Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 10-13-2009, 10:15 PM
seepage43 seepage43 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2
Default Community input, please

I'm brand new here and have only had a relatively small amount of experience in polyamorous relationships (My bi girlfriend in college and I dated a third girl seriously and another casually for several months with no problems), so I was hoping for some feedback from this community on my disposition and how common it is among polyamorous types.

I really enjoyed the relationship I was in in college, especially the emotional aspect of sharing your love for someone with others you love; it's nice to have a bigger team, so to speak. I have two concerns though.

My first concern is that I can't handle cheating, but let me define the word as it applies to me. I don't mind if a girlfriend hooks up with a girl, whether I'm there or not, even whether I know her or not; I can never be a girl for her, so why would I be upset when she want's a girl? I definitely would not be ok if any girl I was with were to sleep with a random guy, as I can be a guy for her and she's choosing him over me, so to speak.

My second concern is in regards to guys. As I suggested above, I'm straight and tend to be jealous. That being said, if I knew, liked and trusted the guy and knew that everyone involved cared for each other, I wouldn't mind sharing emotionally and physically and believe I'd have no problem forming a close emotional bond as well with him, though very different in nature than with the girls (something more akin to brotherhood). I wouldn't be ok with a girl dating another guy separately from me (or us, as the case may be).

So my questions are:

Is it common to have a polyamorous relationship develop as a single group where members only sleep with each other (i.e. it'd be cheating to sleep outside the group without permission)?

Given my attitude toward guys, I seem to have a chicken and egg problem: How could a guy be brought into the group when I think I'd only be ok with the girls attention toward him if he were already part of the group?

Thanks so much, I'm sure you can understand it's a bit to work on internally :-)
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:19 PM.