Cuddling With Friends - & Non-sexual Intimacy

[River]

Originally Posted by Tonberry

... because then I'm comfortable with the idea that one or both or all of us might get aroused in the process.

Hmm. Well, one of the reasons I'm interested in this discussion is that I'm fully aware that most of us here live in a culture where cuddling with friends is edging toward the taboo, at least. It's a weird, edgy sort of experimental thing to do, like bungee jumping or leaping out of an airplane with a parachute ..., or going to a nude beach, or some such wild edgy thing. And that's where we learn so much about ourselves, each other and life--on our edges. Crossing over an edge opens us up to new experiences, which in turn can open us up more as people, so that our lives are bigger and richer and more fulfilling.

That said, ... so what if we get aroused? It's not like the world will come to a screetching hault or our hair will catch on fire! In fact, I've been finding myself just blissing out on people's attractiveness lately, feeling some arousal, and then letting the energy move up the chakras into my heart center, where that energy is nectar for the hummingbird of the heart. Pure sweetness!

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by River

That said, ... so what if we get aroused? It's not like the world will come to a screetching hault or our hair will catch on fire!

Actually my hair does catch on fire.

In fact, I've been finding myself just blissing out on people's attractiveness lately, feeling some arousal, and then letting the energy move up the chakras into my heart center, where that energy is nectar for the hummingbird of the heart. Pure sweetness!

Wish I could do that. My gf can, she gets off on long periods of arousal with no orgasm, just letting things build. My style is quite different.

[Tonberry]

Originally Posted by River

That said, ... so what if we get aroused?

Oh, not the end of the world, but as I said the idea makes me uncomfortable enough to ruin the experience, so it's better not to bother with it. Hugs and kisses are fine though, probably because culturally I'm used to them as greetings. Kisses especially because I'd never kiss someone I'm involved with that way (that is, on the cheeks) so it's a clear "we're not involved" gesture to me.

[Hades36]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Actually my hair does catch on fire.



Wish I could do that. My gf can, she gets off on long periods of arousal with no orgasm, just letting things build. My style is quite different.

I'm like you, Mags. Arousal demands release, or I just get stupid.

[Magdlyn]

Too bad you live in Philly, my dear.

[Hades36]

HAHA. Next time you come to Philly, let me and PLove know.

[River]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Wish I could do that.

I'm betting you can. It may take some practice and carefull observation of your body's energetic systems, but it's something any of us can learn to do.

Edit: [I had typed a longer post here, but I or the computer thingy must have messed up somehow, cause it got lost. It was a good post, too. Dang it! I'll tell some of that stuff in a later post.]

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by River

I'm betting you can. It may take some practice and carefull observation of your body's energetic systems, but it's something any of us can learn to do--and get better and better at.

I am really really not into that yearning from afar thing. I spent 30 years doing that.

[River]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

I am really really not into that yearning from afar thing. I spent 30 years doing that.

It's not like that for me at all! Once the "yearning" appears, which it will inevitably do for me, I practice having the fulfillment of the yearning by allowing my heart to be touched by the beauty I'm responding to. When the heart is touched by my own tenderness in this way, it opens and floods, overspills -- more and more with practice.

I used to be wounded by such beauty because something in me wanted to possess the apparent cause: that person--, or to make love with that person.... Etc. But our world is overflowing with beautifull people, and they cannot and will not all be our lovers. And the cause is not outside of me. I don't have to grasp after or feel cheated. I can just open up and drink the nectar of love. I am a hummingbird! The world in its beauty is nectar.

[River]

Originally Posted by River

Edit: [I had typed a longer post here, but I or the computer thingy must have messed up somehow, cause it got lost. It was a good post, too. Dang it! I'll tell some of that stuff in a later post.]

Okay, some of what I said in that missing post info was this.:

Last night my partner, Kevin, & I went to this fantastic African drumming and dancing event here in Santa Fe. We sat near this woman who was, to my eyes, extraordinarily beautiful. I couldn't help fantasizing for a moment about kissing her, holding her.... She was a Goddess. So I let myself feel that attraction as intensely as it wanted to be, and then I focussed the associated energies in my heart center, where it became non-grasping tenderness-joy.

There was nothing creepy or sticky about any of this. And I'm not wanting to have sex or "a relationship" with this woman, as I'm already exploring a relationship with another woman, and that's quite enough at the moment.

(The missing part of the post was much more spontanious and poetic than this crappy replacement. I can never seem to do justice to lost posts!)