Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #81  
Old 06-27-2011, 12:45 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,423
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by idealist View Post
Sometimes a good spontaneous sexual encounter is just what the doctor ordered!!!
Indeed!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 01-16-2012, 04:05 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 43- still polyamorous and lovin' it!!!

It's been a while since I've posted!! Still living a happy poly life!! Me and Richard are still primary partners. He purchased a 2nd home and we are remodeling it. It is 2 1/2 hours away from my home and his 1st home but it's on a bayou and we're thinking about getting a boat!
He lives over there most of the time...he comes home on weekends, but he will also go up to a month without coming home. We did spend 2 weeks together over the Holidays and that was awesome!!
We went to the local swingers club for New Years Eve and had a blast.
Met a couple that lives pretty close to me!
He had a date this evening with someone he had met on POF and that went pretty good! She only lives 40 minutes from his 2nd home- the place he lives at during the week, so if it goes good, he will have someone in that area to spend time with!
It's a lot harder for him to find women who aren't trying to possess and demand monogamy, so he gets excited when he meets someone. It went well tonight and she will be returning to his house on Tuesday- and he said "bring your overnite clothes" and she said "okay"....so we'll see!!
I also recently met a new guy....I went on Match for the free 30 days and then cancelled my membership. He met me and some friends out and Richard was with us too, so they got to meet each other. Come to find out, they went to school together in this small town in North Louisiana!! Small world!!!
So, I'm hoping to have some polyamory activity soon, now that Richard is somewhat occupied with this new woman. I have a handful of people- mostly couples that would like to meet me by myself and I'm open to that for sure!!
So- hoping to get active on here again for a while....I miss it!!!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 01-16-2012, 04:26 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default Our Polyamory Relationship seen in a different light

I have become a Professional and Life Coach working with Teams and Individuals!! There is a system of looking at Professional Teams that has proven to be extremely effective in the business arena! These 8 aspects of a productive Team can also be applied to any type of group or relationship. The research was taken from a Gallup Poll which surveyed 1,000,000 employees in 45 different industries and internationally as well. These are the 8 aspects of the environment which supports healthy relationships. Just for the fun of it, I applied it to the poly relationship I'm in now and it's pretty cool. I invite anyone to do the same and share it if you are open to it!!!

1. Express Authentic Appreciation— Since we are so compatible on an essence and values level, we do experience a lot of authentic appreciation for one another. We each share a value of freedom and the desire of being available to share connections with other partners or potential partners. The ability to pursue these connections and then share our feelings and experiences with each other is something that we really appreciate.

2. Address Shared Interests—We both enjoy live music- especially outdoor concerts- cooking meals together- hosting and/or attending house parties with other like minded couples who have open relationships. We both enjoy building and remodeling houses, so we are working on a remodel project now for an old home he recently purchased. He likes sporting events, so I watch them with him. I enjoy dancing, so he goes dancing with me occasionally.

3. Include Appropriately— We include each other in the pursuits we both enjoy and we do not expect each other to participate in or attend events they are not interested in. If that event requires an escort, we are free to attend the event with another partner. Occasionally, one of us (or both of us) will bring a secondary partner(s) in and share an event with the three/four of us which makes the secondary partner(s) feel somewhat included in our primary relationship dynamics and it allows each of us to feel included to a certain extent in the dynamics of the secondary relationships.


4. Keep All Your Agreements—when we started the poly lifestyle, we had more agreements than were necessary, so gradually we reduced them as we got more comfortable. Our agreements are to be completely honest, trust one another, respect one another and be considerate.


5. Live in Reality-based Optimism— We regularly adjust our reality-based optimism as reality is experienced. We stay in reality by sharing our thoughts, feelings, desires and disappointments. As we support one another in authentic sharing, the reality becomes foundational. We have had some surprises in terms of how we expected to react or respond to different aspects of this experience. As we process the actual reactions and responses, our optimism is based on experiential reality.

6. Be Outcome Committed—We are committed to nurture our long term connection with each other in honesty, trust and respect. We show that by continuing to create things together for the future and we look towards the future and our lives together in that future.

7. Avoid Blaming and Complaining—we did a fair amount of this in the beginning when we were monogamous and trying to possess one another. We also had the idea that “you are my everything” and there was more pressure on each of us which led to frequent disappointment with one another. Since opening our relationship several years ago, there hasn’t been any blaming or complaining.

8. Clarify Roles, Authority, and Accountability—We gladly take on roles and authority over the areas which align with our individual strengths and talents- and we alternately surrender roles and authority over the areas we are not so suited for. The honesty, trust and respect that we have for one another supports an accountability which comes naturally.
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Last edited by idealist; 01-16-2012 at 04:29 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 01-18-2012, 10:50 AM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

I love this! Sorry, nothing less inane to say atm.
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 01-31-2012, 03:25 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default Four Way last weekend and date this Thursday!!

Richard and I had met a couple a few weeks ago and there was a mutual attraction all the way around!! We invited them over this weekend and had a great time!! We really enjoyed each other's company. We were very comfortable. The guy knows one of my first cousins and he knows Richard's brother. OMG...it's a small world!! But, we like that. It makes us feel better about people when we know their backgrounds and their families.

She is stunningly beautiful!! Long curly black hair and large beautiful breasts. She and I started dancing, then kissing, then dancing more......I just about quit breathing when she started reaching under my skirt. She was expecting to feel a thong, but she didn't....she instead found a moist area.....if you know what I mean. She exclaimed with pleasure which made me laugh and I said "what did you find?" She said "You're ready" so I said....well.....let's go.....come on guys!!!! Several hours later she and I got into the Jacuzzi together while the guys served us fruit with chocolate sauce!!

Now....I have a date with a new guy!!! I had decided I was ready to find a new male partner, so I signed onto match for a free 30 day trial. I found a guy on there (I'll call him Pete)....in his photo, he resembled my primary partner, Richard!! We talked on the phone and I really liked his voice and he was fun to talk to also!! I told him I am polyamorous and surprize surprize...he's cool with it!!! So- I was going out with Richard and a couple of female friends one night and Pete met us out. He was more attractive than his photo and turns out he and Richard grew up in the same home town!! He went to school with Richard's sister.

Richard is working and living 2 1/2 hours away from me during the week and will be there for most weekends until next summer. I like driving over there to spend the weekend, but I'm not really feeling like driving over there every weekend. He's working during the day anyway, so I'm just hanging around his rent house....he did buy a house there and is re-modeling it, so that will be much nicer when it's done!! Anyway- Sherie is spending a few days with Richard this week, so I was glad to get a mesage from Pete today!!

He asked me out and we are going to a really nice restarant and then out dancing to a nice club in town. I already know he likes to dance and dances good!! He lives about 50 miles away and the last time he came to town he booked a Hotel room in town. So- I'm hoping he does that again and I'm expecting to have a good meal....a few good drinks.....some dancing and then to the hotel room!! Yes!!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 01-31-2012, 09:14 PM
Arrowbound's Avatar
Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tri-State
Posts: 275
Default

Wow... this is one of the most exciting blogs I've read thus far. Thanks for letting us all in, Idealist.
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 02-01-2012, 04:58 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrowbound View Post
Wow... this is one of the most exciting blogs I've read thus far. Thanks for letting us all in, Idealist.
Well...thanks- I'm honored!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 02-04-2012, 04:01 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default New Single Poly Male!!

My 2nd date with Pete went great!! Since we're poly, I invited a girl friend to accompany me on the date! Not something I ever did before when I was playing the "looking for a monogamous partner" game. But- he was thrilled that I invited her and we had a blast. She looked good!!

We went out to eat first at a really nice restaurant which gave us time to talk. He and I had a few phone conversations, but our first meeting was in a club with a lot of people, so this was the first time we got to sit and talk....getting to know one another. He is one of these laid back guys- smiles a lot and just goes with the flow....a true gentleman and interesting! And....he dances!!! That's a big plus for me!! The three of us danced together a lot and we would swap up for slow songs. The two of them hit it off pretty well!!

Around midnight, I began to talk about leaving. He had rented a room at a nearby hotel (since he was working in town that day and lives about an hour away) so I had come prepared to go back to the hotel, but I started introducing the idea of inviting my friend (I'll call her Marie) to join us. Part of me wanted to have some time to enjoy him by myself since this was going to be the first time for us to be sexual, but the three of us were having so much fun that I wanted to extend that into the bedroom!!

She did end up declining saying "I'm not prepared" and that could have a lot of meanings....so I said "next time" and we all agreed!

It did work out good for he and I. We got to his room and I had my little bag with my toothbrush and a lace camisole among other things. I excused myself to the bathroom where I freshened up a bit and put on the camisole. He was surprised when I came into the room! I also had my KY which I whipped out pretty much right away. He was already hard and really appreciated my getting things started like that!!

He kinda did that thing that guys do sometimes...reminds me of a kid in the candy store if you know what I mean!! It was nice....we enjoyed various positions and experimented with one another. After I had about 7 or 8 orgasms, I asked if he was ready to finish so he asked me to choose the position. I said- standing on the floor up to the edge of the bed and he was like "I love that too!"......I meant me standing and bent over with him entering from behind. So he positions me on my back with my butt up to the edge of the bed and he stood and started going for it! I'm thinking "he's going to flip me and stand me up and finish" but what actually happened is that apparently he thought this was the position I meant.....and in fact.....wow, it was a good position!! About an hour and a half after arriving, I was heading home!!

I am hoping to see him again and can imagine this being a long term thing!
I've had a vision of me, Richard, Pete and Marie getting together for social things (and more, I hope). He has an aunt that lives in New Orleans....well- we all love going to New Orleans for live music.....so I'm visualizing this!!!

I'm very happy with it all. I told Richard about it. He asked some questions and when he realized I was pleased with the evening and having visions of future get together which might include him, he seemed comfortable with that. I double checked with him "you did like him the first time we met?" and he said "yes". Then he said "well, baby, I'm glad you had a good time...that's great"!!!

There are several advantages of pursuing a relationship with Pete. He is a sensitive and thoughtful guy; financially successful, attractive, funny, easy going, and best of all- kind and loving, AND (like me) he is not into the dramatic emotional NRE stuff. I have nothing against that for anyone that enjoys it, but Richard and I avoid emotional NRE just like we avoid all the varying types of drama that can come along with people and relationships and that works for us. I think Pete feels the same way!

So- only time will tell, but I'm certainly hoping this leads to lots of fun and pleasurable socializing and more!!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 02-25-2012, 05:47 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 44- my vision is coming true!!

Well---looks like I got my wish!!! me, Richard, Pete and Marie are going to New Orleans tomorrow! Marie invited a female friend, so I invited a male friend who lives there....and I invited a couple that Richard and I recently had the pleasure of meeting and spending an evening with! It's crazy because Mardi Gras was last weekend, but when you live here, you prefer things less crowded, so we decided to wait until after the crowds leave! We have 3 rooms in the same Hotel and I am bringing snacks, drinks and music...hoping to move the party to our room!! I really need this "escape" and of course, I will let everyone know how it goes!!!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 03-01-2012, 04:44 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default Good Party!!!...with a bit of a different spin on the timing of things!!

OMG!!! Things turned out great!!

So.....me and Richard drove to New Orleans in time for lunch on Saturday. Marie hasn't had a sexual experience in three years, so she was getting nervous about sharing a room with me and Richard. She arrived before us and went ahead and booked a room for herself so she would have somewhere to go in case things got heated up and she wanted privacy.

Well, it sort of backfired on her because she ended up with a HUGE room......With a large corner Jacuzzi and a living room area, kitchen area with sink, fridge and microwave etc. and the rest of us got these small tiny rooms! Hahaha....so- we knew right away....the party is going to happen in Marie's room!!

Deana and Albert arrived around noon, so the 5 of us headed out for lunch in the French Quarter. Pete joined us down there.....

Around 6, we headed back to the room to re-group.

Around 7:30, the party started coming together!! Dave and Tammy arrived around that time. We all gathered in Marie's big room and started eating some snacks and having drinks.

I had prepared a special play list for the party on my iPod and I had my "portable" Bose speaker which ROCKS!! Everyone was looking to me for direction on how this party was going to play out.

Around 8:00, I wrote the numbers 1 to 8 on tiny slips of paper and everyone picked one. We went in order starting with number 1. Each person got to ask anything of anyone, several people or everybody....anything they wanted to ask for. The only rule was that you can say "No" and if you do then the person asking the question has to keep asking until they get a yes.

Pretty soon, most of our clothes were off and people were starting to dance and make out with each other. Dave asked me for a lap dance....this is something I've never done, but I started and it was fun. So-everyone is watching us- so I whispered to him asking if he wanted me to pull his pants down and see if I could get him hard- he said- I'm already hard and he was. So we popped on a condom and my lap dance turned into....well- you get the idea.

That was about the time Marie and Pete went to Pete's room. Albert's turn came up and he said he wanted a "lap dance" too....hahaha....so I told him to sit next to Dave and I grabbed my KY, put one of my legs between one guy's leg and the other leg between the other guy's leg and put some KY in my hands and went to town with both of them at the same time!

It was Richard's turn and he was heading for Deana, so I said- new rule....from now on, everyone else just keeps doing what they are doing while the next person takes their turn. So Richard says "I say we all move to the bed".......so the 6 of us did that!! It was super awesome!!!

And 2 hours later, we filled up the jacuzzi, rinsed off and.....went out to hear some live music in New Orleans!!! OMG.....we were all grinning from ear to ear.

We didn't get in until 2:00AM and we were glad that we were all ready to go right to sleep!!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, blog, honesty, life story, multiple, respect, trust

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:39 AM.