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Old 06-26-2011, 06:43 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

I have to say, comically, everytime I read this post, I think someone with a terminal disease asked you out haha,..,.

"a poly touched me what do i do"

ok beyond the comedy of the phrasing. I would ask yourself some questions. I assume you are mono, or newly exploring poly

1 - can you be in a relationship with this guy and realize you won't get time with him at times you may want. Will his lack of availability impact you long term or will you learn to deal with it
2 - I notice comments about not looking at the pics and stop torturing yourself. He should tell you who he is involved with.. BUT.. the reality is you have to learn how to deal with things like this yourself. You have to figure out how not to worry about everything going on around him. There are two parts to that, he needs to be more transparent and you need to learn to deal with all of the unknowns poly brings.
3 - He will always be available.. period.. in monogamy you have the ability to be with someone who becomes commited and devoted.. poly will never allow for that. How do you feel about that?

One other note, you might want to come up with an honest way to look at communication. Times, best times. Rules. Have him let you know when you shouldn't text or message. Then you won't be left wondering.. That will help a lot...

Also, poly allows for freedom, it doesn't mean we commit to everyone we see. In any relationship there is a chance of all the things you are worried about.. becoming bored, disinterested, finding a new infatuation.. This isn't a necessarily a poly thing..

A lot of this, if you are non-monogamous, might be remedied by finding your own primary. If he can only be your secondary, if you are waiting to be a primary, you won't be fair to yourself.

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insecurities, new to polyamory

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