Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 06-29-2011, 05:23 PM
serialmonogamist serialmonogamist is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 164

Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
It seems to me you might qualify for the first one. Now the thing is, even if you out yourself to your boyfriend, it doesn't mean you have to do anything about it. But if you keep it a secret from him, it might drive you apart. Already when he says he loves you, your mind goes to negative thoughts of hurting him instead of happy thoughts of loving and being loved back.
But realistically, how much of monogamy is about protecting your partner and nurturing their ego by avoiding saying things that have the potential to make them feel insecure? How often do you hear that women want to be told they're not fat regardless of what their partners really think or that they're the most beautiful woman in the world and don't enjoy the thought of their men checking out other women? The song lyric comes to mind, "tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies." It is wrong but when people adopt this culture of maintaining facades that protect others' feelings, it can feel very scary to elevate honesty above someone else's feelings. It can feel like honesty is selfish instead of liberating for everyone involved. Ultimately, if your partner was truly strong, they could handle any truth you confronted them with but when the reality is that people shun each other for honesty, it becomes a hard choice to open up and risk losing the person you love and potentially not being able to find anyone else who will accept you in your openness. Ideally the truth will set you free in the end, but what trials might you have to go through to reach that freedom? Liberation is not easy and freedom isn't free (to quote a cliche')
Reply With Quote

boyfriend, communication, help sought, new to poly, scared

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:24 PM.