someone better.
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  #23  
Old 06-29-2011, 11:20 PM
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Yes, I much prefer to brainwash my partners into thinking they love me, string them along on my every wish and whim until they become husks of their former selves, then discard them for someone better.
Pod people!
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  #24  
Old 06-29-2011, 11:25 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Yes, I much prefer to brainwash my partners into thinking they love me, string them along on my every wish and whim until they become husks of their former selves, then discard them for someone better.
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  #25  
Old 06-29-2011, 11:27 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Pod people!
I was going for more of a succubus thing.
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  #26  
Old 06-29-2011, 11:51 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Yes, I much prefer to brainwash my partners into thinking they love me, string them along on my every wish and whim until they become husks of their former selves, then discard them for someone better.
It's true. She's more like a hypnotist than a succubus...possibly some kind of psychic vampire...or a Jedi with mind tricks....

But in all seriousness I find the concept that confusion can be associated with "making someone share you." to be fully specious. I'm not being made to share TP; Poly was a choice I took an active part in making, and truth be told I was the one in control. TP gave me full reign to choose poly, the speed at which her relationship progressed and what role I had in it. Now I will say there were issues that had to be worked through, but I had the ripcord in my hand at all times if I needed to pull the parachute.

I share TP WILLINGLY, no one forced me overtly or covertly. Your contention that in a mono/poly relationship the poly partner forces the other to share them is frankly insulting; it implies that a mono partner in a poly relationship does not have the free will, strength of conviction, or self respect to assert their needs. I find your whole self-righteous tone, and obviously bias speak more to your issues with poly than some profound understanding of the human species. Perhaps you should take an introspective look prior to making broad stroke, misguided statements about poly/mono relationships.
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Last edited by Indigomontoya; 06-29-2011 at 11:55 PM.
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  #27  
Old 06-30-2011, 12:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
Perhaps you should take an introspective look prior to making broad stroke, misguided statements about poly/mono relationships.
And your frequent generalizations about women, too.
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  #28  
Old 06-30-2011, 03:05 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post

You say you disagree with me but you're saying what I'm saying when you describe humans in terms of species behavior. The point is that we all have basically the same instincts and we all have the ability to resist them to varying degrees.
No, I'm not saying what you are. I find your argument to be biologically determinist. Culture always enters in to the equation and it's contextual. It determines how we understand any instincts we may have (which may be different person to person), how we code them in terms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. How that it looks and is understood varies greatly around the world.

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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
But how can you accept the gift of monogamous devotion from someone else without loving them enough to want to return it? (sorry if that question sounds emotionally blackmailing. it's not meant that way - just something I've thought about)
Gift of monogamous devotion? Why think of relationships as gifts and "things" that we give and take away? They are processes that we enter into as agents, not victims. I cannot understand someone with mono desires, but that doesn't make me think that they're repressed or being used.

I'm not quite sure what you want to get out of this conversation.
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  #29  
Old 06-30-2011, 03:34 AM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
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Originally Posted by Chimera View Post
No, I'm not saying what you are. I find your argument to be biologically determinist. Culture always enters in to the equation and it's contextual. It determines how we understand any instincts we may have (which may be different person to person), how we code them in terms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. How that it looks and is understood varies greatly around the world.
I don't believe in determinism, biological, cultural, or otherwise. Everything always happens due to interacting factors. Nevertheless, culture is diverse because there are many different ways of pursuing the same basic goals, many having to do with bodily issues. E.g. all humans have libido and aesthetics of attraction as far as I know, though there are many different cultural approaches to expressing, controlling, and rationalizing relationships and behavior. Do I pass the quiz?

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Gift of monogamous devotion? Why think of relationships as gifts and "things" that we give and take away? They are processes that we enter into as agents, not victims. I cannot understand someone with mono desires, but that doesn't make me think that they're repressed or being used.
I appreciate your sensitivity to language and metaphors. My point was that the positive side of monogamy is giving someone a monopoly over you where they never have to compete for your attention or affection, in theory at least. You may find this a good or bad thing, but when someone tells you they will love you and only you unconditionally, it's very powerful - and often a lie unfortunately.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Making them?... hmmm. Share you?... hmmm.

Well, people are not property to be shared. They have free will. And everyone in the relationship(s) has a choice. The concept of making anyone tolerate something they didn't want doesn't sound very loving.
Well, maybe I'm looking at it in a possessive way but it seems to me that if you tell someone that you can't be there for them tonight because you have a date with someone else, you are making them share you in a sense. Sorry for the pushy-sounding language. I guess I could use more neutral language and say that you would make yourself unavailable for them sometimes. I'm sorry but I think the basic issues I was asking about are getting ignored in favor of criticizing my word choices. I think people know what I mean despite using unpopular language.
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  #30  
Old 06-30-2011, 03:52 AM
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Originally Posted by serialmonogamist View Post
I'm sorry but I think the basic issues I was asking about are getting ignored in favor of criticizing my word choices. I think people know what I mean despite using unpopular language.
Well instead of hoping people know what you mean when you say something else, why not say what you mean in the first fucking place?
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